Last week I showed you how you can protect your banana. So now it's time to explore how your banana can protect you.
- Bananas have a lot of potassium and a potassium deficiency is one potential cause of a charley horse and, more notably, the gripping, eye-crossing pain that accompanies it. Your banana could slay your charley horse.
- My mama used to give my grandma bananas when she was constipated. Or maybe it was when she had diarrhea. I can't remember, but I think it's safe to say that your banana will either make you crap or make you stop crapping.
- When the weather turns either offensively rainy or offensively sunny, your banana will transform from a delicious tropical fruit that pairs well with peanut butter and monkeys into an umbrella.
At least this one will. It's an Um-banana. An, um, banana umbrella. It comes in both ripened and unripened housings, the latter for strange cats like my friend Constantine who will not eat a banana with more than a couple streaks of yellow on it. All Um-banana canopies are brightly hued and function as normal water-wicking shields. And no, if you leave your Um-banana on the ground no one will slip and fall on it. However, someone will probably steal it.