110

Frosty the Nose Thief Sweater

By: on November 12, 2013
$64.95
Check It Out

Oh I see what Frosty did there. He stole that other snowman's nose. And put it on his crotch. So now he has a carrot schnoz and a carrot ding dong. I bet the other snowman is actually a snowlady. Yeah, now it all makes sense. This is Frosty taking his one chance to procreate, to leave a legacy before he melts away.

I don't know if Frosty the Nose Thief qualifies more as an ugly Christmas sweater for the season's forthcoming parties, or more as a lesson to us all that, sometimes, if we want something out of life, we just gotta take it. And turn it into a wiener.

Apparently the seasonal sweater has been featured in People magazine, on ABC's Wipeout!, and on NBC's The TODAY Show. I hope Al Roker wore it. Al or Kathie Lee. Because Frosty is committed to offending all genders equally, and comes in unisex sizes XS through XXL.

Buy Now

The Illuminator - Instant Light Projector

$39.99 - $49.99 from Amazon »

Thousands of decorative lights from the palm of my hand to the branches of my trees, or spans of my walls in minutes. Minutes. Without the hassle of knotted wires. Without the danger of ladders. Without the frustration...

Buy Now

LED Snow Flurry Projection Light

$71.97 from Amazon »

Oh the trouble Clark Griswold could have saved himself if only he'd gone on Christmas vacation in the 2010s. Nowadays one little green box fitted with one pint-sized disco ball connected to one tiny projector are all...

Check it out

Street Fighter Ugly Christmas Sweater

The embodiment of ugly Christmas sweater awesome right down to the KO, KO, KOs running along its upper border. It's Ken v. Ryu...and a snowflake...in this Street Fighter spin on the most heinous of yarn creations (100%...

Check it out

Hairy Chest Sweater

$61.34 from Firebox.com »

What sucks is that you're either blessed with a dense thatch of chest hair or you're not. There's no cultivating it, no sprinkling of fertilizer that will encourage it to grow. The only legitimate option for those bereft...

Check it out

Holiday Gift Guide: $30 or Less

Happy Black Hole Friday! Yes, that's right. Take a deep breath. Pull out the credit card. And brace yourself as all of your year's hard-earned wages are sucked into the soulless abyss of Target/Wal-Mart/Best Buy dark...

Buy Now

Animated Ugly Christmas Sweaters

$54.95 - $64.95 from Amazon »

I see your ugly Shhh!-ing Santa Christmas sweater, and raise you an ugly Shhh!-ing Santa Christmas sweater with animated eyes bouncing lecherously to and fro as if he were watching a naked lady elf tossing relay and entreating...

Check it out

Bill & Ted Ugly Christmas Sweater

$84.99 from Middle of Beyond »

It's the holidays. Be excellent to each other, dudes. I'm using the Bill & Ted Ugly Christmas Sweater to serve as my own helpful reminder...and also to slay all contests when I party on at the 3 Ugly Christmas Sweater...

Check it out

Tactical Holiday Stocking

$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

If you thought your tactical novelties would have to be shelved now that Tactical BBQ Apron-wearing season is over, ThinkGeek is happy to inform you that, au contraire, you can still have a Holly MOLLE Christmas with...

Check it out

World's Tackiest Sweaters

Flagrant foul. No words can describe these hideously tacky sweaters. Well, that's not quite true. These words can describe them: Skittles; cheeseburger; condoms; french fries; gummy worms; popcorn; palm trees; wafts of...

Buy Now

Star Shower Laser Christmas Lights

$56 from Amazon »

You can Sparkle Magic the oak tree in your front yard. You can make a Snow Flurry down your exterior siding. Or you can unleash a Star Shower across your entire property. All of these laser-projected holiday lights produce...

Check it out

Holiday Gift Guide: Christmas Cheer

Deck the halls with boughs of holly and deck my right hand with a few drams of single barrel Scotch from the Whisky Advent Calendar. Yeah, like I'll be able to spread that pot of peaty liquid gold over 24 whole days...

Buy Now

Star Wars Ugly Christmas Sweaters

$29.99 - $64.95 from Amazon »

If Star Wars is on the Ugly Christmas Sweater scene now, I think we need to remove the "Ugly" modifier from the term. How about Star Wars Galactically Awesome Christmas Sweaters instead? Particularly the one spotlighting...