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Brain Hat

By: on January 06, 2012
  • Brain Hat
  • Brain Hat
  • Brain Hat
  • Brain Hat
$5
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Too stoic to wear your heart on your sleeve? Then wear your frontal lobe on your Bieber side-swept bangs! The "brainchild" of a self-proclaimed starving medical student, this clever, kitschy knitting pattern will earn you double takes everywhere from the ski slopes to the local science fair. And since most people you pass on a daily basis are in dire need of a functional, practical brain, loop up a few extras to keep on hand, and peddle them for beer money. The standard size is designed for 23- to 25-inch heads (sorry, Tyra Banks, Conan O'Brien) but can be adjusted up or down with a little ingenuity and a basic understanding of the genetic makeup of yarn. If you have yet to complete your stitch 'n' bitch training, why not get the pattern as a gift for Grandma, and ask her to take care of the hand-forging? It's probably time to hit her up for some cash anyway, so the visit will be doubly rewarding.

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Anatomical Leggings

Been scouring the racks for pants that display your ass as the true anatomical masterpiece it is? Black Milk Clothing's skin-tight anatomical leggings won't just enhance the curves of your posterior, they'll show off...

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Gotcha Cap Self Defense Tool

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You can watch the video to see the Gotcha Cap in action, or click here to watch a GIF of it showing a punk ass watermelon what's up. Issued by FAB Defense, the Gotcha Cap is a covert self defense tool (and swell hat!)...

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The Cache Belt

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Sometimes you need a fishing hook in the middle of Denali. Sometimes you need a bottle opener in the middle of a Monday morning meeting. The Cache Belt can help you out with both lifesavers in both spots. Plus a needle...

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Sap Cap - Weaponized Baseball Hat

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Unassuming. Low-profile. Comfortable. Able to shatter wrist bones. Just the combination of qualities I've been looking for in a baseball hat. The Sap Cap takes traditional headwear to the covert weapon level with its...

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Insta-Chain Automatic Tire Chains

Sadly, you cannot install Insta-Chains on your Honda Fit for instant traction in snow and ice conditions; the whirling automatic tire chains are made only for large commercial vehicles. But if you're a professional truck...

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Kobi Autonomous Yard Work Robot

$3,999 from Kobi »

Kobi eats snow for breakfast! Kobi mows lawns with the stamina of a gamer sitting down to Gears of War 4 for the first time. Kobi sucks up leaves and spits them out like a piece of sushi that looks delicious on the plate...

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KAVU Chillba Hat

$31.50 - $44.95 from Amazon »

A KAVU Chillba Hat, some KEEN UNEEK Sandals, and an unwavering commitment to bringing the whole team--even the kids who just stand around at midfield and barely break a sweat--orange slices for after their soccer games...

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Heatbuff Keyboard Hand Warmer

$71 from Envavo »

Stuck gaming in the basement with nothing but a space heater and the warmth wafting from your CPU? Boss too cheap to tick the thermostat above 68 at the office? Hands so cold you feel like you're typing with the fingers...

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Torch Wearable Coat Heater

$58.90 from Amazon »

Torch, a universal, wearable coat heater invites you to get fired up, and take this year's winter storms by storm. Use the wraparound warmer to up your puffy coat's game, or trade the marshmallow-in-a-trash-bag look for...

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Spinning F Pin

$7.99 from Ball & Chain Co. »

When indecision strikes or words fail you, let fate decide the most appropriate way to F the situation. This enamel pin secures to your lapel where it will always be within finger's reach and ready to spin-a-fuck the...

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Anatomical Gummi Bears

$39.99 from ThinkGeek »

This anatomical view of what lies beyond the high fructose corn syrup and Yellow Dye No. 5 of their epidermises paints Gummi Bears in a new light. Gives them some identity. Some humanity. Makes me feel kind of bad for...

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Vehicle Tire Snow Socks

$45.99 - $60.99 from Amazon »

Super Snow Socks aren't for the interminably cold feet of my girlfriend*, they're for the traction-challenged feet of my car that show up whenever winter drinks too much and then pukes it up all over the road just in...