iPood Baby Onesie

Posted: December 09, 2012
iPood Baby Onesie

iPood. The onesie that states the obvious, perpetual reality for chilluns between the ages of 6 and 18 months old. And instead of a button for blasting its volume, the iPood comes with a button that aids kiddos in blasting its aromatic emissions. Crank it up to 11, Baby G! Available in black and white short sleeved, legless onesie models, the iPood surely has to be the first in a series of Apple product parodies on defecation*. Next up: the iPood Shuffle. Approach the baby wearing this one with caution, as it will change at random the orifice from which it secretes a bodily substance. Maybe iPood. Or maybe iPeed. Or iSnottedAllOverMyFace. Or iProjectileSpitUpBreastMilk.

iPood onesie interfaces are screen printed onto 100% soft, breathable cotton bodysuits with a lap shoulder and 3 snap closures between the legs. It should hold its shape when washed, which it damn well better as it will need constant post-pooed-in washings, even during the 17 to 20 days it actually fits the baby you bought it for. Babies grow so fast. When I'm high, I can actually see their tibias and fibulas getting longer. It's creepy. Almost as creepy as when they tell me I can stare all I want, but have no chance in hell of ever getting within 5 yards of their mom's rack.

*For babies anyway. Adults have long relished the Apple iPoo Toilet.

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