Clothing

CUEME App-Controlled Vibrating Massage Bra

$39 from Amazon »

The CUEME Massage Bra is a smart supporter of boobies whose companion app allows wearers - or wearers' designated representatives - to control 4 vibration massage modes over "8 major massage pressure points" on the female...

Lace Up Jeans

$49.99 from Fashion Nova »

As much as I want to sit back and enjoy these hot ass Wild Thang Lace Up Jeans from Fashion Nova, I cannot keep my mind from bending at funny angles every time I look at them*. Is this an optical illusion? What happened...

3D Unicorn Underwear

$45 from Etsy »

I bet if Juvenile saw these 3D Unicorn Underwear from Knicker Rocker he would think twice before telling the ladies to back that azz up. The panties are quite the statement piece, combining dreamy, fantastical unicorns...

Savage AF T-Shirt

$18.99 from Etsy »

Do the kids who say "Savage AF" even know who Fred Savage is? Better question: do the adults who know who Fred Savage is also know why it's funny to see little Kevin Arnold's face on a T-shirt that says, "Savage AF ...

ORORO Soft Shell Heated Jacket

$154.99 from Amazon »

Of their soft shell heated jacket ORORO says, "This is not your grandma's heated blanket." Phew, that's a relief. Because my mama has already made me some pillows out of my grandma's old blankets, and while they're nice...

Sixer Insulated PBR Cooler Jacket

$250 from 686 »

Normally I would think something called a Sixer Insulated Jacket would insulate me from the cold. But when outdoor apparel brand 686 teamed up with Pabst Blue Ribbon, PBR had something else in mind. This special edition...

Leopard Leggings

$92 from Vie Active »

As long as you're in a pair of leopard leggings, ladies, it's OK to let the claws come out at hot yoga. Random chick stole the spot you've been putting your mat every class for the past 6 months? Dude next to you smells...

Lemon Sox - Scented Socks in a Can

$11.97 from Lemon Sox »

On the outside, Lemon Sox look like a can of tuna fish or cat food, but crack them open, and instead of fish and congealed vomit you'll see a pair of colorful, patterend men's socks. Even better, instead of fish and congealed...

Polar Seal On-Demand Heated Clothing

$179 - $199 from Polar Seal »

Baby it's...beyond cold outside. Polar Seal is a forthcoming line of heated tops whose built-in warming elements are designed to heat you to a level of comfort (or at least negative temp bearability) in just 10 seconds...

Sexy Chest Christmas Sweatshirt

$59.95 from Amazon »

Hairy Christmas, dudes! Wear this Sexy Chest Christmas Sweatshirt to your holiday party and watch Mrs. Claus become Mrs. Can't Keep Her Claus Off You. You'll not only put all the other Ugly Christmas Sweaters to shame...

Columbia Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back Coats

$400 from Columbia »

Leia: I'm freezing. Han: I know. The Star Wars saga infiltrates Columbia Sportswear - or, more likely, Columbia Sportswear infiltrates the Star Wars saga - again this year, with a limited-edition series of The Empire...

California Cowboy Aloha & Apres Ski Apparel

$38 - $148 from California Cowboy »

Cowboy out of respect, California to the core. California Cowboy makes clothing that urges you to "Put your phone away and start a conversation." Their High Water and High Sierra aloha and apres ski shirts even have a...

Frosty the Eunuch Ugly Christmas Sweater

$65 from Amazon »

Ugly Christmas Sweater season is here. The days, they have shortened. The temperatures, they have dropped. And the Tipsy Elves, they have knitted. The tacky, silly, funny, and dirty entries in their 2017 sweater line...

The Dude Abides Ugly Christmas Sweater

$39.95 from Amazon »

While I appreciate the idea of this Dude Abides Ugly Christmas Sweater, I think it missed its chance of truly abiding by not making the background a Persian rug motif. Bowling balls and pins are nice and Lebowski affiliated...

Method Raincoat Sweatshirt

$99 - $109 from MINIM Gear »

What's the Method? Add 1 part sweatshirt, 1 part raincoat, and 3 parts 21st century textile hocus pocus to a pot, and simmer until soft, cozy, and hydrophobic. MINIM Gear is crowdfunding their Method pullovers and zip-ups...

Stone Island Ice Knit Thermo-Sensitive Sweaters

$1,518 - $2,136 from Stone Island »

When I first saw Stone Island's Ice Knit thermo-sensitive sweaters I was like, Hey, those Hypercolor sweaters are cool. And then I saw their price and I was like, Oh, that must be in Mexican pesos. But no! Prices are...

Lalabu Dad Shirt

$75 from Amazon »

The Lalabu Dad Shirt is a different kind of Dadbag. One that some men will consider just as big of a joke, but that others, such dudes with infants who find themselves piling on as much gear as they once did for a weeklong...

Vollebak Solar Charged Jacket

$350 from Vollebak »

Vollebak's Solar Charged Jacket does for Slimer Green what the clothing startup's Baker Miller Naptime Hoodie did for Unicorn Pink: it takes a crazy cut from Roy G Biv, and gives it a highly functional application. Naptime's...

Waterproof Socks

$35 from Amazon »

Showers Pass made these waterproof socks to keep athletes' and other F the rain weather warriors' feet dry when they run, hike, and bike in anything from light drizzles to torrential downpours...

Spartan Radiation-Blocking Underwear

$45 from Spartan »

Spartan Underwear heard the refrain every time some newfangled food or drug or piece of tech came out too: "Twenty years from now they'll probably find out it kills you." Or, in the case of the radiation given off by...

ScorpionExo Covert Kevlar Flannel Shirt

$129.95 - $140.21 from Amazon »

Kevlar flannel. It's why Kurt Cobain didn't die in a motorcycle crash. Nah. I don't know if Cobain even rode a bike. But if he did, ScorpionExo's Covert Flannel could have helped save his hide if he went down. The shirt...

Conor McGregor F*ck You Pinstripe Suit

$6,500 from David August »

I don't know how long the rest of the world will remember the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather fight after it's over, but anyone who drops $6,500 on a David August Fuck You pinstripe suit like the one McGregor wore...

Saint Unbreakable Motorcycle Jeans

$175 - $360 from Saint »

When Saint calls their motorcycle jeans "unbreakable," they mean it without jest or hyperbole. And they're willing to put their body weight, their belt grinder, their X-acto knife, and their brute force where their mouth...

aRks 3D Printed Bikinis

aRks 3D has prototyped a series of 3D printed bikinis they call Coral. And I know what all the dudes out there are thinking: that's some Coral I'd sure like to come across in the ocean. In stark contrast what's running...