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Pandito Balaclava

By: on March 12, 2014
Discontinued

Panda bears have a notoriously low sex drive in captivity. Some of them don't even seem to know how to do it. Zookeepers must spend countless hours showing pandas bear porn and demo videos to light the fire below their bellies*. And when that doesn't work...out comes the turkey baster.

Anyway, here's a panda bear balaclava from Spencer Hansen. It's called the Pandito. I wonder if wearing it would make me feel more like a panda bear, i.e., less horny all the time. Probably not. But I bet it would get me some extra attention from the ladies. Preferably Emilia Clarke. However, I'll accept pretty much any female with a pulse who weighs less than I do.

The Pandito balaclava is 100% cotton knit and one size fits all.

*I understand polar bears have the most sex, and therefore the most extensive range of sex tapes to choose from. I bet it's because they live in the North Pole and sex is endothermic for females, who are always cold even in non-Arctic conditions. I bet female polar bears never have headaches at bedtime.

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