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iSphere Pandemic-Ready Head Dome

The iSphere head dome, in addition to providing full upper orifice coverage in the face of the COVID-19 global pandemic, finally gives us an opening to take astronaut cosplay and little green men LARPing to the streets...

Prinker Temporary Tattoo Printer

$279 - $445 from Amazon »

It only took 10 years, but the Prinker temporary tattoo printer is finally here to give a nod to MoodINQ, one of ThinkGeek's most clever and classic April Fool's jokes...

Bunny Stache

$7.99 from Amazon »

While Halloween might be the most COVID-friendly holiday we've got, I'm still envisioning the Bunny Stache make heavy appearances this year during October 31 Zoom meetings and online classroom costume parties. Throw in...

PUMA Calibrate Runner Sneakers with XETIC Technology

$140 from PUMA »

PUMA says their new street-ready Calibrate Runner Sneakers are "a scientific advancement by human and machine." So, sorry namesake cougars, you're getting replaced by robots too...

Leather Octopus Backpacks

$220 from Etsy »

Coming soon, hockey fans, to the Seattle Kraken's merch line... These handmade octopus backpacks from Krukru Studio are all molded and sewn from pure leather into their cephalopod shapes. The shop notes, "It wasn't easy...

Slow Man Slip-On Sock Shoes

$26.99 - $33.99 from Amazon »

If, when a pair of socks slipped inside a pair of sneakers, they made a baby, that baby could definitely pop out looking like Slow Man's Slip-On Sock Shoes. And while I'm not so sure about the laceless Sock Shoes' zdesire...

Pizza Pocket Hoodie

$39.95 from Amazon »

The Pizza Pocket Hoodie is a sweatshirt with a piece o' pie chest pouch designed to hold actual slices of pizza. In other words, whooo needs a gift for a stoner?...

RethinkTANK City Manhole Cover Coasters & Trivets

$22 - $32 from RethinkTANK »

Despite covering things that aren't so pretty, a city's manhole covers are often imprinted with cool, intricate, and sometimes downright stunning designs. RethinkTANK's Under Cover Series showcases these doors to the...

The PLUCK Nose Hair & Ear Hair Remover

$21.95 from Amazon »

This is what PLUCK has to say about PLUCK: "PLUCK is a new kind of nose and ear hair remover. It is the best of both worlds." The best of both worlds, huh? Any chance those worlds are the Acathla and Wolfram & Hart hell...

Arkam Ionic Beard Straightener Brush

$32.99 from Amazon »

You've got the beard clippers, the beard shaper, the beard comb, the beard balm, and the beard ornaments, but are they still not not enough to tame the beard beast? I've got one more beard wrangler for you to try: the...

Seventy2 Pro Harley-Davidson Motorcycle Backpack

The Seventy2 Pro Harley-Davidson motorcycle backpack brings just a shell of Uncharted Supply Co.'s loaded-up (and strapped-on) survival system to bike fans. The bag is based on their new Seventy2 Pro carrier, minus the...

NanoBlockTime Traveler Watch

$89 - $105 from NanoBlockTime »

Don't be a blockhead who's always late. Be a blockwrist whose NanoBlockTime Traveler Watch keeps you punctual across two time zones, plus makes up for its temporal leash with LEGO-style building NanoBlocks you have limitless...

Walk Of Mind Custom-Molded Shoes

Designer Hadar Slassi's Walk Of Mind shoes scored a 2019-2020 A' Design Gold Award in the Footwear category for their custom-molded hybrid design concept. Slassi uses 5 layers to build the shoes, calling each a "stratum"...

Lucyd Loud Audio Sunglasses

$59.99 - $99.99 from Lucyd »

Just as Bluetooth connectivity has brought us hands-free talking, it, along with gadgety eyewear like the Lucyd Loud Audio Sunglasses and Bose Frames, has kinda brought us ear-free listening. Lucyd Loud is fitted with...

The Dick Belt

$18.99 from Etsy »

The Dick Belt is funny and all, but I'm not sure how many places I'd feel comfortable wearing it. Not because the belt itself looks stifling or like a gut digger, but because, I mean, do I really want to add "cock unfurling"...

Dirty Pop Adult Pop Up Greeting Cards (NSFW)

$12.99 from Dirty Pop »

Hey, look at that. Dick and Titsy are about to pop up out of their...greeting cards? In what is surely the best use of the term since the days of *NSYNC, Dirty Pop has beat off and busted out a set of penis and boobies...

Blocc Reusable Face Shield

$24 from Blocc »

The Blocc face shield is here to face off with your wandering hands and Shut. Them Down. No matter how charming, how persuasive, how pushy they get, Blocc will turn into your personal bouncer, a polycarbonate wall of...

3M Vetbond Tissue Adhesive

$23.62 from Amazon »

If it's good enough for horses and golden retrievers, it's good enough for me! Just kidding. Despite its name, 3M Vetbond Tissue Adhesive is a first aid option intended for humans who have cut themselves to "minor wound"...

Quikflip 2-in-1 Reversible Backpack Hoodie

$54.95 from Amazon »

The Quikflip reversible backpack hoodie evolution began, according to creator Rener Gracie, because "As a third generation jiu-jitsu master and a lifelong athlete, I became increasingly frustrated with the lack of ways...

Screenshot Men's Hip Hop Track Pants

$22.99 - $26.99 from Amazon »

I don't like every pattern and color combo of Screenshot's Men's Hip Hop Track Pants, but I do like some of them, and I especially like the idea of a bunch of dudes wearing all 30-odd styles of them in a room together...

D*ckhead Shirt

$19.99 - $21.99 from Amazon »

Is there any way to sneak a D*ckhead Shirt onto someone's body without them noticing? Yeah, but what if they're not a deep sleeper or blacked out drunk? What if they're, say, a wide-awake, and surprisingly spry, 68-year-old...

Crash Baggage Icon Busted-Up Suitcase

$340 - $420 from Amazon »

Outsmart careless baggage handlers, lost luggage offices, and coronaviruses with the Crash Baggage Icon, a wheeled hard suitcase for travelers that comes pre-busted-up! Never worry about dings and dents again because...

Care Bears Grin & Share It High Heels

$249.99 from Fun.com »

You'll certainly get a Care Bears Stare or two wearing these Care Bears Grin & Share It High Heels from flamboyant footwear brand Irregular Choice...

Shark Face Mask

$13.99 from Etsy »

As stoked as I was for Shark Week to come early this year, now that April is over I have a Jaws-bite-sized hole in my heart that there won't be a Shark Week in July. But as I'm sure Etsy shop Printed Faces would say...