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Acu-Reflex Massage Sandals

$16.99 - $17.99 from Amazon »

The Acu-Reflex Massage Sandals are an alternative for those seeking release and relaxation from Black Friday shopping and swollen turkey toes without subjecting their feet to the circus o' torture that are Kkika's Rotating...

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Bill & Ted Ugly Christmas Sweater

$84.99 from Middle of Beyond »

It's the holidays. Be excellent to each other, dudes. I'm using the Bill & Ted Ugly Christmas Sweater to serve as my own helpful reminder...and also to slay all contests when I party on at the 3 Ugly Christmas Sweater...

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Lightload Survival Tool Towels

$6.26 from Amazon »

Lightload claims theirs are the "only towels that are survival tools!" So like, for when you're on a third date with She-Ra: Princess of Power, and the waiter asks how spicy you want your Jungle Curry, and you say, "5...

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Bluesmart One Smart Luggage

$289.81 from Amazon »

In theory the Bluesmart One is the most versatile suitcase you can drag behind you through the airport terminal and plop down next you at the gate. The piece of smart luggage has built-in niftiness that allows it to connect...

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Ruf Retard 907 - Intimate Spray for Men

$44.88 from Amazon »

Oh man, between the Jesus drink markers and this bottle of Retard spray, it's a day of low-hanging fruit in my world. No, more accurately in this case, low-hanging johnsons. No, people who power trip on being offended...

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Wahl Pro Lithium Cordless Hair Clipper

$179 from Amazon »

Treat yo'self to a professional buzz, or at least F up your hair using the exact same clippers the pros do with Wahl's Sterling Li Pro Cordless Clipper. Intended for professional use only, but available to anyone with...

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ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel

$9.99 from Amazon »

I didn't have enough room in the title to add "...for Man Parts." Do you think it would be too offensive to give a bottle of ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel to this guy I know at work as an Anonymous Santa gift?...

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The Ridge Slim Front Pocket Wallets

$45 - $105 from The Ridge »

Don't let overstuffed, bulging bi-folds infiltrate your pockets! Fight the Costanza Effect! Get on the Ridge! The Ridge slim front pocket wallets highlight 2 EDC must-haves, simplicity and compactness, across a line of...

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Safe Eyes Mesh No-Fog Safety Goggles

$28.99 from Amazon »

The dust is kicked up from here to next Tuesday! The fit's hitting the shan! Save yourself from unidentified flying objects! Safe Eyes Mesh Safety Goggles won't help when the figurative dust and fit, or alien-inhabited...

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Microwaveable Slippers

$21.67 from Amazon »

Slippers. The most no-fail gift ever. Especially when you can stick them in the microwave to make them magnificently warm and cozy. And especially when they're extra plush and soft to the touch. And especially, especially...

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Gripforce Retractable Cleat Ice Boots

$299 from Gripforce »

Where were Gripforce's retractable spike boots when I was taking the banana peel challenge?! The Swedish-designed "Intelligent Winter Boot" intends to stamp out 2 widespread problems with cold weather footwear: 1) slipperiness;...

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Marvel Rainbow Bridge Fleece Jumpsuit

I'd say it takes at least as much power to wear the Rainbow Bridge as it does to fight Loki at Heimdall's Observatory and break it. And by "power" I mean long, killer legs and an ass like the shiny, perfect Pink Lady...

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Momentary Ink - Try on Your Custom Tattoo

$15 - $21 from Momentary Ink »

I wanted my girlfriend to dress up as the hot chick from Blindspot for Halloween so I could test out these Momentary Ink custom tattoos on her, but she was all, No! Absolutely not! I have a trial starting Thursday and...

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My Shiney Hiney Brush Set

$16.88 - $19.98 from Amazon »

Well. I wouldn't argue it isn't dirty. I'm just not sure I care enough to go to the lengths required to make my hiney shiney. I think this cleansing brush set for the bunghole is geared towards women anyway, judging by...

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3D Wolf Crotch Underwear

$19.98 from Amazon »

One of the 3 wolves howling at the moon on my T-shirt decided to break from the pack, and lookee where he ended up. I think this positioning works out better for both of us. He gets some privacy, and I get an accurate...

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TMNT Paracord Bracelets

$12.50 from Etsy »

When you're in a bind, dangling from a thread, and could really use some 550-strength paracord to save your hide, there's only on thing to do: call on...heroes in a half shell, Turtle Power!...

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Ramen Hoodie

$18.99 - $22.99 from Amazon »

Eat it or wear it, that's what my grandma used to say. It was meant to be a threat, but now that I see this delightfully loud and obnoxious Ramen Hoodie, I think I would like to retroactively choose the latter. I'll wear...

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Ostrich Rider Costume

$106.03 from Amazon »

Last call for the costume haul! Less than 7 days to pull together your bid for Halloween's scariest / funniest / cleverest / elaboratest. And sexyscariest / sexyfunniest / sexy.... What better to help you round it up...

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Sydney Evan Skull Ring

$620 from Sydney Evan »

For ladies with a dark side, and for the men who owe them a mid-range extravagant gift, I present you the elegantly macabre Sydney Evan Skull Ring. Its 14K rose gold band and cranial framework house 2 precious gem eyes...

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CAT Composite Toe Work Sneakers

$79.95 - $154.95 from Amazon »

They might look like standard athletic shoes, but trust me, the Streamline Sneakers are some real CAT kickers. Their low-profile, everyday sneak style is a shroud of illusion, there to ensure family and friends don't...

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Fear the Reaper Inflatable Costume

Sold Out from Amazon »

The Ghost of Christmas Future heard you're being a Scrooge about dressing up, so he's coming early this year to spook you into the Halloween spirit. Also, he's tired of getting stuck with crappy homemade iced reindeer...

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Talking Chewbacca Slippers

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

Now Wookiee here, feet! I need to you pipe down for a second! This is a sneak attack on the glazed pumpkin old fashioneds while She-Ra: Princess of Power is in the bathroom. It's cool, though. It's a baker's dozen. Her...

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Stargate Sterling Spinner Ring

$124.99 from ThinkGeek »

No, it's not a Stargate Spinner Ring because it was designed for spinners. Though if you meet an especially charming one, you can certainly give it to her, you ol' Daniel Jackson, you. It's a Stargate Spinner Ring because...

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Lowepro Drone Backpacks

$82.21 - $237.44 from Amazon »

Whoa. Is that dude going to fly his drone or catch some ghosts in a proton beam? Lowepro did not skimp on the drama and intrigue during its drone backpack photoshoot. Who is this mysterious quadcopter pilot with the excessively...

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The Cache Belt

$25 - $95 from Wazoo Survival Gear »

Sometimes you need a fishing hook in the middle of Denali. Sometimes you need a bottle opener in the middle of a Monday morning meeting. The Cache Belt can help you out with both lifesavers in both spots. Plus a needle...

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Hero Within Coats

$99 - $249 from Hero Within »

I told my gf I would agree to wear a man pea coat under one condition: it had to have a subtle and classy Bat symbol integrated into its cut and stitching across the back and shoulders. Then I smugly thought about how...

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Soap Rocks

$8.49 - $46.49 from Amazon »

Gettin' so fresh and so clean with my Lapus Lazuli. Scrubbin' down with a fine hunk of green garnet. Washin' away my sins with this bar of Black Onyx. Who needs the time to mine semi-precious stones, or the money to buy...

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Nixie Tube Watch

$758.67 from Etsy »

Nixie analog watch faces and Nixie boring, flat digital displays. Readouts from cold cathode neon gas indicators are how I want to wear my time now. I've seen Nixie tubes turned into desktop clocks before (here, for example)...

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Light & Massage Therapy Hairbrush

$89 from Amazon »

I'm a pretty pony! I'm a pretty pony! And it's all because I use the Light & Massage Therapy Hairbrush by Body Essentials! No, not really. I'm a pretty pony because I have some damn fine genes. The brush just keeps my...

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Ron English's Vandalism Starter Kit

$12.95 from Amazon »

Ron English is the father of POPaganda, a term he coined himself to describe his clever, eye-POPping artwork that mashes up the best and worst of POP culture. Ron English's Vandalism Starter Kit converts some of his finest...

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Caffeinated Toothpaste

$14.99 from Power Toothpaste »

Drinking coffee while brushing your teeth? Now that's some counterintuitive, foul-tasting multi-tasking. Unless. Unless! You can get the caffeine in your coffee directly from your toothpaste. The taste of minty freshness...

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Titanium Toothpick

$15.90 - $17.95 from Amazon »

What can you do with a titanium toothpick? Why, dig out that bit of popcorn embedded in your molar as you leave a midnight showing of The Shining, and then...stab the eyes out! of the mugger who waits for dazed victims...

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Bane Coat

Who needs a $1,000 Halloween costume? Magnoli Clothiers' Bane Coat should get you off to a good start. Slightly less so if you opt for the Goatskin over the Antique Cowhide construction--that one costs $200 less....

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Stetson Carbon Fiber Fedora

Know when I could have used a carbon fiber fedora? Nope, that's not a question dripping in sarcasm whose answer is "Never." I really could have used a carbon fiber fedora last week when my girlfriend dragged me to some...

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Dango Dapper & Tactical Wallets

$69 - $89 from Dango Products »

Dango Wallets come in 2 styles. D01 is their Dapper, a clean, precision-engineered cash and card carrier. It's made of microfiber-lined leather that's secured and compartmentalized with a CNC machined 6061 aluminum chassis...

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Olivers All Over Short

The Olivers All Over Short is like your favorite buddy to hang with: up for anything; ready to go; and all in. These performance trunks stretch 4 ways, and have called in for bar tack reinforcements at stress points...

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Voyager Insulated Meal Management Bag

$224 - $299.99 from Amazon »

If you're prepared to mule up, 6 Pack Fitness will make sure you never miss a macro again. In addition to the standard compartments for a laptop and EDC accessories for your workday, their Voyager 500 Backpack contains...

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BullToro Men's Analog Watch

$395 from Amazon »

This watch is such a formidable beast they had to name it a bull twice. In two different languages. The 60MM BullToro Analog is a timepiece for men of grandeur and power. And also for those who shouldn't be left alone...

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Star Trek Enterprise Rocker

$260 - $350 from Etsy »

It's been awhile--January 2012 to be exact--since I've seen hand-carved Star Trek splendor of this baby rocker's magnitude. Anyone remember the Enterprise coffee table? Maybe in the 4-1/2 years since you bought and set...

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Pando Moto Kevlar-Lined Motorcycle Jeans

$244 from Pando Moto »

Like Pando Moto's Karl Desert motorcycle jeans? Their stylin' Cordura denim outer layer pairs with Coolmax technology to help keep you from sweating your balls off while riding, plus panels of Kevlar at key areas along...

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DC & Marvel Comics Suits

$169.99 - $349.99 from Fun.com Suits »

Holy Marvel of Washington DC, Batman! They made a suit out of you! As teased in a preview a couple weeks ago, Fun.com is releasing a line of men's (funny / monkey?) business suits in tribute to your favorite superheroes...

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TUMI CFX Carbon Fiber Backpack

Sold Out from Amazon »

Now this is the kind of back-to-school backpack I'm talkin' about. Pure carbon fiber and leather on the outside, canvas with leather lining on the inside, plenty of storage, slim profile. And a bargain at under $1,000!...

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Vegetabrella Lettuce Umbrella

In the words of the great Lionel Richie, "You are the sun. You are the Romaine. That makes my life this foolish game." Seriously, Vegetabrella, you've reduced me to a career of Lionel and lettuce puns. Or I should say...

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The NodPod Travel Sleep System

$32 - $62 from the NODPOD »

It used to be that people dressed up for air travel. A trip on a plane meant suits, dresses, shiny shoes, slick hair, and nonstop excitement with smiles and small talk throughout the entire flight. I can't speak for everyone...

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Rocky Mountain Barber Company

$8.97 - $34.99 from Amazon »

The Rocky Mountain Barber Company invites (challenges?) all men to seek out their "inner lumberjack," latch onto it, and let 'er rip. Even if in real life you couldn't skin a log any better than you could caber toss it...

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Hate Mail Anti-Greeting Cards

$6 from Etsy »

Hatemail won't just print you the perfect card for your ex / arch nemesis, they'll mail it for you. With a personalized, custom message. 100% anonymously. If you like....

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Bev Tie Beer Koozie Tie

$21.95 from Amazon »

The mountains of North Carolina know how to stay cool. I'm not sure if it's the Blue Ridge or the Smokys, but somewhere high above sea level, industrious minds in search of cold beer, free hands, and stylin' formalwear...

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Animatronic Shark Costume

By: VFXLAB »

Seabob, an animatronic shark costume visual effects designers VFXLAB recently took for a test swim in the San Bernardino Doubletree Hotel pool, is many things. Funny, a good prank, and a way for my friend Cornelius to...