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Decorated Nerd T-Shirt

By: on March 17, 2013
$18.95
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The most highly decorated members of the Nerd Herd sport 10 official, cartoonish-looking, 2D medals representing the pinnacle of their march through contemporary society. A society rife with retro-Nintendo enthusiasm, Star Wars worship, comic book infatuation, and undying LEGO love. Fancy yourself a loyalist to their cause? Then grab thyself a Decorated Nerd T-Shirt and support the fight to defy yuppification and eradicate social aptitude, pushing on 'til Geekdom come.

SplitReason's Decorated Nerd T-Shirt is made of 100% cotton so, the company says, it "doesn't feel like cardboard". The back side glows in the dark because...uh...why the hell wouldn't it glow in the dark? Nerds spit in the face of subtlety. Speaking of which, last night I saw this guy in a pink-and-yellow spandex suit accidentally (but maybe on purpose) spit on this redheaded chick and in retaliation she poured an entire bottle of Miller Lite on his head and got him kicked out of the bar. Did you know that in, like, 100 years redheads are going to be extinct from the planet due to natural trends in human genetics? Personally, I have never met a redhead who wasn't as crazy as Old Yeller right before young Travis shot him dead, so I say good riddance.

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Nerds with Vaginas Underwear

$15 from Etsy »

Did you get drunk and pee your pants last night? Did you throw your panties on stage during the New Year's Eve Super Diamond Neil Diamond cover band show? Did you sneak out of the bed you woke up in at 5:00 a.m. and leave...

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Mousou Exposed Butt T-Shirt

I just...I can't...I...what the butt, Japan?! The Mousou Exposed Butt T-Shirt baffles me on so many levels. First, why is the butt positioned so that it's exploding out of the wearer's chest Alien-style? Why is it on...

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Up - The Don't Slouch T-Shirt

$175 from Up Couture »

Up T-shirts award "dream posture" to both men and women with an integrated, flexible, extra-thin film woven into their fabrics at trigger points (shoulders, upper back) shown to encourage long spines, open chests, and...

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Adult Achievement Stickers

$8.95 from Amazon »

Children receive stickers for achievements such as pooping in the pot, getting straight A's, and coming in last (but participating!) Why shouldn't adults get some comparable adhesive words of affirmation when they done...

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Single Sentence Film Summary T-Shirts

$28 from Fab »

You might think cinematic masterpieces such as Rocky, Star Wars, Back to the Future, and The Karate Kid are too densely packed with plot and profundity to encapsulate in just one sentence, but Mike Joyce's Stereotype...

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Yay Cleavage T-Shirt

$21 from Raygun »

I tried to crop out the part of the Yay Cleavage T-Shirt photo that shows the boobily blessed lady wearing it is pregnant, but I think you can still kind of tell. Sorry. I guess the V-neck may technically be intended...

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Dragon Ball T-Shirts & Rashguards

$35 - $45 from Justsaiyan »

Lookin' for Dragon Balls? Look the part with Justsaiyan's DBZ T-shirts and SkinZ. The fitted tees and water-ready rashguards are covered from neckline to waistline in pure, unbridled, anime-tastic DBZ art. Go hero or...

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Giant Cardboard Robot Arms Kit

Discontinued

When I transform into a paper-product-based Optimus Prime, I like to take on a more active role in the process than lifting my giant cardboard robot arms out of a giant cardboard box. So thanks be to Chuck Norris that...

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Holiday Gift Guide: The Geek Edition

All geeks are special. Some because we're being polite and using euphemisms. Others because they are good-natured and endearing and fixed our hard drive and unlocked our iPhone. No matter what kind of special your geek...

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Light-up Arcade Belt Buckles

$42 - $125 from Etsy »

All the sweet one-liners about paying to play, just a quarter for some action, and getting the high score you're thinking of right now? Get your mind above...well, not above the belt exactly. But above the area below...

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Devon Star Wars Watch

$28,500 from Devon »

You like Star Wars. But how much do you like Star Wars? Like, put a dollar amount on it. Go ahead, take a second and do it....

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Ninja Flip T-Shirt

$16.99 - $20.99 from Amazon »

Carrying around this secret identity won't create an awkward bulge at your waistline, or require you to wear an underlayer of skin-suctioning red and blue Spandex. Crazy Dog T-Shirts' flipover Ninja tee has the masked...