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Scented Peanut Butter Blossom Necklace

By: on December 24, 2014
$27.99
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Peanut Butter Blossoms. They've been a standard in my mama's Christmas cookie repertoire for as long as I've had enough teeth to eat Christmas cookies. I think that basically makes me an expert on what they're supposed to look and smell like, and while I haven't smelled this scented Peanut Butter Blossom necklace I can attest that it looks 100% real enough to eat. I bet you could leave it on a plate with a Snickerdoodle and a Gingerbread Man and easily trick a kid or a fat person into taking a bite.

The Peanut Butter Blossom necklace is crafted from polymer clay and gloss, with its trademark Hershey's Kiss stuck in the center and whatever chemical concoction they've necromanced into the scent of peanut butter and childhood injected all around. The hyperrealistic cookie dangles from an 18" sterling silver ball chain. The charm itself, sadly, has not be scaled to actual PB Blossom size, but measures 0.5" tall x 0.75" in diameter.

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F-Cup Cookies

F-Cup Cookies sound like they would be a joke, and they probably are, but for all women with concave chesticular regions and, more importantly, for all the men who have to fondle them, I sure as 2 seconds of motorboating...

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Milk & Cookie Shot Maker

$19.85 from Amazon »

Milk & cookies. & liquid chocolate. & shots. Maybe I'll make it through this year after all. Wait, what? I have to make it all myself? With molds and melters and ingredients from the store? Come on! I thought I could...

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Cards Against Humanity Fortune Cookies

$10 from OK Cookie Co. »

I like the fortunes that say things like, "Soon you will be sitting on top of the world," and "May you grow rich," followed by a series of lucky numbers that happen to coincide with those drawn during this week's Power...

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Zelda Poe Soul in a Bottle Necklace

$12 from Etsy »

If I killed dead a being of pure hatred and encapsulated it in its lantern, I'd take the rupees from the Poe Collector for it rather than let it dangle from my neck so dangerously close to my heart. Sure Poe Souls can...

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Milk & Cookies Shots

Now that the Cookie Monster has had his fling with Siri, maybe he can engage the services of Alexa to order him a dozen...or 8 dozen...of Dirty Cookie's Milk & Cookie Shots. I can't wait to see what he gets up to while...

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Mantis Vicious Circle Knife

$94.95 from Amazon »

Circles symbolize unity, wholeness, totality. And also hidden, razor-sharp blades. At least when they're Vicious Circles, and come forth from the loins of Mantis Knives....

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Naughty Cookie Cutters

$29.49 from Firebox.com »

These are disgusting. A perversion of gingerbread men, and a perversion of the spirit of Christmas!...

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X-Rated Fortune Cookies

Sold Out from Amazon »

Every time you masturbate, God chokes a kitten. I don't know if that bit of wisdom can be found in this Chinese to-go container of of X-Rated Fortune Cookies, but it should be a staple. Get your hands out of your pants...

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Peanut Butter Cup Cake

Discontinued

A gargantuan mail-order Peanut Butter Cup Cake, stacked with double layers of rich chocolate devil's food hugging real peanut butter filling, and then drowned in a dark chocolate shell, is the reason acronyms like OMFG...

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Grass Knuckles - Living Jewelry

When it comes to living things, are you more into cultivating them, or popping them in the jaw? Icelandic industrial designer Hafsteinn Juliusson's live grass knuckles are brilliantly executed wearable flora for the half...

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Electric Nut Butter Maker

$80.60 from Amazon »

To illustrate what awaits future owners of a Nut Butter Maker (i.e., my mama), I have included photos of some of the pulverized-peanut-themed treats I would like to have made for me. From left to right, they include:...

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Cremation Ash Diamonds

$3,499 from LifeGem »

From ashes to ashes...to bedazzled ashes. Gone are the days of keeping the deceased in our hearts. In their place? Keeping the deceased around our fingers, atop our wrists, or dangling from our necks. LifeGem diamonds...