Frosty the Nose Thief Sweater
Oh I see what Frosty did there. He stole that other snowman's nose. And put it on his crotch. So now he has a carrot schnoz and a carrot ding dong. I bet the other snowman is actually a snowlady. Yeah, now it all makes sense. This is Frosty taking his one chance to procreate, to leave a legacy before he melts away.
I don't know if Frosty the Nose Thief qualifies more as an ugly Christmas sweater for the season's forthcoming parties, or more as a lesson to us all that, sometimes, if we want something out of life, we just gotta take it. And turn it into a wiener.
Apparently the seasonal sweater has been featured in People magazine, on ABC's Wipeout!, and on NBC's The TODAY Show. I hope Al Roker wore it. Al or Kathie Lee. Because Frosty is committed to offending all genders equally, and comes in unisex sizes XS through XXL.