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Team USA Motorcycle Mask

By: on July 27, 2012
$450
from
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The Patriot Mask is one of my favorite masks that I have created. Oh. I guess I should put quotes around or italicize that statement since it was said by the person who isn't me who actually created it. Leather artist El Vaquero Muerto hand made this motorcycle riding mask of shit-stirring, ass-kicking American pride and solidarity, and the only lackluster hand I had in the endeavor was to decide it is a fitting representation of today. For today is a day heralding the commencement of the London 2012 Olympics. A day during which we as Americans will gather 'round our 52-inch flat screens to take in a feast of lights and drums, heckle other nations' opening ceremony wardrobes and drool over their synchronized swimmers, and watch as Team USA enjoys great camaraderie with their athletes. Whom we will later pummel in competition and launch face-first back to their native soils.

OK, that Bolt guy might take a few track events.

But we gotta head into these two weeks with a Nike-slogan mentality, constantly reminding ourselves that no matter what the statistics say about China, USA is still #1. After all, being the best is what the red, white, and blue stands for isn't it?

I think El Vaquero Muerto agrees. He points out that Old Glory is an emblem of values, and his mask mirrors that emblem. Its tattered look then reminds us that our values--life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness--must be won through diligent effort and 49.82 times on the 100m Butterfly. Also, its aesthetics (not to mention the woman modeling it) scream badass.

All Patriot Motorcycle Masks have leather lining and padding in the nose and cheeks for comfort. They have brass inserts in the nose and chin for custom molding to the wearer's face. Attachment is via elastic and Velcro straps that secure behind the head so that masks sit uncloyingly on the cheekbones, and air moves easily in through the sides and bottom.

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Sick in the Head: The 10 Coolest Motorcycle Helmets

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The TRON Light Cycle

Discontinued

Yeah, it costs more than twice the country's 2011 median income, but two little words make it worth every penny: Street. Legal. If you can convince the bank, or your mom, to spot you the cash, a living, breathing replica...

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Baby Head Masks

$450 - $500 from Hyperflesh »

People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier...

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The fear factor of these scary Halloween masks lies somewhere between disturbing and spine-chilling. Between nightmares for the night and nightmares for the month. Between Ugh, what is that? and CAN. NOT. UN. SEE. I'm...

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ScorpionExo Covert Kevlar Flannel Shirt

$129.95 - $140.21 from Amazon »

Kevlar flannel. It's why Kurt Cobain didn't die in a motorcycle crash. Nah. I don't know if Cobain even rode a bike. But if he did, ScorpionExo's Covert Flannel could have helped save his hide if he went down. The shirt...

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Uno Bolt E-Unicycle

$999 - $1,099 from Uno Bolt »

Uno, dos, tres...Bolt! You won't go 0 to 60 in 3.5 seconds - or ever - on the Uno Bolt, but you will have the privilege of scooting away lickety split from the lady who caught you helping yourself to her plum tree (hey...

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Motoped Survival Bike

$2,499 - $3,149 from Motoped »

Universal mounting rack. Three gallons of fuel. In critical times, Motoped's Survival Bike puts escape in the hands of your feet. The military-inspired superhauler has a back rack assembly primed for multiple bolt-on...

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RYNO One Wheel Motorcycle

$5,295 from RYNO Motors »

Ever wanted to pop a perpetual wheelie? Well get ready, 'cause RYNO Motors is in production and set for the 2012 US release of two tiers of its self-balancing, single-wheeled, shit-stirring beast of a motorcycle. OK...

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Saint Unbreakable Motorcycle Jeans

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When Saint calls their motorcycle jeans "unbreakable," they mean it without jest or hyperbole. And they're willing to put their body weight, their belt grinder, their X-acto knife, and their brute force where their mouth...

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Gunbus 410 - World's Biggest Motorcycle

A Texas-sized hog made in southwest Germany. Leonhardt Manufacturing's Gunbus 410 owns the current title of World's Biggest (Running) Motorcycle. That means you can really own and operate the steel-and-aluminum behemoth...

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NUVIZ HUD for Motorcycle Helmets

$499 from NUVIZ »

If you're not lucky enough to be selected by Skully to beta test their HUD motorcycle helmet, you might consider joining the line to own the NUVIZ take on motorcycle Head-Up Display. The NUVIZ Ride:HUD, a joint venture...

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The Dark Knight Rises Motorcycle Suit

$1,545 from UD Replicas »

Answer: As a souped-up sick UD Replicas Motorcycle Suit. Question: What is one more way in which the Dark Knight rises? Designed especially for the latest Batman trilogy's epic conclusion, the Dark Knight Rises Motorcycle...