Banana Umbrella

By: on March 27, 2014
  • Banana Umbrella
  • Banana Umbrella
  • Banana Umbrella
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Last week I showed you how you can protect your banana. So now it's time to explore how your banana can protect you.

  1. Bananas have a lot of potassium and a potassium deficiency is one potential cause of a charley horse and, more notably, the gripping, eye-crossing pain that accompanies it. Your banana could slay your charley horse.
  2. My mama used to give my grandma bananas when she was constipated. Or maybe it was when she had diarrhea. I can't remember, but I think it's safe to say that your banana will either make you crap or make you stop crapping.
  3. When the weather turns either offensively rainy or offensively sunny, your banana will transform from a delicious tropical fruit that pairs well with peanut butter and monkeys into an umbrella.

At least this one will. It's an Um-banana. An, um, banana umbrella. It comes in both ripened and unripened housings, the latter for strange cats like my friend Constantine who will not eat a banana with more than a couple streaks of yellow on it. All Um-banana canopies are brightly hued and function as normal water-wicking shields. And no, if you leave your Um-banana on the ground no one will slip and fall on it. However, someone will probably steal it.