107

Body Mint Internal Deodorant Pills

By: on March 11, 2014
  • Body Mint Internal Deodorant Pills
  • Body Mint Internal Deodorant Pills
  • Body Mint Internal Deodorant Pills
$18.95
Check It Out

I can't guarantee you'll get laid if you don't smell like a cesspool of bacteria and last night's broccoli & Cheez Whiz casserole, but I can guarantee you won't get laid if you do. My point: you're better off not smelling like a cesspool of bacteria and last night's broccoli & Cheez Whiz casserole. Understandably, that's easier said than done for some active bodies and active eaters. So for you there's Body Mint Sport, a bottle of pills intended to curb the olfactory repercussions of highly active lifestyles.

Body Mint Sport pills have been formulated specifically for athletes and heavy sweaters concerned their body odor will repel or ruin their chances of physical contact with other human beings. According to creators Zero Gravity Hawaii, taking 2 Body Mint tablets twice a day will begin the attack on odor internally, neutralizing noxious fumes that would otherwise waft from sweaty armpits and feet. It also fights bad breath.

Made from "healthy green ingredients", namely a derivative of chlorophyll, they say Body Mint Sport can be used in addition to or instead of deodorant. If that's true, I'm going to buy a whole Santa Claus sack of the stuff and hand it out to homeless people and hippies and everyone I see leaving a Taco Bell. Resistant parties will be informed that the little green tablets are super-concentrated marijuana plant extract. No wait...all parties will be informed that they're super-concentrated weed pills. I'll charge $5 per pair. I can see the headline in the Times now: "Man Improves Smell of City Populace, Gets Extremely Rich." Mayor, I'll take that Man of the Year award whenever you're ready.

Active men and women, or sedentary men and women who smell like they're active, can purchase Body Mint Sport in 54-count bottles.

Buy Now

Sure F**k Cologne

$24.75 from Amazon »

Sure Fuck Cologne is a self-described "cool fresh manly scent that thrusts women into a crazy hot SEXUAL FRENZY!" Whoa. That's specific. They even put "sexual frenzy" in all caps like it is when I think it over and over...

Buy Now

Spray the Bi*ch Away Aromatherapy Perfume

$23.50 from Amazon »

Dude. When I saw the name "Spray the Bitch Away" for this bottle of aromatherapy perfume I thought it was for men with mean wives and girlfriends, or crazy exes. I thought it would be the perfect Anti-Valentine's Day...

Check it out

Scented Herb Temporary Tattoos

$18 from Tattly »

Yes, ma'am I do have a tattoo of rosemary on my arm. Wanna smell it? ... No, wait! It's not scratch 'n' sniff, it's.... Yes ma'am, I now have a tattoo of chopped rosemary on my arm....

Buy Now

Backflow Incense Burners

$25 - $299 from Amazon »

OK, She-Ra: Princess of Power, I will get you a cascading waterfall of burning incense for Valentine's Day if you promise not to use the thing as a cauldron and Double, double toil and trouble a hex on me when you find...

Buy Now

Yank Me Candles

$19.95 from Amazon »

Yank Me Candles are terrific gag or white elephant gifts in the vein of WTF Prank Candles, but with a different kind of blood pulsing through them. The latter have delightful sounding names, such as Apple Pie, on the...

Check it out

Down There Repair

$15.95 from Sam's Natural »

Application of Sam's Natural Down There Repair fixes two major male discomforts and social embarrassments: chafed crotch and smelly crotch. It can also be used preventatively, thwarting these afflictions from striking...

Check it out

Le Labo Santal 26 Fragrance Diffuser

$590 from Le Labo »

Le Labo says, "Sure, Thomas Edison gave us light, but he didn't include a nebulizer to transform our Santal 26 fragrance oil into a fine mist to spread both light and perfume into your home." Which is crazy because I...

Buy Now

HEX On Demand+ Spray & Go Gear Cleaner

$9.99 from Amazon »

HEX knows the best part of working out is when you can't go right home and throw your sweaty stuff in the laundry or STINKBoss after, so you wad it up in a plastic bag and leave it to roast in your car for the next 8...

Buy Now

SweatBlock Clinical Strength 7-Day Antiperspirant

$19.99 from Amazon »

Yeah, yeah I know sweating is healthy, but everything in moderation, right? And if your glands produce more of a torrential downpour than a morning dew every time you get hot, winded, or stressed out, SweatBlock antiperspirant...

Buy Now

ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel

$9.99 from Amazon »

I didn't have enough room in the title to add "...for Man Parts." Do you think it would be too offensive to give a bottle of ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel to this guy I know at work as an Anonymous Santa gift?...

Check it out

Swallowable Parfum

Swallowable Parfum is a capsule that, when ingested, releases perfumed scents through its host's pores. So instead of spritzing dewy showers of juniper and orange blossom onto your body, you'll be able to sweat aromatic...

Buy Now

F**k Me Perfume

$26 from Amazon »

In the words of the great Marcy Playground, "I smell sex and can-dy." Or is that sex and cran-ber-ries? With tonka mousse and a hint of Tuscan blood orange. From the perfumers and the sexologists who brought you Sure...