Too stoic to wear your heart on your sleeve? Then wear your frontal lobe on your Bieber side-swept bangs! The "brainchild" of a self-proclaimed starving medical student, this clever, kitschy knitting pattern will earn you double takes everywhere from the ski slopes to the local science fair. And since most people you pass on a daily basis are in dire need of a functional, practical brain, loop up a few extras to keep on hand, and peddle them for beer money. The standard size is designed for 23- to 25-inch heads (sorry, Tyra Banks, Conan O'Brien) but can be adjusted up or down with a little ingenuity and a basic understanding of the genetic makeup of yarn. If you have yet to complete your stitch 'n' bitch training, why not get the pattern as a gift for Grandma, and ask her to take care of the hand-forging? It's probably time to hit her up for some cash anyway, so the visit will be doubly rewarding.