Pheromone-Enhanced Tactical Soap

By: on March 11, 2015

Tyler Durden doesn't need any help from pheromones to get laid, but, uh, I could maybe use some if they work. And Tactical Soap maker Grondyke Soap Company assures me the evidence suggests that they do. Tactical Soap is a line of sudser uppers infused with proprietary bio-identical pheromone formulas. Or, as could more appropriately be deemed the case with the company's inaugural Fight Club-inspired release, the Durden: it's a bar of soap that's been punched in the face by biological lady bait.

Each Tactical Soap will eventually focus on pheromone blends that target specific male traits the opposite sex tends to find attractive. With Androstenone as its chemical foundation, the Durden has been calibrated to jack up your:

  • Alpha status
  • Masculinity
  • Charisma
  • Mischief
  • Attractiveness
  • Non-aggressive dominance
  • Brad Pitt 6-pack. I hope.

I plan to use my bar of Durden this Friday night. I will let you know if I wake up Saturday morning handcuffed to the bed with fingernail welts all over my chest and back, and Angelina asking from the kitchen how crisp I want the bacon she's frying up to accompany my bacon omelet, bacon hash, and toast with bacon jam.

Durden's, along with all forthcoming Tactical Soap, pheromone cocktail has been formulated by a clinical psychologist, and comes backed by various studies on the legitimacy of true chemical attraction. To check out the results of one of those studies, Grondyke Soap Company recommends watching this test ABC's 20/20 did using 2 sets of twins at a speed dating event in New York. Note to Sara and Bridget: Pheromones or not, I would be more than happy to go out with both of you. At any time. Even at the same time. Preferably at the same time....

The non-sex-magnet components of Durden are all natural soap with a cedarwood scent (pheromones themselves are unscented).

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