What makes a duffel bag a beast? Bigness. Ruggedness. Resilience. What makes a duffel bag The Beast? According to Saddleback Leather, all of the above, plus a 100-year warranty (yes, that's one hundred), a mere 3 seams binding 4 slabs of full-grain leather (no top grain or bonded hides here), pigskin lining, and room to transport large African bongo drums. I didn't even make that last bit up. Also, I don't think it's a joke. If The Beast says its interior volume is spacious enough to accommodate the rhythmic emblem of Africa, I bet The Beast is F'ing serious.
Even if I didn't want this piece of luggage from the start, on account of its being ginormous and manly and called The Beast and all, I would definitely want it after reading Saddleback Leather's answers to common Beast questions, including self and spousal justification for spending $900+ on a duffel bag, and a detailed personality analysis to help you determine which color Beast to buy (e.g., Carbon Black for the Phlegmatic or Choleric folks, characteristics of whom include driving a Volvo or Saab, digging Sci-Fi, having an acute interest in Oriental culture, and preferring cats to dogs).
The Beast weighs 12.3 pounds and measures 34" wide x 14" tall x 14-3/4" deep.
World, thy best prepare thyself to hear my thunderous roar. And the roar of the monstrous duffel I'll use to carry my Nintendo 3DS, Neon Genesis Evangelion humidifier, lumbar support pillow, and allergy meds when I go to Florida to visit my grandma.
Many thanks to Andrew G. for Dude Product Tipping us off to Saddleback Leather.