I decided to spotlight the Darth Vader bathrobe because this morning I got an email from someone named Anastasia Kryzinski entitled, "What Does Your Love Python Need?" I thought it was the best email I ever received, and I had so, so many answers prepared for Anastasia. But when I clicked the message open I found it was all about erectile dysfunction pills! Can you believe that? I don't even know if Anastasia is a real person. I'd like to think she is though. I'd like to think that someone hacked her email account...after she wrote her subject and addressed it to me...to infill that malarkey about Viagra. Which anyone who's read the story of my penis knows I do not need. (Except maybe if the girl has braces or excessive body hair, but that's a psychological, not a physiological thing.)
What this has to do with the Darth Vader bathrobe is that I was wearing the Darth Vader bathrobe when I received my Love Python email. It made me want to unleash the power of the Dark Side on all email spammers. But it was also so cozy in all its terry cloth, oversized-hood-and-sleeves grandeur that ultimately I decided instead of waging an attack I'd just go back to bed.
Like the Jedi bathrobe we previously showed you, Darth Vader's officially-licensed piece of wraparound loungewear is made of 100% cotton and features an embroidered Galactic Empire emblem at its breast. It hangs 47" long from shoulder to bottom hem.