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Bodily Candles

By: on March 27, 2015
$29.69
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Been looking for some tabletop art to spruce up the living room? How's about a pair of candles made from the ears of Sloth and the mouth of the fat lady's face Arnold wore in Total Recall? These odd waxen pieces, called Bodily Candles, almost match the one of Toht's melting face in the Most Disturbing Wicked Object category.

Sold singly in styles Disgusted Mouth and Ears, the Bodily Candles look only slightly more creepy while burning than they do just sitting there. So, yeah, a swell addition even to places you don't plan to light them, such as your desktop at work or the ledge of the toilet tank right before the fam comes over to your mama's house for Easter dinner. Candles are hand cast using layers of wax, so each one may present a subtly different skin tone. Disgusted Mouth is made from eco soya wax, whiles Ears grows from micro-crystalline wax.

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Melting Bloody Hand Candle

$35 from Etsy »

Now here's a bloody handy gift for Halloween. Bryan Lawrence makes these terrifically creepy candles, you guessed it, by hand, using flesh-colored wax for the outer layers of their fingers and palms, and blood-red on...

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Rekindle Regenerating Candlestick

While I would prefer a wax color more masculine than pink, I--What? Pink is the color of unconditional love and nurturing? Oh. OK, Mama.--I guess my mama likes pink. Yep.... Working from home today.... Anyway, I applaud...

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WTF Prank Candles

$11.95 from WTF Prank Candles »

WTF does using the term "WTF" in reference to a candle mean? In a nutshell: "Mmmm, this smells incredible! Just like the apple pie my grandma used to make with the shortbread crust and the....gaaaaasssspppp!. W...T...F...is...

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Earwax Candle Kit

$7.89 from Amazon »

Here comes the Earwax Candle Kit just when you thought you couldn't find the perfect gift for your mom. I don't know about yours but I know my mama loves candles, and also hates waste, and based on the number of used...

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ShapeScale 3D Body Scanner

$299 - $499 from ShapeScale »

ShapeScale says its 3D body scanner and fitness tracker is "like a magic mirror that allows you to time travel. See your present and past self from any angle." Hmmm, "magic mirror," huh? Something tells me my relationship...

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Diamond Ring Candles

$24.95 from Diamond Candles »

Diamond Candles makes candles (duh) with embedded diamonds (du...really?) Each candle is guaranteed to contain a sparkly ring for its burner to discover as the wax diminishes. Granted, they're not all diamonds, and they're...

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Yank Me Candles

$19.95 from Amazon »

Yank Me Candles are terrific gag or white elephant gifts in the vein of WTF Prank Candles, but with a different kind of blood pulsing through them. The latter have delightful sounding names, such as Apple Pie, on the...

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Glass Skull Tiki Torch

$29.99 from Amazon »

No need to wait for Halloween to line your path with Skull Tiki Torches. I think the creepy lanterns of death would make great additions to Labor Day weekend parties too. They certainly capture my feelings about the end...

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Wish Clips - Candle Holders for Drinks

$9.99 from Wish Clips »

Happy birthday, ya big lush! Wish Clips, candle holders that slip onto the rims of drink glasses, offer a simpler, more subtle, and cakeless way for thirsty adults celebrating a birthday or other special event to make...

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Torch Plant Light Botanical Candle

How precious. A floating puff of plant with an LED light at its end. Though overpriced by a factor of 8, the Torch Plant Light Botanical Candle is a clever centerpiece designed by Japan's Pianta x Stanza to look like...

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Liquid Latex Black Light Body Paint (NSFW)

$45.23 from Amazon »

This Liquid Latex Body Paint Black Light Kit is pretty self-explanatory. I don't have much to say about it. Except that, in perusing the image gallery above...I think I found Waldo. It wasn't even that hard. I mean, before...

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Crying Unicorn Candle

$24.79 from Firebox.com »

Is a crying unicorn a sign of impending doom or a hint that I should go get my coffee cup and drink up that rainbow magic for good luck?...