Headwear

NoSweat Hat Liner & Cap Protection

$9.99 from Amazon »

NoSweat Hat Liners are thin, lightweight, absorbent pads that stick on to hats, caps, or helmets to soak up forehead sweat so it doesn't run into your eyes. The liners also help prevent headwear staining and odor buildup...

Clip-On Man Bun

$7.99 from Amazon »

Don't worry, man-bun-coveting dudes of the brunette persuasion. These clip-on man buns also come in darker colors. Lighter ones too, platinum blondies, plus 2 different sizes, though the smaller, 3" version is recommended...

You're Too Close Baseball Hat

$10.99 from Amazon »

Did a Redditor make this "You're too close" baseball hat, or did someone else just figure out they could make enough to retire selling them to Redditors? Because if there were one piece of headwear I'd guess at least...

KAVU Chillba Hat

$31.50 - $44.95 from Amazon »

A KAVU Chillba Hat, some KEEN UNEEK Sandals, and an unwavering commitment to bringing the whole team--even the kids who just stand around at midfield and barely break a sweat--orange slices for after their soccer games...

Leather Star Wars Hats

$149.99 - $594.99 from Etsy »

Swans have a reputation for both beauty and aggression, and I think The Blonde Swan nails both with her lavishly brash Star Wars-themed leather hats. All come out of Swan Elisabeth Martin's custom Victorian milliner's...

Safe Eyes Mesh No-Fog Safety Goggles

$28.99 from Amazon »

The dust is kicked up from here to next Tuesday! The fit's hitting the shan! Save yourself from unidentified flying objects! Safe Eyes Mesh Safety Goggles won't help when the figurative dust and fit, or alien-inhabited...

Stetson Carbon Fiber Fedora

Know when I could have used a carbon fiber fedora? Nope, that's not a question dripping in sarcasm whose answer is "Never." I really could have used a carbon fiber fedora last week when my girlfriend dragged me to some...

Blackout Bands - Sleep Mask Sunglasses

$18.92 from Amazon »

Three things: 1) Welcome to 2016; 2) I've got a little something for your hangover. Especially if you have to open your eyes today; and 3) Kellan Lutz isn't a vampire, but he does play one in the worst movies in the history...

Men's Dino Hood

$54 from Etsy »

Mr. Stegosaurus, what soft scales you have. The better to nuzzle you with, my dear. And Mr. Stegosaurus, what flappy spikes you have. The better not to impale you with, my dear. And Mr. Stegosaurus, what hipster-humanlike...

Carbon Fiber & Kevlar Motorcycle Helmet

$150 from Amazon »

Get Lost Helmets has just released this German-style dome protector woven from a blend of carbon fiber and Kevlar. Though not DOT-rated, they say it's pretty strong. As in, "It can be ran over with a truck, and not even...

Heroes Never Sleep Sleep Masks

Unless you're jacked up on the caffeine and dinoflagellates in Power Glow you may need some shuteye every now and then, but superheroes? Superheroes never sleep!* And now for a mere handful of US dollars, they are willing...

LightMode Bike Helmet EL Kits

$69 - $72 from LightMode »

We've seen simultaneous nods to motorcycle safety and TRON light cycles with bike wheel lights. LightMode kits propose something similar with bike helmet lights. More specifically, ropes of EL material riders DIY around...

DIY Cardboard Masks

$7.41 from Etsy »

If you've left costume planning for your Halloween, or Eyes Wide Shut, party to the 11th hour, Steve Wintercroft may have a downloadable solution for you. I say "may" because his nifty animal, skull, and humanoid masks...

Emoji Masks

$5 - $15 from Emoji Masks »

Only Emojis make it possible to text friends realistic piles of steaming poo, and only Emoji Masks make it acceptable to call them shitheads. Wearing one for costume parties gets two Thumbs Up and three Grin Emojis; wearing...

Dry Erase Rally Flip Caps

$26.10 from Rally Flip Cap »

Dry Erase Snapback Rally Flip Caps are kind of like bumper stickers for your head. Except they don't stick there permanently until you scrape them off with Avon products and razor blades. Available in 6-panel, trucker...

Pandito Balaclava

Discontinued

Panda bears have a notoriously low sex drive in captivity. Some of them don't even seem to know how to do it. Zookeepers must spend countless hours showing pandas bear porn and demo videos to light the fire below their...

Spider-Man Beanie

Sold Out from Etsy »

Pamela Joyce Tan-Javate would like to warn people who wear her Spider-Man beanie that, unlike real spiders and Spider-Men, you have only 2 eyes, not 8. So if you're going for the full Spidey effect with the adjustable...

LED Dome Light Beanie

Sold Out from Amazon »

Athletic apparel brand Nathan's Dome Light beanie has a strip of LEDs on both its front and back sides so that other people can watch where I'm going and get out of my way. Because when dusk falls I'm usually otherwise...

Breaking Bad Heisenberg Hat

$195 from Goorin Bros. »

I'm pretty sure Macklemore, that Caucasian rapper from the Pacific Northwest, spoke of this hat in his song about wearing your grampy's coat and purchasing clothes from a thrift shop. Funny how milliner Goorin Bros. can...

Hibermate Sleeping Ear Muffs

$59.95 from Hibermate »

I love it when girls wear ear muffs. Especially big furry white ones. They give them that irresistible look of sophistication meets special needs kid. Ear muffs on guys, though? Eh. Not really acceptable. Maybe, maybe...

SleepPhones

$39.95 from Amazon »

I thought maybe SleepPhones blocked out the sounds of snoring and garbage trucks and sirens and stupid F'ing songbirds with some sort of industrial acoustic insulation woven inside their fleece headband, but the self-described...

Travel Hoodie Pillow

$19.95 from Hoodie Pillow »

Shark Tank strikes again. The Hoodie Pillow, another concept first introduced on ABC's entrepreneurial cattle call, has debuted a travel version of its fleece snooze-time companion. In this case, the namesake hood connects...

Crocheted Optimus Prime Helmet

Discontinued

My grandma used to crochet me things. Yeah, used to. Like she used to make me waffles from scratch. Then she got lazy and just hoped I wouldn't notice when she started replacing the once bountiful discs cratered with...

Ninja Turtles Beanie

$35 from Etsy »

If given the choice between the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Bra and Miss Pamela's Ninja Turtles beanie, most men would probably choose the beanie for themselves and the bra for all ladies. But not me. I would choose...