Clothing

Tauntaun Hoodie

$59.99 - $64.99 from Amazon »

Defining characteristics of Hoth's tauntauns include a 4-pack of nostrils and a foul body odor. So. Who wants to wear a tauntaun zip-up hoodie? Stamped on the inside by a tauntaun intestines lining? On the upshot, I hear...

Marvel Comics Bra

Sold Out from Etsy »

Pow! Kaboom! SHAZAAAM! It's Marvel superheroes defending boobs from evil sag and boring flesh-colored polyester. If you liked the Glow-in-the-Dark Batman Underwear Set, take a quick eyeball stroll through Megan Elizabeth's...

AT-AT Dress

Whenever someone compliments a girl's article of clothing, as in, "That's a nice dress," my friend Kristen always pipes up, "Is it the dress or the girl in the dress?" Touche, Kristen. Typically it is the girl in the...

R2D2 Tank Top

$22.95 - $27.95 from Amazon »

If you can't afford to be a stormtrooper in latex, how about an R2D2 in body-hugging cotton blend? This tunic-length tank top is very classy stuff, ladies. Very classy. I say that not only as a man who would be honored...

Ghostbusters Venkman Jacket

$69.99 - $72.99 from Amazon »

It's not quite as cool as toting a real Proton pack, and infinitely less cool than being the real Peter Venkman, but this Ghostbusters printed Venkman jacket is still better than a tan Russell Athletic zip-up from Target...

NYC Subway Tights

$44 from Nylon Journal »

NYC Subway Map Tights address two male quandaries. 1) Being lost on the streets of New York and not wanting to ask for directions. 2) Coming up with something non-douchebaggy to say after getting caught staring at a smokin'...

Anatomical Swimsuit

It's what's on the inside that counts. Particularly when the inside is maybe even hotter than the outside. Black Milk Clothing follows up their freakishly alluring Anatomical Leggings with this similarly traffic-stopping...

Beaker Muppet Halloween Costume

Sold Out from Etsy »

Do you want to be the coolest person at the party and have everyone love you? I've got you covered dude. Seriously though, how can the guy/girl wearing the gigantic Beaker head not be awesome? Clothes really can make...

Ultra Realistic Silicone Zombie Mask

$689 from SPFX Masks »

These masks look like they come straight out of James Cameron's head. Super realistic masks will even fool your wife! Personally, I'd buy this with a chainsaw and a flip video camera and try and scare the shit out of...

3 Hippopoticorn Moon T-Shirt

Discontinued

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas...no, wait. I come from a generation of spoiled, entitled, self-righteous narcissists. I can do better than that. I want three hippopotamuses. And I want them to have pearly white...

Personalized Suit Lining

$320 - $960 from A Suit That Fits »

Load your lining. British tailor A Suit That Fits makes custom suits for clients that now include the option of uploading a photo or image to be printed on the jacket's lining. Though this probably won't look very remarkable...

Zombie Bert & Ernie T-Shirt

$20.95 from 604 Republic »

Bert and Ernie, long suspected of being gay (or bi at least) make their first appearance as zombies... as depicted on this t-shirt, and still fail to quell rumors of their questionable heterosexuality. That's why the...

Archer Suit Long Sleeve Shirt

$29.95 from FX Shop »

Whether you're an Archer fan, or just want to stick it to the Coat & Tie Establishment, the FX cartoon's official Archer Suit Long Sleeve T-Shirt is the perfect accompaniment to schmoozy spring cocktail parties, your...

Dr. Who Dress

$104.42 from Black Milk Clothing »

Out of this world? How about out of this Whoniverse? Black Milk Clothing's James Lillis ups the ante once again with the Who Dress, a TARDIS homage that would probably make the eyes and jaw of the Eleventh Doctor himself...

Beer Pouch Sweatshirt

$29.99 from Vat 19 »

Will you please hold my beer while I check my phone for the precise margin by which I am dominating my fantasy football league? Yeah, I'm talking to my sweatshirt. My mom said it never hurts to be polite. The Beer Pouch...

Catzilla Sweatshirt

Sold Out from Amazon »

The Catzilla sweatshirt's manufacturer got me all hyped naming their bitchin' piece of runway domination the "Catzilla sweatshirt," but then pulled a Ben Stiller movie and stunk it up on the garment's description: "Sweatshirt...

Black Skeleton Swimsuit

James Lillis designed black swimsuit with anatomical skeleton print. IT's a little too see-through for me. I wish it would've stopped at the epidermis. But the bones leave a little to the imagination I guess. Matching...

Squid Flame Hoodie

$39 from Topatoco »

Brandon Bird created this Squid Flame hoodie, a clever piece of gear for all the fans of fantastical sea beasts and marine biologists out there. It is unclear, though, if Bird or someone on online retailer Topatoco's...

Built-in Pocket Square T-Shirt

$24 - $39 from Voy Voy »

This yuppy East Coast trend baffles me. But VoyVoy built-in pocket square T-shirts constitute one I could support without feeling like a pretentious tool. Because unlike numerous layered Polos with their collars up, pocket...

Smoking Mittens

Sold Out from Amazon »

If you insist on slowly killing yourself, I think it's only reasonable that you do it with warm hands and smelly mittens. The economy of design is pretty clever though, and I'll admit, there were a few drunken nights...

Game of Thrones Beer Label Shirts

$23.52 from Red Bubble »

If the Game of Thrones beer labels and T-shirts are here, the Game of Thrones brews themselves can't be far off. Obviously House Lannister will be a golden ale, House Targaryen a Belgian white, and the Night's Watch a...

Rocky Balboa American Flag Boxing Shorts

$17.95 from Amazon »

Nothing says, "Happy Birthday, USA!" like a form-fitting pair of stars 'n' stripes shorts and an American boxing the shit out of a Russian in his own country. These officially licensed Balboa shorts hit--powerfully jab...

P.E. Is Not the Olympics Shirts

$27.99 - $29.99 from Skreened »

It was between the "Calm down bro. It's P.E. not the Olympics" shirt and the "I try not to laugh at my own jokes but we all know I'm hilarious" shirt. I went with the first one because I figure the second really only...

Winterfell Weather Forecast

$24.54 from Red Bubble »

The formerly headless Eddard Stark (spolier alert... oops) returns as a Westeros weatherman and he has some bad news. Winter... is coming. If you're in Winterfell, take the necessary precautions. Oh, also, dragons, wights...

Bill Solo T Shirt

Imagine if you will the genius of one William Murray playing Han Solo instead of that old hangdog expression you're used to from Harrison Ford. Maybe Star Wars could have finally become the comedy it aspired to be. Maybe...

Gluttony Pants

$100 from Beta Brand »

I'm fine with unbuttoning my pants pursuant to acts of gluttony. Way more fine than I am with wearing elastic-waisted jeans, anyway. Dad. But this alternative, this pair of expandable pants designed with human garbage...

The Giant Omnibus of Superpowers T-Shirt

Pop Chart Lab asserts that The Giant Omnibus of Superpowers T-shirt constitutes the most extensive charting of superpowers in the universe. Easy enough to say within the safe confines of Earth, but I have to wonder if...

Sloth Mask From The Goonies

$39.99 from Amazon »

Baby Ruth? Hey you guuuuuyyyysss!!!!!! Mama, you've been bad. Oh, Slothy. I may have been bad. I may have kept you chained up in that room but it was for your own good....

I Watch You T-Shirt

$25.99 from Skreened »

Happy harsh dose of 4th of July reality! Aw come on, it's not so bad that Uncle Sam sees America celebrating its independence by launching bottle rockets out of beer bottles and butt cracks. We fought hard for this freedom...

Apollo MA-1 Flight Jacket

$182 from Amazon »

To my friend Cornelius, who failed to grow up to be an astronaut, awww, better luck next life dude. Cheer up, though. Thanks to the marvels of modern consumerism and mass production, you can have an authentic-looking...

Cheat Feet Socks

Discontinued

Woodpecker Laboratories is kind of like a cool, former-hippie uncle that gives great advice and provides invaluable tools for maneuvering oneself through life. First they came out with this friendly reminder decal that...

Catalina Wine Mixer T-shirt

$17.95 from Amazon »

You're ready to run with the bulls? I've been earning and burning, snapping necks and cashing checks. Brennan, here's the thing. It's the Catalina fucking Wine Mixer, okay? It's the biggest helicopter-leasing event in...

Bat Hoodie

$69 from Etsy »

The Bat Hoodie is what Batman's suit would look like if it were made of 100% cotton and sported a zip front for quick and easy entry. It's what Dark Knights wear when they want to fight evil in comfort and not smell like...

Damn It Feels Good To Be A Lannister

$19.95 from Snorg Tees »

Are you in the habit of paying your debts? Have you slayed kings? A penchant for whoring? Like to sleep with your sister? Nodding? Then this is the perfect t-shirt for you. A perfect combination of rap and fantasy for...

Lazer Shirt

$24.95 from Lazer Shirts »

DIY trippiness. The Lazer Shirt allows wearers--and people wearers are comfortable having up in their business--to use a laser point to create complex artistic masterpieces or, more likely, squiggly lines and curves across...

Breaking Bad - Heisenberg Pinkman 2012

$29.99 from Skreened »

Breaking Bad fans, your 2012 Election T-shirts are hot off the silk screener. No further explanation needed. Everyone else: yeah, yeah, so Heisenberg and Pinkman make meth. If you believe the conspiracy theorists, the...

The Pizza Shirt

$39.99 from Pizza Shirt »

In the spirit of the World's Tackiest Sweaters, but with short sleeves, cheese, and pepperoni*. Somehow the Pizza Shirt falls both into the categories of Insults to the Concept of Clothing and Must-Have Additions to My...

Lava Burn Ward T-Shirt

$19.95 from 604 Republic »

This guy looks like someone, I just can't put my finger on it. But... with 1-up juice pumping through his veins, this mustachioed character will be out of the lava burn ward and back to collecting coins and breaking bricks...

The Joker Mini Dress

Discontinued

The Dark Knight's Joker, in macrocosm, and on a mini dress. Well, Heath Ledger, I guess there are worse ways to be immortalized than splayed across the chest and torso of a tiny Asian girl. The 100% cotton dress is silk...

Microsuede CleanSquare Oxford

$98 from Voy Voy »

Voy Voy's first shirt venture, conducted through Kickstarter, is of the T persuasion, and has the interesting flourish of a built-in pocket square that can either hold a wallet or phone, or invert to a peacockish display...

Pac Man Ghost Poncho

$6.99 from Perpetual Kid »

A red one for Red Sox fans, a blue one for Yankees fans, and everyone stays dry when a downpour--or shit storm--hits Fenway Park this summer. Pac-Man Ghost Ponchos keep their donners dry and mud-free, whilst using their...

Due For Delivery Date Maternity Shirts

Discontinued

Cute. Now everyone will stop asking. Available in pink or blue ink so you won't have to field that one anymore either. Say, how filling in all that white space with the rest of the questions you're tired of answering?...

Uncle Sam Swimsuit

Uncle Sam has always had kind of a negative connotation to me. Until now. I guess he just needed the right context. Strategic placement on a nice Polyester/nylon/Lycra medium....

Bloody Chainsaw Dress

Discontinued

If you'll excuse me I'm just going to reach into my pocket...and fire up my bloody chainsaw! Yeah, it's made of a fine cotton blend. So? From Ewok/Chewbacca combo costumes, to Psycho Suzy Homemaker, Etsy seamstress Crissy...

Etch A Sketch Skirt

Discontinued

Turning iconic pieces of technology into clothing is something that has never occurred to me. Neither is wearing a skirt, but that all changed as soon as I came across this beauty. If you're in love with this... checkout...

MonsterHoodies: Shark Bite

Discontinued

Did you know that sharks have anywhere from two to three rows of working teeth with 20 to 30 teeth in each row? And did you know that these teeth fall out and move forward in a conveyor-belt like fashion in the shark’s...

Charlie Brown Cashmere Sweater

$995 from Mr Porter »

Who'd have thought Charlie Brown had such expensive tastes? Particularly when Lucy continuously grass stains up his shirts with her football shenanigans. But for all you Charlie Brown high rollers out there who want to...

Nickelodeon Double Dare T-Shirt

$16.95 from MyPartyShirt.com »

You know, Marc Summers, I think I'll take the physical challenge. Wait, as long as it's not Messy Basket Balloons. I am not comfortable with balls flying at my head and then unleashing liquid explosions upon impact. Being...

Pacman Ghost Halloween Costume

Discontinued

A Halloween costume is very important if you're a female. Nothing defines your personality more than your costume choice. It's your one chance to be slutty without being labeled a slut. Or in this case, you can show allow...