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Fantasy Master Ring Knife

By: on March 04, 2013
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Oh, I see what they did. Put a knife on the knight's helmet where the plume usually goes. So it looks less dashing and, er, girly and more likely to leave numerous scars on its wearer. No, I'm sorry, make that its Fantasy Master. No word on whether or not the ring's protruding blade is sharp, but...no way is it sharp. If it even had an edge any sharper than Taylor Swift's you couldn't go 30 seconds of functioning normally wearing without gouging an innocent bystander's arm or lethally clawing your girlfriend's cat. The latter of whom probably deserves it, the moody little bastard. No need to make a spectacle or draw blood to teach it a lesson, though. My grandma taught me a few things about handling other people's unruly animals, and they involve hamburger patties and rat poison, not Fantasy Master ring knives.

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Handmade Guinea Pig Armor

$24,300 from Ebay »

I had a guinea pig as a young boy. I named him Ruffles because he and I both were somewhat effeminate. They didn't make polished steel scale outfits for guinea pigs back then. And I have to admit, taking in this majestic...

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Goth Angel Fantasy Figurines

Discontinued

I'm not really into dolls or fairies...anymore...but if someone wants to commission me one of Shadowsculpt's goth angel fantasy figurines, let's just say I'm not going to regift it along with the label maker from Elaine....

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The Chateau de Vigny

$5.7 million from Immo Best International »

You know, I've been thinking it's getting to be about time I move out of my mama's house....

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Medieval Knight Hoodie

Discontinued

See, chivalry isn't dead. It's just been co-opted by the hoodie-wearing hipster crowd. This Medieval Knight Hoodie drips of irony akin to permutations of the mustache, and trending fads akin to bacon two years ago. Thanks...

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Crocheted Knight Helmet

$19.99 - $26 from Amazon »

Medieval knight helmets. That's what hip nanas who know what it means to give their grandsons street cred crochet. Now I don't know if Dee Forrest is a grandma, but she's definitely privy to what the cool kids these days...

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Personalized Lovecraftian Bottles

$93.02 from Etsy »

Pick your poison. Actually, pick two: a spirit to fill one of Orion Oddities's sick hand-sculpted bottles with; and a Lovecraftian beast to guard its contents. The Italian design shop molds the likenesses of Cthulhu and...

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3D Printed Cat Armor

Now that the dog is Kevlared, spiked, and pokey bristled to the hilt with a CoyoteVest, it's time to turn your attention to armoring the cat. True, you've had the leather Cat Battle Armor option for a couple of years...

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Wild Knight Dog Armor

$367 from Etsy »

Your canine ca-knight in shining armor has arrived! With one caveat: Lebovskiart, the Bulgarian designer of the shining armor, reports that his dog "does not like very much these strange clothes." But for him at least...

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Sirius the White Knight Hoodie

$299 from Etsy »

Medieval knight hoodies aren't new, but when I saw this white version, coined Sirius, The White Knight, I knew it would be the perfect addition to my girlfriend, She-Ra: Princess of Power's and my bedroom activities....

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Dragon Slayer Leather Armor

$3,999.99 from Etsy »

The practicality of slaying a dragon in 100% leather armor is questionable at best, but one thing's for sure: all the fair maidens who haven't seen this much cowhide since Kiss performed at the dairy farm are gonna dig...

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Thorn Dice

$27.20 - $85 from Shapeways »

Pain, blood, Thorn Dice: you gotta pay to play. Meandering threads of contemporary CAD technology intertwine to form polyhedral dice bodies dotted with protruding thorns and varying numerical sequences that accommodate...

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Dice Rings

$19.99 from CritSuccess »

I'm from the Price Is Right generation. We like to roll the dice and spin the wheel. Also, I'm kind of into pretending I'm a 6'7" impenetrable warlord with webbed toes that assist me in making skilled water escapes. Also...