Senz Stormproof Smart Umbrella
Oh I'll buy a Senz stormproof smart umbrella alright. I'll also take one of those red-lipped brunettes in a cocktail dress to valiantly shield from torrential downpours and winds of up to 50 mph with it.
Puh, look at that doofus in the photo making her hold the umbrella for him. What an ungentlemanly bastard. He couldn't even shave that sandpaper stubble off his face so he doesn't leave lacerations all over hers when they make out later. And do you think she's going to enjoy running her fingers through the crusty Dep Gel-ed curls in his hair? Miss, if you would like to upgrade from that schmo to me, I can assure you I will be manning the umbrella as we weather the storm, my hair will be clean, conditioned, and free-flowing, and when your lips touch my face, they will find it softer than the Baby Jesus' left butt cheek.
Part of Senz's Smart Line, this stick umbrella faces wind, rain, and the general BS of Mother Nature virtually unperturbed. Its aerodynamic shape slices through meteorological obstacles in the front, and rebuffs in them in the back, preventing the dreaded and highly embarrassing inversion experience. A rubber coated handle has an ergonomic design, and the umbrella's lightweight frame of fiberglass, aluminum, and treated steel keeps it strong for battle.