Clothing

Vollebak 100 Year Sweatpants

$495 from Vollebak »

100 years. Yep. That's about how long I feel like I've been wearing nothing but sweatpants. And not only does Vollebak feel the need to remind me of that, they also feel the need to create the 100 Year Sweatpants, a single...

Heat Holders Slipper Socks

$17.99 - $22.99 from Amazon »

Heat Holders are hands down...feet down...the warmest socks I've ever worn. Sometimes they're even too warm and I break out in the feet sweats. I wish they had a photo of what the inside looks like because from the outside...

Popeyes Beignet Camo Hoodie

$35 from Popeyes »

Watch out Desert, Digital, and Woodland, Popeyes is bringing Beignet Camo to the world of military fatigues. OK, maybe more like the world of fashion fatigues. OK, fine. The world of slouchy slacker hoodies. The Popeyes...

Charmeuse Kimono Robe

$110 from Amazon »

I love everything about these watercolor-effect charmeuse Kimono Robes as a wrapped up purdy gift for my wife, except the word charmeuse. Shar-moose, is that how you say it? That is ugly, and my mouth does not like the...

Stove Top Stuffing Dinner Jacket

$30 from Stove Top »

What is a Stove Top Stuffing Dinner Jacket made of? An interior lining of minced chicken, soaked and crisped bread crumbs, and savory caramelized onions. The outside, in a surprise appearance, and an affront to people...

Reindeer on the Spit Ugly Christmas Sweater

$21.07 from Amazon »

Wonder what happened to create this ugly Christmas sweater. Is Santa spit roasting a reindeer because his sleigh crashed a week ago and no one has responded to his SOS calls, or because he's just hungry and Mrs. Claus...

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Mankini

$14.99 from Amazon »

Rudolph Mankini, reporting for sleigh-driving, eye-popping, nut-hugging duty! Christmas suit meets birthday suit in this jolly, Borat-approved (and sexy-time-ready!) men's thong. Ownership of the Rudolph Mankini means...

Alpha Industries Apollo MA-1 Flight Jacket

$200 from Amazon »

One good way to let everyone know you were a NASA Apollo program astronaut is to wear an Alpha Industries Apollo MA-1 Flight Jacket. And if you weren't a NASA Apollo program astronaut? Well. Look at all the dudes who...

SafeTee - T-Shirt with Built-In Face Mask

$25 - $35 from SafeTee »

The SafeTee is a T-Shirt with a built-in face mask that uses the comfort of a 100-year mainstay to help escort men, women, and especially kiddos heading to school into our New Normal...

Modernist x Gravity Weighted Robe

$130 from Gravity »

The outlook for my WFH winter just got a whole lot heavier. This Weighted Robe, a collaboration between Modernist and Gravity, brings the anxiety-easing, stress-relieving, deep touch pressure stimulation of the weighted...

Pizza Pocket Hoodie

$44.95 from Amazon »

The Pizza Pocket Hoodie is a sweatshirt with a piece o' pie chest pouch designed to hold actual slices of pizza. In other words, whooo needs a gift for a stoner?...

Quikflip 2-in-1 Reversible Backpack Hoodie

$54.95 from Amazon »

The Quikflip reversible backpack hoodie evolution began, according to creator Rener Gracie, because "As a third generation jiu-jitsu master and a lifelong athlete, I became increasingly frustrated with the lack of ways...

Screenshot Men's Hip Hop Track Pants

$22.99 - $26.99 from Amazon »

I don't like every pattern and color combo of Screenshot's Men's Hip Hop Track Pants, but I do like some of them, and I especially like the idea of a bunch of dudes wearing all 30-odd styles of them in a room together...

D*ckhead Shirt

$19.99 - $21.99 from Amazon »

Is there any way to sneak a D*ckhead Shirt onto someone's body without them noticing? Yeah, but what if they're not a deep sleeper or blacked out drunk? What if they're, say, a wide-awake, and surprisingly spry, 68-year-old...

Bigfoot Hoodies & Shirts

$31.99 - $59.99 from AlohaZing »

No Bigfoot were harmed...or spotted...in the making of this line of all-over printed Bigfoot hoodies and shirts. The 3D appearance of the hairy, nippley fashion is also an optical illusion - Aloha Zing says the sustainable...

Burton Mine77 Weatherley Board Shorts

$69.77 from Burton »

Burton's essence might be frigid temps, high elevations, and snowboards, but that doesn't mean the outdoor brand doesn't like them a hot summer day at sea level, and splashing around in the perfect board shorts every...

Corgi Butt Leggings

$54.07 from Etsy »

Why you gotta taunt me, Corgi Butt Leggings? Like I don't want to pet, pat, and smack my wife's ass often enough as it is. Especially now that we're sheltering up in place, so it's within about 50' of me 24/7. Adding...

Like a Good Neighbor Social Distancing T-Shirt

$15.95 from Amazon »

Like a good neighbor, stay over there. You can get it as a social distancing T-shirt. A social distancing coffee mug. A social distancing doormat. And that's not all, because it's official: the COVID-19 merch is here!...

Your Girl Hugging Your Crotch Boxer Briefs

$18.99 from Amazon »

Not much to add to these boxer briefs. Oh, except for a picture of your girl - girlfriend, wife, crush, black-hearted ex Karen - strategically placed at the crotchal region so as to look like she's hugging your cock...

Fireproof, Waterproof, Windproof 100 Year Hoodie

$495 from Vollebak »

Version 3 of Vollebak's 100 Year Hoodie is like the Anti-Captain Planet of outerwear. It repels wind, rain, snow, and now, fire. Earth is still missing though. Maybe they'll build version 4 to emit a force field against...

Mohair Pants

$184.80 - $375.38 from Etsy »

Need some mo' hair down there? Feel all warm 'n' fuzzy on the inside and the out with SuperTanya's hand-knit mohair pants. The mohair knitwear is funky-chic on the eyes and either: a) soft as a pussywillow; or b) itchy...

Softies Ultra Soft Snuggle Lounger

Sold Out from Amazon »

Is it the Softies Snuggle Lounger that makes me want to cuddle up and bury my hands and face in that seat of buttery velvet, or is it the girl in the Softies Snuggle Lounger? It's both, dudes. It is absolutely both. And...

UFO Raincoat

$4.19 - $14.97 from Amazon »

Bow down to the grandma rockin' the UFO Raincoat. What an honor it must be to have been selected to model this hot piece of haute couture. And the designer of the inclement-weather-thwarting flying saucer! Please tell...

Men's Half Thong (NSFW)

$2.99 from Amazon »

Never mind all the male bush and taint action going on in these Men's Half Thong photos, what I really want to know is: how the half thong does a dude wear a half thong? How does it stay on? Is there an adhesive involved?...