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Friday, May 24, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Mark Ecko is doing everything he can to make Star Wars a leading name in high fashion. I just wish the items were priced in accordance with the bank accounts of Star Wars fans rather than those of Star Wars actors and directors....

Wednesday, June 26, 2013
$22 - $24 from Etsy »

The medium is the massage, and the massage is a T-Shirt. A T-Shirt with a railroad play mat and accompanying locomotive, baby! And baby daddies! Becky of bkykid must be the envy of all moms who fancy themselves clever craft...

Sunday, February 23, 2014
$36.95 from BeerShorts »

Cold beers, cold thighs, elastic waist to accommodate the intake of fried things with your Buds and Coors, what more could you ask for in a pair of shorts? Beershorts' pair of built-in koozies not only eliminate the tedious task of finding a table or risking setting your can in the line of foot fire on the ground, but their neoprene liners also keep your beers, plus the legs next to them, chilled...

Friday, November 30, 2012
$34.99 - $37.99 from Amazon »

I've been looking for the perfect Christmas gift to give my crestfallen cousin, who just received his rejection letter from Harvard Law. I hate my cousin. He's an insolent little twat. I was going to anonymously send him some...

Thursday, October 11, 2012
$123 - $134 from Black Milk Clothing »

I have always felt that Star Wars could use more of two things: skin and spandex. Princess Leia bikinis notwithstanding, I'm sure you agree. Right? Well, ever present to charge forth and fill a gap that never really existed...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011
$295 from Etsy »

Hot. Sexy. Latex. When I think of Mario Bros. those are definitely the first 3 words that come to mind. And this latex dress captures that perfectly. I wonder how sweaty I would get if I tried to put that thing on? Not wear it.... just tried to put it on....

Monday, April 29, 2013
$128 from Wool & Prince »

Do you know how many men in the Pacific Northwest are going to go apeshit when they find out about a wool shirt that will stay wrinkle- and odor-free for 100 days straight...without washing, ironing, or dry cleaning it? All...

Thursday, June 20, 2013
$58 from Bethesda »

Mmm, I smell a Cake Bake-Off coming on. Residents of Vault 101 take note: I will accept submissions of the sponge variety only this year. A fleece zip-up nod to the Fallout series, Bethesda's Vault 101 hoodie is passable video...

Monday, April 29, 2013
$58.95 from Lovelysally »

Laser Cats has finally made the leap from SNL short to Italian women's fashion. Sans copyright infringement given that these leggings' cats shoot lasers from their eyes instead of their mouths, and appear to be permanently...

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

She's just been let loose to wreak havoc and revenge in Batman: Arkham City. Harley Quinn's equally deadly next stop? Ladies' legs. And this time, her weapon of choice is an explosive cocktail of Polyester and Spandex. Black...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Monday, June 17, 2013
Discontinued

Noooooo! As if there weren't enough things in this world to make me horny! Now R2-D2 is getting in on the tent pitching action? Etsy vendor Sceene Shoes, also of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bra fame, shares some Star Wars...

Friday, April 27, 2012
Discontinued

What's better than a girl wearing skin-sucking Lycra pants with legs smattered in Tetris blocks? A girl wearing no pants. With an ass smattered in Tetris blocks. Just in time for the heat, the beach, and the pubescent teenagers...

Monday, December 2, 2013
$64.95 from Amazon »

At first I was like, This is the ugliest ugly Christmas sweater I've ever seen. It is so ugly it's not even ironic, it's just ugly. Then my (newly single!) friend Cornelius reminded me it looks like Will Ferrell as Buddy the...

Thursday, November 7, 2013
$160 from 80stees.com »

By the power of Greyskull! No, wait, that's not it. It's Morphin time! Uh...getting closer, but...no. Hold on...ah, here we go. These robotic lion fangs were impeding the movement of my cerebral neurons. Activate interlock!...

Monday, October 28, 2013

Gizmo on a swimsuit? What fool thought that was a good idea? It's the one article of clothing whose expressed purpose in life is to bask in the sunlight and get wet. Mogwais can't be exposed to bright light. And MOGWAIS CAN'T...

Saturday, June 16, 2012
$175 from Etsy »

Cosplay, Comic-Con, even the swimming pool. Yes, this handwoven chainmail bikini top is waterproof and primed for a summer of splashing, floating, and breaststroking medieval style. All that's missing is the sea serpent raft...

Monday, October 28, 2013
$139 from Ledge Pants »

While my immediate concern upon spilling an entire cup of coffee on my crotch is searing the hair off my balls and neutralizing my baby-making potential, once I stop screaming and have received a pudding pop to console me...

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Designed to be worn for any casual summertime activity, Lacrosse Playground's Convertible Shorts appear to be a normal pair of tea partaying men's fashion. When dry. But knock their wearer in the pool right after he comments...

Wednesday, February 5, 2014
$39 from Topatoco »

Brandon Bird created this Squid Flame hoodie, a clever piece of gear for all the fans of fantastical sea beasts and marine biologists out there. It is unclear, though, if Bird or someone on online retailer Topatoco's payroll...

Sunday, August 25, 2013

They call the leggings First Contact Sucks because some are of the opinion that Meeting other intelligent life forms for the first time could probably have gone a little better. What, better than KRA-KOOOOM!? But I love KRA-KOOOOM!...

Monday, July 2, 2012
$25.95 - $35 from Amazon »

Being a fan of the Dark Knight isn't necessary for giving two enthusiastic thumbs up and a shit-eating grin to this Batsuit. Ladies wearing a glow-in-the-dark Batman camisole and lace-up underwear set might even turn Robin's...

Thursday, September 20, 2012
$64.99 from Amazon »

It's a highly inappropriate Rudolph sandwich, wherein Rudolph proves that he can both dish it out and take it. The Reindeer Threesome Sweater is to make your holidays, and particularly your impending Ugly Christmas Sweater...

Sunday, March 17, 2013
$18.95 from SplitReason »

The most highly decorated members of the Nerd Herd sport 10 official, cartoonish-looking, 2D medals representing the pinnacle of their march through contemporary society. A society rife with retro-Nintendo enthusiasm, Star...

Saturday, June 2, 2012

I suppose the Dope Swimsuit describes how the women wearing it look and feel, as well as what the men who see these women act like they have been smoking. A jet black one-piece with "Dope" spelled in hip cursive just slightly...

Wednesday, September 4, 2013
$22.95 - $27.95 from Amazon »

If you can't afford to be a stormtrooper in latex, how about an R2D2 in body-hugging cotton blend? This tunic-length tank top is very classy stuff, ladies. Very classy. I say that not only as a man who would be honored to...

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Otherworldly neon suction cups for the legs! Artist James Lillis took a NASA photo of an actual galaxy, and transposed it onto tongue-waggingly tight leggings in purples and blues so riveting anyone who gazes upon them will...

Wednesday, December 19, 2012
$89.99 from Etsy »

Aaahhh! Sensory overload! Star Wars, comic books, low cut, short skirt, hot girl...too many pleasing stimuli for my sensitive male ecosystem to process. Now this is a New Year's Eve dress if I've ever seen one....

Saturday, October 26, 2013
$69.99 - $72.99 from Amazon »

It's not quite as cool as toting a real Proton pack, and infinitely less cool than being the real Peter Venkman, but this Ghostbusters printed Venkman jacket is still better than a tan Russell Athletic zip-up from Target...

Thursday, February 14, 2013
$225 from Beta Brand »

I don't usually smoke, but when I do, I also like to dress up like a Red Dragon, wear a monocle--in both eyes--and sip whiskey out of my Swig & Puff Flask. I also like when the dragon costume is subtle enough to wear to work....

Thursday, October 24, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

The Catzilla sweatshirt's manufacturer got me all hyped naming their bitchin' piece of runway domination the "Catzilla sweatshirt," but then pulled a Ben Stiller movie and stunk it up on the garment's description: "Sweatshirt...

Tuesday, August 14, 2012
$125 from Beta Brand »

Betabrand, which also gave life to the Dress Pants Sweatpants, now sets its sights on helping you to, I quote, "make a nuclear-fueled spectacle of yourself" with its Reversible Disco Hoodie. Black cotton business on the outside...

Wednesday, December 5, 2012
$98 from Etsy »

Using the Roland TR-909 Rhythm Composer as their inspiration, The Puss Puss puts puts (gotta love the low-hanging fruit) its own spin on musically-themed swimwear with the PP-909 ladies' swimsuit. Knob, key, and button imagery...

Sunday, January 13, 2013
$54.99 from Etsy »

Hand-sewn Yoda heads atop plush tan sweatshirts we will wear. Those of us who carry the Force will anyway. And with the Yoda Hoodies' slouchy front pockets, we'll even have a place to stuff it for safekeeping. Erin Maynard...

Friday, August 17, 2012
$18.99 from The Oatmeal Shop »

For those who claim to put Sriracha on everything, it's time to put your money where your mouth is. Introduce the rooster to the family jewels. Acquaint your two favorite hot cocks. Sriracha Boxer Briefs burn along backsides...

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Whenever someone compliments a girl's article of clothing, as in, "That's a nice dress," my friend Kristen always pipes up, "Is it the dress or the girl in the dress?" Touche, Kristen. Typically it is the girl in the dress....

Tuesday, January 31, 2012
$13.50 from Etsy »

Balrogs and horndogs beware! These gold-emblazoned ladies' hot shorts guard the Secret Fire and they will not avail your advances! Undies are American Apparel brand, and come in S, M & L. Check out the size guide photo prior...

Tuesday, August 9, 2011
$74 from Etsy »

Finally. A way to combine your one true love and the girl you're currently boning. This handmade, handcrafted dress will surely lead to a handjob if you're smart enough to buy one for your girl....

Monday, October 1, 2012
$29.99 from Etsy »

Had I an oven in which to grow a bun, definitely a Skeleton Baby T-Shirt would be my preferred method of announcing it to the world. I wonder if wearing it would deter the nosy old hens who feel up preggo women's bellies...

Saturday, January 12, 2013
$44 from Nylon Journal »

NYC Subway Map Tights address two male quandaries. 1) Being lost on the streets of New York and not wanting to ask for directions. 2) Coming up with something non-douchebaggy to say after getting caught staring at a smokin'...

Monday, September 17, 2012

It's what's on the inside that counts. Particularly when the inside is maybe even hotter than the outside. Black Milk Clothing follows up their freakishly alluring Anatomical Leggings with this similarly traffic-stopping Anatomical...

Tuesday, October 23, 2012
$320 - $960 from A Suit That Fits »

Load your lining. British tailor A Suit That Fits makes custom suits for clients that now include the option of uploading a photo or image to be printed on the jacket's lining. Though this probably won't look very remarkable...

Tuesday, February 12, 2013
$24 - $39 from Voy Voy »

This yuppy East Coast trend baffles me. But VoyVoy built-in pocket square T-shirts constitute one I could support without feeling like a pretentious tool. Because unlike numerous layered Polos with their collars up, pocket...

Wednesday, August 8, 2012
$104.42 from Black Milk Clothing »

Out of this world? How about out of this Whoniverse? Black Milk Clothing's James Lillis ups the ante once again with the Who Dress, a TARDIS homage that would probably make the eyes and jaw of the Eleventh Doctor himself go...

Thursday, July 12, 2012
Sold Out from Etsy »

Pow! Kaboom! SHAZAAAM! It's Marvel superheroes defending boobs from evil sag and boring flesh-colored polyester. If you liked the Glow-in-the-Dark Batman Underwear Set, take a quick eyeball stroll through Megan Elizabeth's...

Friday, September 16, 2011
$20.95 from 604 Republic »

Bert and Ernie, long suspected of being gay (or bi at least) make their first appearance as zombies... as depicted on this t-shirt, and still fail to quell rumors of their questionable heterosexuality. That's why the duck...

Sunday, September 2, 2012
$29.99 from Vat 19 »

Will you please hold my beer while I check my phone for the precise margin by which I am dominating my fantasy football league? Yeah, I'm talking to my sweatshirt. My mom said it never hurts to be polite. The Beer Pouch Sweatshirt...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011
$689 from SPFX Masks »

These masks look like they come straight out of James Cameron's head. Super realistic masks will even fool your wife! Personally, I'd buy this with a chainsaw and a flip video camera and try and scare the shit out of my friend...

Friday, May 25, 2012
$29.95 from FX Shop »

Whether you're an Archer fan, or just want to stick it to the Coat & Tie Establishment, the FX cartoon's official Archer Suit Long Sleeve T-Shirt is the perfect accompaniment to schmoozy spring cocktail parties, your Bridezilla...

Friday, August 26, 2011
Sold Out from Etsy »

Do you want to be the coolest person at the party and have everyone love you? I've got you covered dude. Seriously though, how can the guy/girl wearing the gigantic Beaker head not be awesome? Clothes really can make the man...

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas...no, wait. I come from a generation of spoiled, entitled, self-righteous narcissists. I can do better than that. I want three hippopotamuses. And I want them to have pearly white, spiraling...

Sunday, September 4, 2011

James Lillis designed black swimsuit with anatomical skeleton print. IT's a little too see-through for me. I wish it would've stopped at the epidermis. But the bones leave a little to the imagination I guess. Matching Leggings....

Wednesday, February 6, 2013
$27.99 - $29.99 from Skreened »

It was between the "Calm down bro. It's P.E. not the Olympics" shirt and the "I try not to laugh at my own jokes but we all know I'm hilarious" shirt. I went with the first one because I figure the second really only applies...

Monday, August 29, 2011
Sold Out from Amazon »

If you insist on slowly killing yourself, I think it's only reasonable that you do it with warm hands and smelly mittens. The economy of design is pretty clever though, and I'll admit, there were a few drunken nights in NYC...

Thursday, July 4, 2013
$17.95 from Amazon »

Nothing says, "Happy Birthday, USA!" like a form-fitting pair of stars 'n' stripes shorts and an American boxing the shit out of a Russian in his own country. These officially licensed Balboa shorts hit--powerfully jab, really--the...

Thursday, May 10, 2012
$23.52 from Red Bubble »

If the Game of Thrones beer labels and T-shirts are here, the Game of Thrones brews themselves can't be far off. Obviously House Lannister will be a golden ale, House Targaryen a Belgian white, and the Night's Watch a hearty...

Saturday, March 23, 2013
$100 from Beta Brand »

I'm fine with unbuttoning my pants pursuant to acts of gluttony. Way more fine than I am with wearing elastic-waisted jeans, anyway. Dad. But this alternative, this pair of expandable pants designed with human garbage disposals...

Thursday, September 29, 2011
$24.54 from Red Bubble »

The formerly headless Eddard Stark (spolier alert... oops) returns as a Westeros weatherman and he has some bad news. Winter... is coming. If you're in Winterfell, take the necessary precautions. Oh, also, dragons, wights...

Thursday, July 4, 2013
$25.99 from Skreened »

Happy harsh dose of 4th of July reality! Aw come on, it's not so bad that Uncle Sam sees America celebrating its independence by launching bottle rockets out of beer bottles and butt cracks. We fought hard for this freedom...

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Pop Chart Lab asserts that The Giant Omnibus of Superpowers T-shirt constitutes the most extensive charting of superpowers in the universe. Easy enough to say within the safe confines of Earth, but I have to wonder if they'd...

Sunday, September 29, 2013
$182 from Amazon »

To my friend Cornelius, who failed to grow up to be an astronaut, awww, better luck next life dude. Cheer up, though. Thanks to the marvels of modern consumerism and mass production, you can have an authentic-looking MA-1...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Imagine if you will the genius of one William Murray playing Han Solo instead of that old hangdog expression you're used to from Harrison Ford. Maybe Star Wars could have finally become the comedy it aspired to be. Maybe they...

Monday, May 6, 2013

Woodpecker Laboratories is kind of like a cool, former-hippie uncle that gives great advice and provides invaluable tools for maneuvering oneself through life. First they came out with this friendly reminder decal that affixes...

Friday, March 1, 2013
$69 from Etsy »

The Bat Hoodie is what Batman's suit would look like if it were made of 100% cotton and sported a zip front for quick and easy entry. It's what Dark Knights wear when they want to fight evil in comfort and not smell like the...

Friday, June 21, 2013
$98 from Voy Voy »

Voy Voy's first shirt venture, conducted through Kickstarter, is of the T persuasion, and has the interesting flourish of a built-in pocket square that can either hold a wallet or phone, or invert to a peacockish display of...

Friday, September 28, 2012
$24.95 from Lazer Shirts »

DIY trippiness. The Lazer Shirt allows wearers--and people wearers are comfortable having up in their business--to use a laser point to create complex artistic masterpieces or, more likely, squiggly lines and curves across...

Monday, September 19, 2011
$19.95 from Snorg Tees »

Are you in the habit of paying your debts? Have you slayed kings? A penchant for whoring? Like to sleep with your sister? Nodding? Then this is the perfect t-shirt for you. A perfect combination of rap and fantasy for the...

Saturday, August 27, 2011
$17.95 from Amazon »

You're ready to run with the bulls? I've been earning and burning, snapping necks and cashing checks. Brennan, here's the thing. It's the Catalina fucking Wine Mixer, okay? It's the biggest helicopter-leasing event in the...

Sunday, February 26, 2012
$29.99 from Skreened »

Breaking Bad fans, your 2012 Election T-shirts are hot off the silk screener. No further explanation needed. Everyone else: yeah, yeah, so Heisenberg and Pinkman make meth. If you believe the conspiracy theorists, the CIA...