Clothing

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The Little Mermaid Ariel Bikini

$49 from Amazon »

If any lady wearing this Ariel bikini wants to be part of our world, I think I speak for most dudes when I say, Come on in! The seashell swim top and sexily-scaled mermaid bottoms are instantly recognizable as nods to...

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Mewgaroo Pet Pocket Hoodie

$62 - $147.64 from Amazon »

Although Mewgaroo maker UniHabitat's website is plagued with the most jacked up English translation of Japanese I've ever seen from Google, I don't think this lack of a single coherent sentence describing the Mewgaroo...

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Watermelon Swimsuit

$43 from Batoko »

Oh goodness! I seem to have walked right into a watermelon! It feels so wet and squishy and...gooooood. The fruit of the summer becomes the suit of the summer with Batoko's jaunty watermelon one-piece. No word on whether...

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AyeGear 13-Pocket Hoodie

$99 from Amazon »

A hoodie with 13 internal pockets that won't add discomfort or make you look like Pillsbury's new Hipster Doughboy when you fill them? AyeGear's H13 should be welcome news for tech and gear heads who can't leave home...

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I Am Chewie Hoodie

$60 from We Love Fine »

Holy crap, Rheurrrrrr Glglglglg Rararararara, and Hubba, hubba! It's the furriest, frilliest Chewbacca hoodie yet, modeled by the furriest, hottest Wookiee fan yet. I Am Chewie certainly isn't the first attempt to bring...

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Casual Strains Cannabis Strain T-Shirts

Casual Strain's line of T-shirts aren't made of hemp and they don't contain built-in smoking apparatuses. And thanks be to God Bob, Willie, Woody, and Snoop Dogg for that. What they do contribute to the world are some...

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Star Wars Schematics Hawaiian Shirt

$43.31 - $47.95 from Amazon »

As entities, Hawaii and Star Wars seem pretty discordant to me. Beach with palm trees and umbrella drinks meets outer space and black-plastic-composite-clad Darth Vader? Compatibility: <5%. But take a Hawaiian shirt...

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The Ridge Slim Front Pocket Wallets

$45 - $105 from The Ridge »

Don't let overstuffed, bulging bi-folds infiltrate your pockets! Fight the Costanza Effect! Get on the Ridge! The Ridge slim front pocket wallets highlight 2 EDC must-haves, simplicity and compactness, across a line of...

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Litographs - Entire Books on T-Shirts

$34 from Litographs »

Litographs guarantees they will sell you the best book you've ever worn. Each of their T-shirts features an artistic interpretation of classic book titles shaped using the text of the book itself. As in the actual words--every...

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SilverAir Anti-Odor Performance Clothing

$16 - $64 from Y Athletics »

Y Athletics weaves pure silver into the fabrics of their SilverAir line of performance gear to form an ionic shield against odor. They say the result is not only effective, but designed to fight odor naturally throughout...

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SOS Boxer Briefs with Condom Pocket

Nothing tells your date, I was pretty sure I'd get lucky tonight, like a sexy pair of boxer briefs. With a built-in condom pocket. Hidden with great metaphor behind a lifesaver stitched to the right thigh. Ah, the only...

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Flashback Photobomber Hoodie

$205.20 from Beta Brand »

If you ride the flip side of taking hourly (quarter hourly? every 5-minute-ly?) selfies to Tweet and post on Instagram, and tend instead to wear you hood up and cap low, shielding your face when them camera comes out...

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vapRwear Smokable Hoodies

$99 from VapRwear »

Elvis "Papi" Edwards created the line of vapRwear smokable hoodies. Papi Edwards. Caribbean native. Colorado resident. Incredibly enterprising stoner. His vapRwear hoodies all have hookah-like drawstrings at their necks...

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The Quarter Century 25-Year-Guarantee Pants

$85 from Kickstarter »

Quarter Century pants are just like every other pair of pants you own, except you'll still be wearing Quarter Centuries long after every other pair of pants you own has been relegated to: weekends only; the back of the...

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The Space Jacket

$265.50 from Beta Brand »

Seems like this Space Jacket might be better suited for the 1960s when going to space was, like, a big deal. But I guess Elon Musk has made things interesting again with his sports car-style rockets so maybe there's still...

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Vagisoft Clothing

$68 - $108 from Beta Brand »

I know nothing is supposed to connote comfort like a mama's womb, but when Betabrand describes it as "Vagisoft"...ummm...I think of wearing a vagina. Which could be soft. Ish. I guess. If the lady's into grooming. But...

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Suitsy Business Suit Onesie

$264.60 from Beta Brand »

Dress Pants Sweatpants are OK for the average day at the office, but what if you have an important meeting with the Japanese investors? Or a big interview? Or your great aunt's funeral? When formality is required, but...

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Single Sentence Film Summary T-Shirts

$28 from Fab »

You might think cinematic masterpieces such as Rocky, Star Wars, Back to the Future, and The Karate Kid are too densely packed with plot and profundity to encapsulate in just one sentence, but Mike Joyce's Stereotype...

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Ugly Christmas Swimsuit

I have one thing to say to all of you who live in Southern California and Miami and Australia. You who will be sweating balls this Christmas instead of freezing your ass off making them out of snow: jerks. The only things...

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Street Fighter Ugly Christmas Sweater

The embodiment of ugly Christmas sweater awesome right down to the KO, KO, KOs running along its upper border. It's Ken v. Ryu...and a snowflake...in this Street Fighter spin on the most heinous of yarn creations (100%...

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Santa Jumpsuit

[Insert Sit on Santa's Lap Joke Here.]...

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Dakine BC Utility Vest

Sold Out from Amazon »

I was recently at a bar for happy hour and it was jam packed with 1) Amazon employees and 2) Amazon employees' backpacks. I felt like I was at Adult Latch Key. They got let out of work but their mamas couldn't pick them...

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Alien Nativity Ugly Christmas Sweater

$79.99 from Middle of Beyond »

Check out the jazz hands on the Alien Baby Jesus. Dropped fresh from the Virgin Mothership, he's not so much here to save us as he is to perform a lively and festive dance number alongside the Little Green Herald Angels....

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Reindeer Hangover Ugly Christmas Sweater

$29.99 from Amazon »

Listen. The only reason I'm showing you a barfing reindeer ugly Christmas sweater on November 6th is that when I waited for another month to show it to you last year it sold out before I had the opportunity. So just swap...

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TDU Rapid Assault Shirt

$56.48 - $90.57 from Amazon »

5.11's TDU shirt gets Rapid Assault designation because the company says it's the ultimate upper wear for tactical use and battle. A fast-drying, lightweight poly/cotton/spandex knit comprises the body's fabric to wick...

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Ladies' Superhero Rompers

$34.99 from ThinkGeek »

These caped superhero rompers for ladies look like pajamas, comfy Halloween costumes, and instant pants snake charmers all rolled into one. Another trifecta the onesies manage to nail:...

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OppoSuits

$99.95 - $109.95 from Amazon »

Why settle for becoming a walking eyesore from just the waist up? Sweaters now have some competition for the World's Tackiest title, courtesy of tailored male fashion. OppoSuits are...did you figure it out?...the opposite...

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Flame Smart Heated Base Layer

$135 from indiegogo »

In cities with bitter winters, it seems like it's always one extreme or the other: not enough clothing and you're colder than a well digger's asshole; or too many layers and you're walking around in -2 degrees sweating...

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Top Gun Onesie

$229 from OnePiece »

Take my breath away is right. This Top Gun jumpsuit does it in the comfort of 100% French terry cotton too. So soft, according to maker OnePiece, I won't even know it's there. And really, how long will it be there once...

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Pixel Panties

$27.50 from Pixel Panties »

When I saw these Pixel Panties I felt like I walked into a Super Mario Bros. mushroom. Drrring Drrring DRRRRRRING! From little Mario to big Mario in 1 second flat. In addition, the 8-bit underwear's Portuguese designers...

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Sushi Socks

$5.39 - $28.99 from Otakumode »

They're sushi socks going on anyway. Probably more like kusaya socks coming off. Mmmm, take a whiff of that, Cornelius. All the wasabi and pickled ginger in the world isn't going to cover up the scent of me and my fuchsia...

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Lightning Bolt Button-Up Shirt

$660 from SSENSE »

The first thing I noticed is that the guy modeling this lightning bolt button-up from Neil Barrett looks like a Ken doll, and I was disappointed because the shirt might be the closest we'll ever get to a work-appropriate...

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JoeyBra Pocketed Bra

Sold Out from Amazon »

If you or a lady you know is not fortunate enough to have cleavage sized for stashing cash, phones, and plastic, I recommend a boob job. Or, I suppose, a JoeyBra. JoeyBras are designed to provide hands-free storage of...

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Mr. Gugu & Miss Go Underwear

Naturally those responsible for the World's Tackiest Sweaters would also have a hand in underwear with launching rockets, Statue of David family jewels, octopus-skull hybrids, and What Does the Fox Say? on it. But unlike...

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Acoustically Transparent Hoodie

$142.20 from Beta Brand »

Audio engineer Nic Pope designed a hoodie for in the studio, on stage, at festivals, and while walking down the street in oversized headphones. He's calling it the Audio Engineer's Hoodie. Pope provides a rundown of special...

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Jaws Skirt

$45.99 from Etsy »

Did anyone who left the theater after seeing Jaws for the first time not exit with a newly-acquired fear of sharks, and a newly-acquired need of a new pair of pants? I'm pretty sure Spielberg's decision to make a movie...

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Princess Leia Slave Tank Top

Sold Out from Amazon »

Get in the spirit of summer festivals and San Diego Comic-Con without spending a fortune. Or dropping trou. Here the iconic Princess Leia slave costume gets a more modest tank top treatment. Flesh-colored torso, bikini-clad...

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Wonder Woman Bikini

$39.95 from Amazon »

Hello, warrior princess of the Amazons. And that's putting it mildly. Were Wonder Woman to constrict me in the grips of her Lasso of Truth I might have some lengthier, more, uh...carnally colorful...things to say about...

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Han Solo-Chewbacca Reversible Hoodie

$108.99 from Amazon »

Life has been very difficult for some since the Mark Ecko reversible Chewbacca hoodie sold out. It was pretty much the Star Wars garment to end all Star Wars garments. But I like this new alternative alright too. Maybe...

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Captain America Winter Soldier Jacket

$179 - $229 from Film Jackets »

While the Captain America Winter Soldier leather jacket doesn't exactly have the same presence as the Captain America motorcycle suit, in a way it's a much more practical investment because A) it's way cheaper, and B)...

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SeV Sterling Store-Everything Jacket

$175 from Amazon »

The Scottevest SeV Sterling jacket has 24 interior pockets. 24! That means it can hold my wallet (condoms), water bottle (lube), iPad (In Diana Jones and the Temple Poon DVD), sunglasses (vibrator), Bluetooth headset...

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Intelliskin PostureCue Clothing

$80 - $130 from Amazon »

If your spine is headed toward Quasimodo-dom, but you don't want to shell out international shipping--or up to twice the base price in cash--for an Up Shirt, Intelliskin's line of shirts, tanks, tees, and sports bras...

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Darth Vader Bathrobe

$49.99 from Amazon »

I decided to spotlight the Darth Vader bathrobe because this morning I got an email from someone named Anastasia Kryzinski entitled, "What Does Your Love Python Need?" I thought it was the best email I ever received...

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Diamond Armor - $3.2 Million Bulletproof Suit

$3.2 million from SuitArt »

At $3.2 million, Swiss fashion house SuitArt's Diamond Armor has nabbed the title of Most Expensive Suit in the World. The current title. I will obliterate it next month when I debut my Diamond & Adamantium Armor for...

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The Game of Thrones Collection

$40 - $110 from Black Milk Clothing »

The start of Season 4 may still be a few weeks away, but Black Milk's Game of Thrones clothing collection drops in mere hours. Houses Stark, Lannister, Targaryen, and Baratheon represent in an array of nakedness shields...

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Mass Effect N7 Leather Jacket

Sold Out from BioWare »

You can now have Commander Shepard's N7 leather jacket in 100% Italian lambskin, modeled after the European racing style, and manufactured for BioWare by the same company that makes leather coats for Ferrari. That is...

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Tauntaun Hoodie

$59.99 - $64.99 from Amazon »

Defining characteristics of Hoth's tauntauns include a 4-pack of nostrils and a foul body odor. So. Who wants to wear a tauntaun zip-up hoodie? Stamped on the inside by a tauntaun intestines lining? On the upshot, I hear...

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Harley Quinn Hoodie

Discontinued

Gee boss, you really know how to put the fun in funeral. DC Universe supervillain Harley Quinn serves as the inspiration for another Geeky U reimagination of the hoodie. (Previous take: Link from The Legend of Zelda.)...