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Guess Who? Fleshy Frames

By: on April 18, 2012
$258.25
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My guess is that this photo is a pretty accurate representation of what goes down when sexy ladies lacquered in F-me red fingernails catch sight of a man rockin' a porn 'stache of this caliber. 6000 AD's Jeremy Scott Flesh Hands Frames are a miracle of acetate that come with neither a prescription, nor a UV-blocking lens. They are lens-free eyeglasses. Strange on the one hand, but naturally on the other, since a creation this deliciously tacky really shouldn't have a functional use other than making a cameo in an Outkast video, and jackhammering unmitigated awe and reverence into all who share its presence.

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Flayed Flesh Garters

Sold Out from Etsy »

Take peek-a-boo garters to the next level: peek-a-boo blood vessels and layers of muscle tissue, courtesy of open-wound prostheses and stocking accoutrements from Etsy's Meaghan O'Keefe. A pair of unpainted latex prostheses...

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Images You Should Not Masturbate To

$9.95 from Amazon »

If you're wondering if its title is true, feed your curiosities with the photo of the dog that looks like George Costanza's mom in this book of Images You Should Not Masturbate To. And I thought the salt shaker was bad....

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Baby Foot Human Molting Peel

$22.63 from Amazon »

I don't know what medieval witch magic Baby Foot puts in their Exfoliant Foot Peel to produce the skin-molting effects you see before you but, even though it would make perfect sense here, I promise you it's not snake...

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The Womanizer (NSFW)

$189 from Amazon »

Ladies and their lady parts must really like this Womanizer contraption and its suction cuppy O-face of a tip because this is one sex toy I keep: 1) reading about in major publications; 2) hearing all my girlfriend's...

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GlassUp - Smartphone HUD Eyeglasses

$299 from GlassUp »

GlassUp. They're a pair of HUD smartphone-linked glasses that flash texts, emails, news updates, directions, any messages for which you would normally look down and consult a screen, right onto the glass in front of your...

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Freetoo Outdoor Gloves

$12.98 - $21.68 from Amazon »

Men, what can you do with Freetoo's outdoor gloves? An Amazon reviewer says, "I threw several heavy punches at a tree in my yard. And no it didn't feel good on my hand but it didn't damage it at all. If you punch someone...

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Objects of Desire (NSFW)

$25.30 from Amazon »

Everyone's all on about the advancements in the computer industry. The cell phone industry. The automotive industry. But what about the sex toy industry? Isn't it about time they got the props they deserve for the groundbreaking...

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Bat Levitating Mouse

Bat, a levitating wireless computer mouse, is currently in the research and testing phases for use in preventing and treating carpal tunnel syndrome, a median nerve dysfunction to which many mouse manipulators are susceptible....

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Heatbuff Keyboard Hand Warmer

$71 from Envavo »

Stuck gaming in the basement with nothing but a space heater and the warmth wafting from your CPU? Boss too cheap to tick the thermostat above 68 at the office? Hands so cold you feel like you're typing with the fingers...

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Sixth Finger Ring

Whooooo wants a FINGERring? Come on, ladies, don't be shy. If you've ever felt like something was missing from your life, here's the perfect opportunity to find out whether or not that something is a 6th finger....

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Fleshlight's Sleeve Warmer (NSFW)

$29.95 from Amazon »

Wait, so there's an alternative to just blowing in it first? This cutting-edge piece of technology from Fleshlight may look like a sex toy for your girlfriend, but it's actually a pleasure enhancement tool for you. The...

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The Moon Ring

$18.95 from Amazon »

Did I say the Scary Intruder prop was a good way to find out how hard and fast my girlfriend punches? Well. That's because I hadn't see The Moon Ring yet. I feel like this prank's tagline should be: "Give her The Moon...