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The Grypmat

$30 - $70 from Grypshon Industries »

I hate it when my tools keep sliding off the nose of the F-16 fighter jet I'm working on! Tom Burden, a mechanic in the US Air Force, developed the Grypmat because that lucky SOB actually had this problem. Maybe you do...

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Hobo Bear

$25 from Amazon »

Beggars can't be choosers, but can they be your Valentine? Awwww, Hobo Bear. I bet my girlfriend, She-Ra: Princess of Power, has many a spare hug for you. What's that? You'll take a fiver and a joint if she's got that...

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Gourmet Cedar Cooking Wraps

$10.17 from Amazon »

Flavor! Moisture! Presentation! I hadn't seen cedar cooking wraps like these before, but a Google, or even an Amazon search turns up a ton of choices and images for the nifty food scrolls. This pack includes ten, 6" x...

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Proof - Wearable Blood Alcohol Sensor

By: PROOF »

It's not so much what proof is in your pudding as it is how that proof permeates your blood. Personal breathalyzers, and even app-compatible and smartphone breathalyzers, have been around for years now. But they all share...

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Morse Code Bracelets

$26 - $56 from Etsy »

Morse Code bracelets from Tim Art Creations are stylish and thoughtful ways to say I Love You this Valentine's Day without being too schmoopy, or going broke. Go for the 3 little words themselves, or have Tim stamp on...

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Verve No-More-Canker-Sore Toothpaste

$7.99 from Amazon »

Canker sores. Ulcers in the mouth that hurt like a mother and stick around like a mother-in-law. I used to get those bastards, like, once a month before I read about Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, SLS-free toothpaste, and Verve....

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Roll-Up Dish Drying Rack

$33.99 from Amazon »

This roll-up dish drying rack is for people like me. People who endorse the air-dry method. I mean, I figure if my man parts prefer the gentle cooling effect of evaporating water over getting rubbed down and chafed up...

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The Ridge Slim Front Pocket Wallets

$45 - $105 from The Ridge »

Don't let overstuffed, bulging bi-folds infiltrate your pockets! Fight the Costanza Effect! Get on the Ridge! The Ridge slim front pocket wallets highlight 2 EDC must-haves, simplicity and compactness, across a line of...

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TASER Pulse Legal Civilian Stun Gun

$399.99 from TASER Self-Defense »

Half a pound to carry. Fifteen feet to shoot. Thirty seconds to get the H-E-Double-Barrel out of there. The TASER Pulse is a stun gun for personal protection on the go (you too, runners) and at home. Terming it a "less-lethal...

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MATRIX PowerWatch - Powered by Body Heat

$129 - $159 from MATRIX »

Three things come to mind when I see MATRIX's forthcoming PowerWatch: 1) The movie The Matrix; 2) The word "manpower," and 3) The saying, "If you want something done right, you better do it yourself." The MATRIX PowerWatch...

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20 Pounds of Japanese Wagyu Beef Filet Mignons

$3,999.99 from Amazon »

One look at these Japanese Wagyu beef filet mignons--their decadent marbling, their popped-cherry rosiness--and you're like, F you, dude! Why would you show me the most delicious meat on earth? There goes my New Year's...

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T-Rex Ferociously Strong Tape

$4.47 - $26.91 from Amazon »

Like its namesake in the world of dinosaurs, T-Rex Tape says it's the biggest, strongest, and most favorite in the world of duct tapes. And like the Cretaceous beast, T-Rex Tape also hates pushups and hand clapping, so...

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Ravanello - Mario Mushroom Radish Shaper

$11.99 from Animi Causa »

1UP! 1UP! 1UP! 1UP!1UP!1UP! As many 1UP! radish-mushrooms as your little fingers and wrists can churn out without cramping up or going arthritic, thanks to Animi Causa's new Ravanello. Did they intend for the shaper that...

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Diseases Caused by Masturbation

$9.99 from Amazon »

On the one hand, Diseases Caused by Masturbation is a translation of Dr. Samuel-Auguste Tissot's book originally written in French. So maybe the translator messed up and it's really called Diseases Caused by Exposure...

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Micromagnets

$25 - $84.35 from Zen Magnets »

I highly recommend watching the Micromagnets video on mute to get a real sense of their visual and tactile sublimity. Which is indeed attention-sucking, and probably very gratifying when you're handling the tiny rare...

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LampStore Upcycled Vintage Lamps

$25 - $135 from Amazon »

From yesteryear to Nashville to your living room. LampStore upcycles vintage objects (and icons, OG Star Wards lunchbox) into nostalgic pieces of tabletop lighting and home decor. The indie artists behind LampStore operate...

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Oscillot Cat Containment System

On first viewing of the Oscillot video you might think installing one of the spinning paddle perimeters along the top of your fence is like building a prison for your cat. Condemning him to being that inmate who gets...

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Quip Electric Toothbrush & Brushing Program

$40 - $150 from Quip »

Quip doesn't think you're incapable of healthy and safe oral hygiene practices, they just think the way you're currently doing it is all wrong. And completely jacking up your teeth and gums. They'd like to help. Teach...

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Butterfly BBQ Fork & Bottle Opener

$14.97 from Amazon »

Pretty fly for a grill fork. Man-Up-Gear gives the classic butterfly handle a chewy, meat-flipping center with this foldaway BBQ fork. It also has an integrated bottle opener at the base of its stainless steel prongs....

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MeatSweats Relaxation Pants

MeatSweats want to help you kick back, relax, and show the world how proud you are of the 32-ounce porterhouse you demolished all by yourself. Their 100% polyester construction would also be happy to wick away the dew...

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Zendure A8 26,800mAh QC Portable Charger

$64.95 from Zendure »

For the making of their 2013 Kickstarter video, and because destructive testing is always fun, Zendure founder Bryan Liu rolled over the external battery's A4 model a dozen times as it charged an iPhone 4S (ahhh, remember...

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1955 Lamborghini DL25 Tractor

$110k from Bonhams »

Hey John Deere, wanna race? Lamborghini's DL25 Tractor can go from 0 to 60 in...never...but any dude who owns one can consider himself the proud possesser of a rare collector's piece, and an icon of Ferruccio Lamborghini's...

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USB LED Clock Fan

$39.99 from Amazon »

I'm hot. It's stuffy in here. What's the temperature? Is it time to go home yet? Will someone please just tell me they love me?! The solutions and answers to all of life's problems and questions are right here, blowin'...

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Sixth Finger Ring

Whooooo wants a FINGERring? Come on, ladies, don't be shy. If you've ever felt like something was missing from your life, here's the perfect opportunity to find out whether or not that something is a 6th finger....

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Beef Jerky Flower Bouquets

Men, say it with diamonds. With chocolate truffles. With roses. Ladies, say it with beef. Jerky. In the shape of flowers for good measure. Because even though nothing will tell your man's belly how you feel more than...

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Bacon Lanyard

$8.95 from Amazon »

How is it that I haven't seen every dude in my office walking around with their ID tag hanging off a bacon lanyard yet? This strip of polyester cured pork fat will make every mouth in the meeting water, and I'd probably...

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AirWave Wireless OTA & OTT Device

$149.99 from Mohu »

Mohu first began catering to cable cutters with the Leaf, a paper-thin HD antenna that's black on one side, white on the other, and adheres close to invisibly to your wall or ceiling. In spring of 2017 they'll officially...

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Spinning F Pin

$7.99 from Ball & Chain Co. »

When indecision strikes or words fail you, let fate decide the most appropriate way to F the situation. This enamel pin secures to your lapel where it will always be within finger's reach and ready to spin-a-fuck the...

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OYOBox Mini Sunglasses Case

$135 - $195 from Amazon »

OYOBox sees your future. It's bright. So bright you gotta wear four pairs of shades. Or at least have four on hand, stored neatly in a carbon fiber sunglasses case, to swap out according to the day's clothing choices...

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Wireless Bluetooth Beanie

$27.99 from Sky Innovations »

Rock out with your cock out cranium cozy and threads stylin' in this Bluetooth audio beanie from Sky Innovations....

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The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

$11.95 from Amazon »

Even though it came out less than 20 years ago, when I look at The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook now it feels like a classic. Before the infatuation with zombies and the apocalypse and the zombie apocalypse and...

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Kuri Home Robot

$699 from Kuri »

Your kids will love that Kuri wants to be their robot play buddy. You'll love that Kuri can connect to your other smart home installations to do things like stream music and podcasts, and monitor unusual activity. You...

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TUSHY Bidet Attachment

$69 - $94 from TUSHY »

TUSHY is the friend who has your back no matter what. The one who's there time and again, cleaning up your messes and washing off the remnants of a crappy day. The one who always makes you feel good. Even after you gorge...

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EcoGear FX Tactical LED Flashlight Kit

$49.99 from Amazon »

Check out the beam of EcoGear FX's TK120 flashlight. I think they call those CREE XML high-powered LEDs "tactical" because shining the torch in the dark helps you achieve an ultimate goal of not head butting a tree or...

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Inirv React App-Controlled Stove Safety Device

$199 - $239 from Inirv »

Like a highly sophisticated smoke detector, the Inirv React sensor unit monitors the amount of smoke and gas in your kitchen, as well as monitors motion. It can combine and interpret this information to determine whether...

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RediTape - EDC Duct Tape

$6.99 from Amazon »

How many times have you reached down for a strip of duct tape to repair your busted bag / cracked water bottle / ripped bike seat / dislodged car bumper (oops), only to realize you decided not to put the 55-yard roll...

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Etch Morphing Digital Clock

$1,375 from Etch »

The Etch clock engraves every minute of your day into stone. Figuratively speaking. Really it uses the trickery of 3D digital numbers and a colored elastic membrane to give the eye-catching appearance of chiseled time....

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Escape & Evasion Gun Belt

$79 from Amazon »

From forth the shark's belly comes a belt for your own. And while the Escape & Evasion Gun Belt didn't make it out of the Tank alive its creator, former CIA officer Jason Hanson, is still hoping you'll give the strip...

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The Rocket Keychain Grinder

$29.99 from Apollo »

3-2-1...grind off! This Rocket will make some mighty fine smoke, grinding herbs between its precision-engineered teeth, heating them in its compact chamber, and funneling the gaseous matter out through its one-hitter...

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Heng Balance Magnetic Switch Lamp

Newton's Cradle meets abacus meets the first day of creation in the Heng Balance Lamps. Li Zanwen created his series of square, oval, and circular beechwood desk lamps with a pair of magnetic wooden balls on strings at...

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AIRE Digestive Tracker & Fart Predictor

$99 from FoodMarble »

You probably think FoodMarble's AIRE is redundant. You know exactly what your digestive tract turns into a room-clearing onslaught of the fartsies. Beans. Beer. Looking at a bag of Taco Bell. But do you know why these...

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The Original Danish Dough Whisk

$15.99 from Amazon »

My girlfriend showed me this Danish Dough Whisk because I spent most of yesterday bitching about winter and how I'll have nothing to do for the next 3 months but sit around and bake bread. I don't know why I said that....

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Schmitz Mittz Super Duty UtilityArmor Gloves

Sold Out from Amazon »

Schmitz Mittz calls their gloves "hard hats for your hands." These Super Duty versions of their UtilityArmor Waterproof line add abrasion-resistant Kevlar fourchettes* as reinforcement between the fingers (the standard...

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PARKIS Effortless Bicycle Lift

$254 - $317 from PARKIS »

How effortless is it to PARKIS your bicycle? Here's a GIF. Looks like sliding the front wheel onto an elevator and sending 'er to the penthouse. Glide the cab back down to dismount. PARKIS says the process is so simple...

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Knorks

$12.98 from Amazon »

Knork: it's the camping-ready Spork's urban, cutting edge cousin. Here to help you slice and pierce your filet mignon with a single hand and a simple rocking motion. Perfect for the knife-renouncing avant-garde, plus...

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Moody Pet Fling-Ama-String

$36.98 from Amazon »

Nothing beats a hearty laugh had at a cat's expense. Aw, come on. Unlike a cucumber, Moody Pet's Fling-Ama-String is great fun for the kitties too. The battery-operated toy looks a little like a strongman game, but instead...

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The Ring Pipe

$150 from Lindsey Hampton »

The Ring Pipe is like a unicorn poop poppy seed bagel that will get you high. Very nice. Very nice indeed. Lindsey Hampton hand-forms and fires each piece in stoneware and then finishes them in either a blue or pink ombre...

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Avalanche Wheeled Roof Rake for Snow Removal

$129.99 from Amazon »

The Avalanche Wheeled Roof Rake is a tool that reminds me how much I hate doing home maintenance. But since Albie down the street's mama says he's too young to crawl around on my own mama's roof to shovel the snow off...