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Uncle Sam Swimsuit

By: on July 04, 2012

Uncle Sam has always had kind of a negative connotation to me. Until now. I guess he just needed the right context. Strategic placement on a nice Polyester/nylon/Lycra medium.

Another in a long line of quirky, nerdy, yet surprisingly sexy swimsuits from Black Milk Clothing, the Uncle Sam incarnation would like to wish each and every one of you a safe and happy 4th of July. Filled with friends, booze, BBQs, girls in hot bathing suits splashing around in cool bodies of water, and a few hours of respite from bitching about American government and its metaphorical Uncle overlord. Today of all days, let us be reminded that no country is perfect, and those of us who call America home are pretty lucky SOBs.

Who will feel even luckier once Team USA starts raking in the gold at the Summer 2012 Olympics.

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aRks 3D Printed Bikinis

aRks 3D has prototyped a series of 3D printed bikinis they call Coral. And I know what all the dudes out there are thinking: that's some Coral I'd sure like to come across in the ocean. In stark contrast what's running...

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Sexy Chest Swimsuit

$59.95 from Amazon »

A sexy man chest to caress and a sexy swimsuit to wear to your next pool outing - talk about having your cake and eating it too, ladies. Good for more than just a few laughs or you next gag gift, the Sexy Chest Swimsuit...

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EQUUS BASS770 - New American Muscle Car

$250k - $290k from EQUUS Automotive »

Designed and manufactured in the USA. That's the battle cry of the 2014 EQUUS BASS770, a contemporary nod to American muscle cars of the 60s and 70s. It's also probably the reason for its starting price tag of $250 grand....

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The Batman Collection

$30 - $100 from Black Milk Clothing »

Black Milk Clothing's Batman Collection has a Batsuit for every type of crime a girl could want to fight. For example, not looking hot. Or not showing enough leg. Not showing enough cleavage. Not wearing a belted Bat-Signal...

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Sharkini Swimsuit

$120 from Bad Aby Designs »

Sharks are scary. Girls are scary. Gaaahhh! It's the worst hybrid ever! To all Dude Facebook readers who expressed sentiments of peeved off at our posting of a Sharkini photo without information about where to throw wads...

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US State 3D Wood Topographic Maps

$75 - $125 from Etsy »

And if you go with Florida, you can use your 3D Wood Topographic Map as a perfectly level cutting board! Haha, Florida's flatter than piss on a plate. I've always wanted to ride a Schwinn 10 Speed top-to-bottom through...

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Confederate P51 Combat Fighter

$113,900 - $119,500 from Confederate Motorcycles »

Confederate has been releasing Combat motorcycles regularly since 1999; just during my short tenure in these parts we've seen the formidable X132 Hellcat Combat and its follow-up, the equally vicious X132 Hellcat Speedster....

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Mass Effect Clothing

$78 - $92 from Black Milk Clothing »

I know many of you are thinking it, so I'm just gonna put it on paper: the mass effect of Black Milk's Mass Effect body-hugging clothing collection is to effectively give every male fan of the video game series a massive...

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Finfolk Custom Mermaid Tails

By what magnitude would the awesomeness of mud wrestling increase if all the ladies participating got to wear a Finfolk Productions 100% dragonskin and platinum cure silicone mermaid tail? Muddy, slippery, rolling on...

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Presidential Knife Fight: The Game

Let me just address 2 points about Presidential Knife Fight: The Game up front. 1) It's a card game, not some Mortal Kombat-Pokemon Go hybrid that lets you find and collect past American Presidents to duke it out with...

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Ugly Christmas Swimsuit

I have one thing to say to all of you who live in Southern California and Miami and Australia. You who will be sweating balls this Christmas instead of freezing your ass off making them out of snow: jerks. The only things...

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Patriots Being Badass Prints

$25 from Etsy »

These patriots heard the battle cry of Team America, and hollered back an even louder Fuck Yeah! From Paul Revere's Midnight Ride on a Tron Light Cycle to Abe Lincoln wielding an M16 and giddy-upping on a grizzly bear...