97

Pheromone-Enhanced Tactical Soap

By: on March 11, 2015

Tyler Durden doesn't need any help from pheromones to get laid, but, uh, I could maybe use some if they work. And Tactical Soap maker Grondyke Soap Company assures me the evidence suggests that they do. Tactical Soap is a line of sudser uppers infused with proprietary bio-identical pheromone formulas. Or, as could more appropriately be deemed the case with the company's inaugural Fight Club-inspired release, the Durden: it's a bar of soap that's been punched in the face by biological lady bait.

Each Tactical Soap will eventually focus on pheromone blends that target specific male traits the opposite sex tends to find attractive. With Androstenone as its chemical foundation, the Durden has been calibrated to jack up your:

  • Alpha status
  • Masculinity
  • Charisma
  • Mischief
  • Attractiveness
  • Non-aggressive dominance
  • Brad Pitt 6-pack. I hope.

I plan to use my bar of Durden this Friday night. I will let you know if I wake up Saturday morning handcuffed to the bed with fingernail welts all over my chest and back, and Angelina asking from the kitchen how crisp I want the bacon she's frying up to accompany my bacon omelet, bacon hash, and toast with bacon jam.

Durden's, along with all forthcoming Tactical Soap, pheromone cocktail has been formulated by a clinical psychologist, and comes backed by various studies on the legitimacy of true chemical attraction. To check out the results of one of those studies, Grondyke Soap Company recommends watching this test ABC's 20/20 did using 2 sets of twins at a speed dating event in New York. Note to Sara and Bridget: Pheromones or not, I would be more than happy to go out with both of you. At any time. Even at the same time. Preferably at the same time....

The non-sex-magnet components of Durden are all natural soap with a cedarwood scent (pheromones themselves are unscented).

Check it out

Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

Buy Now

Octopus Shower Caddy

$32.95 from Amazon »

The Octopus Shower Caddy is for all of us and for everywhere. Kids and adults, dorms and McMansion master baths, those whose homes are already filled with cephalopods, and those still bereft of a single one. Look at this...

Buy Now

Stack - Infinite Soap Bars

Sold Out from Amazon »

What if your bar of soap's slivered remains could transform from flat to stacked with no hassle, no waste, and no complex procedures or anesthesia? Simply and terrifically brilliant--like so many Kickstarter projects--Stack...

Buy Now

Weener Kleener Soap

$9.99 from Amazon »

I don't think that's how you spell "wiener" or "cleaner", but I'm willing to overlook the mistake on account of the fact that my penis has been bugging me for its own soap ever since it got the wrong end of a bar I used...

Buy Now

Money Duck Soap - Up to $50 in Each Bar

$12.72 from Amazon »

Know someone who could be a little more diligent about washing their hands? Or their body? Just remember, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Or, in this case, you catch more hygienic kids and friends with cash...

Check it out

The Super Shaver Soap Saver

Discontinued

August 2014 Update: Having received multiple emails from Dude readers noting that they ordered, and paid for, the Super Shaver Soap Saver months ago and have neither never received their product, nor an explanation for...

Buy Now

Magnetic Soap Holder

$47.48 from Amazon »

Now this looks like some soap beamed straight down from Captain Kirk's bathroom on the Starship Enterprise. It's hovering there in midair because the pyramid base of the holder has telekinetic powers. And also a couple...

Check it out

Wooden Boat Bathtub

Rub-a-dub-dub, I want a wooden boat bathtub. Even more than I want a Hot Tub Tug Boat. Because while the latter may be slightly cooler and more likely to help me win friends and influence people, Unique Wood Design's...

Check it out

Know Thy Nuts Soap on a Rope

$14.99 from Movember Store »

I guess the Movember Store's Know Thy Nuts Soap on a Rope looks like a set of testicles. But it also looks like a lopsided butt and a white Grimace from the McDonald's commercials. So it wouldn't just make a great gift...

Buy Now

Soap Rocks

$8.49 - $46.49 from Amazon »

Gettin' so fresh and so clean with my Lapus Lazuli. Scrubbin' down with a fine hunk of green garnet. Washin' away my sins with this bar of Black Onyx. Who needs the time to mine semi-precious stones, or the money to buy...

Check it out

Activated Charcoal Liquid Soap

$21 from Latika »

Activated charcoal. You can eat it in hellfire burgers. You can brush your teeth with it for impurity removal and, ironically, whitening power. You can swallow it in pill form to alleviate <a href="/blog/ba-in-the...

Check it out

Erox Arousal Body Spray

$59.95 from Erox »

Erox is a unisex body spray that synergizes scents of grapefruit, bergamot, pepper, lavender, and amber with actual human pheromones. It's like Axe with pseudo-pop-scientific research, and reality-TV vixen Adrienne Curry...