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Peanut Butter & Jelly Wallet

By: on March 08, 2012
  • Peanut Butter & Jelly Wallet
  • Peanut Butter & Jelly Wallet
  • Kid Holding Peanut Butter & Jelly Wallet
  • Peanut Butter & Jelly Wallet
  • Peanut Butter & Jelly Wallet
$27.80
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This nifty Peanut Butter & Jelly Wallet with photo-real fabric looks so authentic petty thieves and street urchins will never suspect it's housing your cash and credit cards. On the flip side, beware of fat kids. Each sandwich half contains a zippered pouch that opens at its Wonder Bread crust, and a magnetic closure that adheres the PB schmear to the J coating. Unlatch the magnets to reveal a buff and blazing purple panorama of faux fat and sugar that will go straight to your ass only when nestled in your back pocket. Pouch measures 4.5" x 5".

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Grilled Cheese Toaster

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But...but...where does all the drippy cheese from a grilled cheese made vertically in a grilled cheese toaster go? I love this as a lazy man's means of making a hot sandwich, but if it leads to pools of burnt cheddar...

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Dango Dapper & Tactical Wallets

$69 - $89 from Dango Products »

Dango Wallets come in 2 styles. D01 is their Dapper, a clean, precision-engineered cash and card carrier. It's made of microfiber-lined leather that's secured and compartmentalized with a CNC machined 6061 aluminum chassis...

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The Fusion Wallet

$82 - $99 from The Fusion Wallet »

Twenty-five-year-old Thomas Johnson fabricates his cool, modern industrial Fusion Wallet from 12 separate CNC-machined aluminum and hardwood components. Gee. I'm almost a decade older than Johnson and I can hardly fabricate...

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Flaming Fire Wallet Magic Trick

$10.99 from Amazon »

Nevermind the girl, this wallet's on fi-re! / This wallet's on fi-re-erer-erer. / Looks like a bi-fold, but it's in flames / Ashed my cash, melted all my cards / Guess you'll have to pay....

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Handbag Dyetonator Bag & Purse Thief Marker

Malaysian company Ash Be Nimble launched the Handbag Dyetonator, an accessory that permanently marks thieves with dye and releases a smoke flare upon activation, because bag and purse theft is apparently a huge problem...

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Dash Quickdraw Wallet

$13 - $19 from Dash Wallets »

Credit card receptacles have gotten awfully fancy--from electronic signatures to electronic signatures with your fingertip to electronic signatures with your fingertip on an iPhone with a craaazy! credit card swiper bug...

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Indestructible Biometric Wallet

Discontinued

Like the women who fall prey to your Don Juan wiles, the Biometric Wallet opens up to your touch, and your touch alone. It is an equally high-tech and high-fashion financial bodyguard that is virtually indestructible...

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Trezor the Bitcoin Safe - Hardware Bitcoin Wallet

$99.99 - $129.95 from Amazon »

Bitcoin. It's nice work if you can get it. And if you get it...best keep that golden cryptocurrency safe from computer viruses and malware. Keyloggers and hackers. Your snooping friend Cornelius. Trezor, a hardware bitcoin...

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Alaska Salmon Leather Wallets

$47 - $79 from Tidal Vision »

Think the tanned leather of Alaska Salmon Wallets retains that delightful, "oceanic" scent of where it came from? Oh boy, I hope so. No one will ever sit next to me on the bus, or get up in my personal space at a show...

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Wallet TrackR

$29 from Wallet TrackR »

Just wait 'til the next dirty thief who tries to jack my wallet finds out I've got the Wallet TrackR. And a Sap Cap. And an extensive history of kicking people in the shins. About the size of a credit card and connected...

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Pelican Sport Wallet

$16.74 from Amazon »

Ladies, the Pelican Sport Wallet makes the perfect gift for the man who climbs rocks, paddles rivers, and bikes backroads. The man you like to get adventurous with. Or the man you like to send off to get adventurous on...

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Tetris Sandwich Cutter

Sold Out from Amazon »

What can I say about the Tetris sandwich cutter except that it cuts sandwiches into shapes based on the all-time best of all games of all time? UNO can barely crawl out of its little paper carton in the presence of Tetris...