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Pix Customizable Digital Backpack

$198 - $299 from Amazon »

Where the Pix Backpack, a customizable digital bag for your pixel art and messages, may have once flashed smiley faces and "Have a nice day" sentiments through its LED lights, today you might use it to show of your personal...

Star Wars Face Masks

$14.92 from Etsy »

May the 4th be with you, and may the Rona be in a galaxy far, far away. This series of Star Wars face masks is from Ethical Addiction, made in honor of favorite franchise characters - from Chewbacca to Vader, Yoda (adult-size)...

Manscaped Lawn Mower 3.0 Groin Hair Trimmer

$69.99 from Amazon »

The Manscaped Lawn Mower 3.0 knows that even when we're stuck inside, many of us are living in the wild. This groin trimmer and happy trail blazer wants to help hack through the brush and bush - a lot more gently, and...

Gloves in a Bottle Shielding Lotion for Dry Skin

$17.95 from Amazon »

A lot of us, and especially our health care workers, could use any number of shields right now. Gloves in a Bottle, a self-described Shielding Lotion, is volunteering to be that protective barrier for our dry, cracked...

Korin HiPack - Easy-Wipe Backpack

$119 from Amazon »

Korin doesn't promote their HiPack as an easy-to-clean, disinfectant-friendly backpack...yet. Having made the bag pre-covid-19, Korin focuses on its minimalist, smooth shell design, anti-theft locking features, scientific...

Your Face Custom Face Masks

$19.95 from Obscure A Tees »

Your own face on a face mask. The option has been available, and shown a few different faces of itself, for years now - remember the creepy Realface clone? - but this one from Obscure A Tees is made in the face of Covid-19...

The Weatherman Umbrella for 55MPH Winds

$59 from Amazon »

The Weatherman Umbrella knows not everyone can be Mary Poppins on a rainy day, but when the wind picks up anyone with a crappy umbrella can be...the dude who gets drenched and disheveled because his umbrella blows inside...

Philips DIY Hair Clippers with Head Shaver Attachment

$149.50 from Amazon »

I'm not trying to make self-haircut kits a recurring series or anything, but they are an item of high interest right now, and the Philips Headgroom, DIY hair clippers with a head shaver attachment, bring a little something...

K-fit Kegel Toner for Men

$159.95 from Amazon »

One thing I don't like the looks of is this K-fit Kegel Toner for Men. Part 1 of my instinct to slowly back away is, of course, the "probe," which may not go up my pee hole, but is definitely going somewhere uncomfortable...

The Dad Mask

The Dad Mask is laced up and ready to shield against viruses, filter out allergens and dust particles, thwart lawnmower fumes, stave off grill smoke, absorb all grass stains, and enshroud the mug of the man, the myth...

Pocket Cane - Ultra-Compact Walking Cane

$49 from Amazon »

Instant pimp, at your service. And, sure, the Pocket Cane is also a convenient and less cumbersome way for the injured and elderly to keep a walking stick close at hand...

Disposable Skin Stapler & Staple Remover

$23.99 from Amazon »

That's a nasty gash, but...you sure you want to go to the ER? Even with them all stretched to capacity, and me all standing here with a Disposable Skin Stapler set? And, I mean, you spent the last month mastering the...

Remington Cordless Vacuum Self-Haircut Kit

Sold Out from Amazon »

When it comes to cutting your own hair, Remington really has your back. Well, with their Vacuum Self-Haircut Kit, they mostly have your head and neck, but if you're bushy in the torso area...and lower...I'm sure you could...

ClearUP - Drug-Free Sinus Pain Relief for Allergies

$149 from Amazon »

Zap your allergy-related sinus pain like your mosquitos! The ClearUP is a drug-free device that uses an electrical current to stimulate sinus nerve fibers under your cheeks, nose bone, and brown bone, helping to ease...

Foots Love Broken Toe Wraps

$11.80 from Amazon »

Foots Love Broken Toe. I can't help but read that curious name for a broken toe wrap and crooked / hammer toe splint like, "Foots be lovin' them some broken toes. So come on, son, drop that dumbbell on piggies 2 and 3...

Corgi Butt Leggings

$54.07 from Etsy »

Why you gotta taunt me, Corgi Butt Leggings? Like I don't want to pet, pat, and smack my wife's ass often enough as it is. Especially now that we're sheltering up in place, so it's within about 50' of me 24/7. Adding...

Shower Foot Massager, Scrubber & Cleaner

$14.95 from Amazon »

When I went to my Nana's as an ornery kid, and either didn't want to take a shower, or didn't clean myself to her liking, she always told me the same thing: "If you don't get in that shower and do it right, I'll come...

Like a Good Neighbor Social Distancing T-Shirt

$15.95 from Amazon »

Like a good neighbor, stay over there. You can get it as a social distancing T-shirt. A social distancing coffee mug. A social distancing doormat. And that's not all, because it's official: the COVID-19 merch is here!...

Remington Shortcut Pro Self-Haircut Kit

$52.09 from Amazon »

Time to learn a new skill...and maybe learn to love a new haircut. The Remington Shortcut Pro is a self-haircut kit that could see a big surge in popularity if barber shops and hair salons remain closed for the foreseeable...

Ingrown Toenail Correction Tool

$6.99 from Amazon »

Nothing like fighting the inflicted pain of an ingrown toenail with...inflicting pain to remove the ingrown toenail. This ingrown toenail correction tool looks like a torture device created by evil nail salon owners...

Your Girl Hugging Your Crotch Boxer Briefs

$19.59 from Amazon »

Not much to add to these boxer briefs. Oh, except for a picture of your girl - girlfriend, wife, crush, black-hearted ex Karen - strategically placed at the crotchal region so as to look like she's hugging your cock...

I Wash My Hands of The Virus COVID-19 Buttons

$14.95 - $118.95 from Amazon »

I guess these I Wash My Hands of The Virus buttons are the equivalents of I Voted buttons for people who practice responsible COVID-19 prevention practices. Or maybe they'll appeal to the growing frustration with the...

Crapper Concealer - Toilet Stall Shoe Covers

The Crapper Concealer is a set of shoe covers you slip over your feet to maintain anonymity when you use a public toilet stall. And by "use" I mean poop. Shit. Drop a fat deuce. Brown-out destroy. Do things to that poor...

Fireproof, Waterproof, Windproof 100 Year Hoodie

$495 from Vollebak »

Version 3 of Vollebak's 100 Year Hoodie is like the Anti-Captain Planet of outerwear. It repels wind, rain, snow, and now, fire. Earth is still missing though. Maybe they'll build version 4 to emit a force field against...