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Samuel Adams Onesie

By: on July 04, 2015
$95
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I like the onesie, but if I have to make that bro face while wearing it, I'm out, Sam Adams. Also not really down with the full-frontal-zip look. Not only because of the whole suffocation thing, but also because it makes the suit look like some perverse patriotic take on a KKK robe. Not cool.

On another note, Happy 4th of July! Celebrate the USA today with some beers, some RWB-iced cupcakes, some fire, and some pajamas stamped with the American flag. Shinesty's Samuel Adams Patriot Onesie comes in sizes S through XL, and zips open/shut at both the bottom and the top to facilitate covering your face while flashing your wiener.

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Star Wars Adult Onesies

$64.45 from Amazon »

Star Wars onesies for adults are what's called being comfortably chic on Halloween, and F'ing awesome the other 364 days of the year. Boba Fett, R2-D2, a stormtrooper, and the grandaddy of being the worst daddy of all...

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Baby Thug Onesie

$19.98 from Amazon »

"I just did 9 months on the inside...and now that I'm out, my mom is making me wear an orange onesie that, for some reason, encourages many who see me to double-bump a fist against their chest and flash me two fingers."...

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Top Gun Onesie

$229 from OnePiece »

Take my breath away is right. This Top Gun jumpsuit does it in the comfort of 100% French terry cotton too. So soft, according to maker OnePiece, I won't even know it's there. And really, how long will it be there once...

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Suitsy Business Suit Onesie

$264.60 from Beta Brand »

Dress Pants Sweatpants are OK for the average day at the office, but what if you have an important meeting with the Japanese investors? Or a big interview? Or your great aunt's funeral? When formality is required, but...

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Marvel Rainbow Bridge Fleece Jumpsuit

I'd say it takes at least as much power to wear the Rainbow Bridge as it does to fight Loki at Heimdall's Observatory and break it. And by "power" I mean long, killer legs and an ass like the shiny, perfect Pink Lady...

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Ladies' Superhero Rompers

$34.99 from ThinkGeek »

These caped superhero rompers for ladies look like pajamas, comfy Halloween costumes, and instant pants snake charmers all rolled into one. Another trifecta the onesies manage to nail:...

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Level 1 Human Baby Creeper Romper

Sold Out from Amazon »

It's never too early to indoctrinate your kids into the world of role-playing. Even casual RPG enthusiasts will get a kick out of J!NX's Level 1 Human Baby Creeper Romper for the 2 to 3 weeks it actually fits their ludicrous-speed-growing...

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Baby Tattoo Sleeve Onesie

$28.75 from Amazon »

This baby with a mohawk and sleeves tattooed on his arms looks ridiculous. Even though the mohawk is probably just a styling of the only hair he has on his head and the sleeves are part of a onesie. The poor bastard....

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Hoodsie - Adult Hooded Onesie

$65 - $85 from Hoodsie »

The bad news: at printing, Hoodsie adult hooded onesies just completed a successful Kickstarter campaign, and are available only for pre-order. Delivery is not anticipated until April 2014, long after the most bone-chilling...

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Wearable Japanese Futon

Funny how a mere 90-degree turn can transform this wearable Japanese futon from a reasonably comfortable night's sleep into an awkward, stifling onesie that probably goes swish, swish between your thighs with every step....

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Team USA Motorcycle Mask

$450 from Etsy »

The Patriot Mask is one of my favorite masks that I have created. Oh. I guess I should put quotes around or italicize that statement since it was said by the person who isn't me who actually created it. Leather artist...

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Doppelganger Humanoid Fleece

Leave it to Japan Trend Shop to extol the virtues of these Humanoid Fleeces--a "secret" second run of the onesies that sold out during their initial release, your ticket to looking like a superhero in a cult sci-fi movie--while...