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Machine Gun Stockings

By: on May 11, 2012
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Ladies, when it's Saturday night, and you can't decide whether you're on the prowl for the suave James Bonds a garter holster and peek-a-boo pistol would attract, or the BSC Tony Montana-type lured more by a fully automatic submachine gun strap-on, it's best to play it safe and wear them both. The Cultlabel's Machine Gun Stockings arm legs with a duo of firearm likenesses that put the ta-hight in tights. Hosiery is sheer to give the illusion of tattooed weaponry, or da Vinci caliber Sharpie proficiency. According to the listing, Machine Gun Stockings are a "free size", which probably means one size fits all Europeans, and approximately 20% of Americans.

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Anatomical Leggings

Been scouring the racks for pants that display your ass as the true anatomical masterpiece it is? Black Milk Clothing's skin-tight anatomical leggings won't just enhance the curves of your posterior, they'll show off...

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Flayed Flesh Garters

Sold Out from Etsy »

Take peek-a-boo garters to the next level: peek-a-boo blood vessels and layers of muscle tissue, courtesy of open-wound prostheses and stocking accoutrements from Etsy's Meaghan O'Keefe. A pair of unpainted latex prostheses...

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Echo1 M134 Airsoft Machine Gun

$3,899.99 from Airsplat »

390 FPS, 21-1/2" long barrel, 13-1/2" short barrel, 1,700-round magazine capacity...I don't think I'd even shoot my friend Cornelius in the ass with one of these things to try to get on Tosh.0. The Echo1 M134 MiniGun...

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Middle Earth Map Leggings

$11.99 from Amazon »

Control Middle-earth--and likely all male Elves, Wizards, Orcs, Dragons, Dwarves, Ents, and Hobbits--for under $100. You don't even have to enter into battle or acquire Rings of Power. Leave it to Black Milk Clothing...

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Skirt Length Sluttiness Stockings

Discontinued

While these may not be the definitive measurement for exactly how a lady is feeling, they're certainly guaranteed to provoke some interesting conversation. From "demure" to "dangerous" the Leg's Talk stockings provide...

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The Game of Thrones Collection

$40 - $110 from Black Milk Clothing »

The start of Season 4 may still be a few weeks away, but Black Milk's Game of Thrones clothing collection drops in mere hours. Houses Stark, Lannister, Targaryen, and Baratheon represent in an array of nakedness shields...

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Mass Effect Clothing

$78 - $92 from Black Milk Clothing »

I know many of you are thinking it, so I'm just gonna put it on paper: the mass effect of Black Milk's Mass Effect body-hugging clothing collection is to effectively give every male fan of the video game series a massive...

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9mm Vodka

Who wants to be on the receiving end of a shot from a 9mm submachine gun? What if the shot came in a glass and made you feel weak-in-the-knees gooooood instead of weak-in-the-knees punctured in a vital organ? 9mm Vodka...

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Glass Machine Gun Pipes

If you're looking for a hitman, sorry, this collection of machine guns is made of glass. But if you're looking for a hit, man welcome to the bong-themed weapons trade. Or would it be the weapons-themed bong trade? Either...

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DIY Paper Submachine Gun

$41.89 from Firebox.com »

The cool thing about this DIY submachine gun is that while there is a 98% chance it will paper cut up your hands during assembly, there is a 0% chance it will blow your head off or inadvertently light up your mama's brand...

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Tetris Leggings

Discontinued

And you thought her legs couldn't get any more hypnotizing. Wearing a pair of Tetris leggings basically means slinking around in a second skin of polyester, retro-chic Nintendo graphics, and errant flecks of drool from...

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Marvel Rainbow Bridge Fleece Jumpsuit

I'd say it takes at least as much power to wear the Rainbow Bridge as it does to fight Loki at Heimdall's Observatory and break it. And by "power" I mean long, killer legs and an ass like the shiny, perfect Pink Lady...