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Bodily Candles

By: on March 27, 2015
$29.69
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Been looking for some tabletop art to spruce up the living room? How's about a pair of candles made from the ears of Sloth and the mouth of the fat lady's face Arnold wore in Total Recall? These odd waxen pieces, called Bodily Candles, almost match the one of Toht's melting face in the Most Disturbing Wicked Object category.

Sold singly in styles Disgusted Mouth and Ears, the Bodily Candles look only slightly more creepy while burning than they do just sitting there. So, yeah, a swell addition even to places you don't plan to light them, such as your desktop at work or the ledge of the toilet tank right before the fam comes over to your mama's house for Easter dinner. Candles are hand cast using layers of wax, so each one may present a subtly different skin tone. Disgusted Mouth is made from eco soya wax, whiles Ears grows from micro-crystalline wax.

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Earwax Candle Kit

$7.89 from Amazon »

Here comes the Earwax Candle Kit just when you thought you couldn't find the perfect gift for your mom. I don't know about yours but I know my mama loves candles, and also hates waste, and based on the number of used...

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Rekindle Regenerating Candlestick

While I would prefer a wax color more masculine than pink, I--What? Pink is the color of unconditional love and nurturing? Oh. OK, Mama.--I guess my mama likes pink. Yep.... Working from home today.... Anyway, I applaud...

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WTF Prank Candles

$11.95 from WTF Prank Candles »

WTF does using the term "WTF" in reference to a candle mean? In a nutshell: "Mmmm, this smells incredible! Just like the apple pie my grandma used to make with the shortbread crust and the....gaaaaasssspppp!. W...T...F...is...

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Diamond Ring Candles

$24.95 from Diamond Candles »

Diamond Candles makes candles (duh) with embedded diamonds (du...really?) Each candle is guaranteed to contain a sparkly ring for its burner to discover as the wax diminishes. Granted, they're not all diamonds, and they're...

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Yank Me Candles

$19.95 from Amazon »

Yank Me Candles are terrific gag or white elephant gifts in the vein of WTF Prank Candles, but with a different kind of blood pulsing through them. The latter have delightful sounding names, such as Apple Pie, on the...

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Flameless Arc Lighter for Candles & BBQs

$19.97 from Amazon »

Like the slide, this flameless arc lighter is electric, so you can boogie-woogie-woogie through wind and rain, and without filling and refilling it with gas fluid. The long handle provides easier and safer access to hot...

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Crying Unicorn Candle

$24.79 from Firebox.com »

Is a crying unicorn a sign of impending doom or a hint that I should go get my coffee cup and drink up that rainbow magic for good luck?...

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Torch Plant Light Botanical Candle

How precious. A floating puff of plant with an LED light at its end. Though overpriced by a factor of 8, the Torch Plant Light Botanical Candle is a clever centerpiece designed by Japan's Pianta x Stanza to look like...

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Liquid Latex Black Light Body Paint (NSFW)

$99.50 from Amazon »

This Liquid Latex Body Paint Black Light Kit is pretty self-explanatory. I don't have much to say about it. Except that, in perusing the image gallery above...I think I found Waldo. It wasn't even that hard. I mean, before...

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Edible Chocolate Candles

$9.99 from Vat 19 »

Edible Chocolate Candles are for when some little guy...or some little guy's Auntie She-Ra's boyfriend...gets a little too zealous about diving into the double chocolate with chocolate fudge and chocolate cookie crumbles...

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Hatching Dragon Candle

$44.09 from Firebox.com »

We've always known that out of the dragon's mouth comes the fire. Now, thanks to a particularly acid-washed, acid-tongued Mother, we also know it's possible that out of the fire's mouth come the dragons. So here's a candle...

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Man Can - Gun Powder Scented Candle

$9.50 from Man Can »

Man Cans. Scented candles for men. No. For Men. Endorsed by Thor, Indiana Jones, and the Dos Equis guy. This one smells like a spent shotgun shell. At $9.50, it also smells like I'm done looking for a Father's Day gift...