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Tokyoflash Watches

Giveaway: Tokyoflash Watches

Enter to win your choice of any watch from Tokyoflash (up to a $199 value!) You've seen Tokyoflash's ringed LED Tron Watch, the Kisai 7, on DudeIWantThat.com. And you've seen their safety-first (with sci-fi dotted light...

Sriracha Vodka

Hello there, ma'am. Fine evening we're having, wouldn't you say? What's that in my hand you ask? Here, have a closer look....

Snow-Melting Stair Mat

$49.54 from Amazon »

What?! A snow-melting stair mat? And a baby demonstrating its use?! But the best part of accumulated Mother Nature dandruff is watching little kids wipe out trying to navigate through it! I do feel bad for old people...

Naughty Cookie Cutters

$29.49 from Firebox.com »

These are disgusting. A perversion of gingerbread men, and a perversion of the spirit of Christmas!...

Family Bug Out Bag

$969 from OuttaGEAR »

If my family were to bug out, probably the first thing we'd do is tear apart this bag of supplies in search of the Xanax and Scotch it does not contain to help calm ourselves down. Luckily, in the event that one of us...

Wipebook - Whiteboard Notebook

$14 - $28 from Wipebook »

Wipebook poses the question, "You know how creative people use whiteboards to generate cool amazing ideas?" And I ask the question, "You know how creative people with cool amazing ideas who can't draw, or even really...

Sound Activated LED Car Sticker

$13.89 from Amazon »

If you're looking for a way both to obstruct 90% of the view out of your back windshield and provide a beacon to po searching for cars to pull over, I am pleased to offer you one of AGPtek's bumpin' & grindin', sound...

3-in-1 Avocado Slicer

$9.95 from Amazon »

Who doesn't love avocados? Besides people who hate avocados? No one! And one tool all avocado lovers should have is three tools! In one! OXO's 3-in-1 avocado slicer slits, pits, slashes, and scoops fleshy green about-to-be-guacamole...

Second Skin Santa Bodysuit

Sold Out from Amazon »

If your kids are afraid of Santa the jolly bearded fat man, just dress up as Santa the faceless creeper in the second skin bodysuit and show them what real terror is. Ho, ho, ho, an ocelot ate my face! Now I spread Christmas...

Rift Recon Red Team Kit

$1,199.99 from Rift Recon »

Rift Recon terms themselves Physical Security Specialists. They explain what that is in about 500 words of fancy and circumlocutory jargon, the essence of which I'm pretty sure means they cater to high-class Shady McShadersons....

Bacons of the World Sampler

I would call Belcampo's Bacons of the World quarterly sampler pork crack, but in this case, I think it would allude to an entirely different--yet still likely very tasty--part of the pig, rather than the addictive, euphoria-inducing...

Celestron 5 MP LCD Digital Microscope

$129.99 from Amazon »

Whomever posted all their slide shots to the Celestron InfiniView Digital Microscope listing on Amazon sure liked looking at bugs. Check out that white one. What is that, a dust mite? That thing is sick, dude. But it...

Structure - 3D Sensor for Mobile Devices

$349 - $379 from Structure »

Occipital believes the future of computer vision is mobile. That means the company's forthcoming Structure Sensor for iPad has 3D depth--the camera attachment captures accurate, all-dimensional measurements and models...

Oreo Cookie Dipper

$5.58 from Amazon »

Talk about the gift that keeps on giving. From stocking to cookie, and from cookie to belly, my friend. The Dipr solves the age-old calamity of sandwich cookies lost to murky emulsions of fat and protein. Oreos doing...

Grizzly Bear Underwear

$32.79 from Firebox.com »

I know grizzly bears are meant to connote fortitude, ferocity, and...bigness...in a reverential way, but, uh, I'm pretty sure these grizzly bear underwear are intended only for dudes who don't want blowjobs. They could...

RazorPit Blade Sharpener

$18.34 from Amazon »

A Mach 3...or 9...or whatever the hell number they're on now, a pack of blades, and a RazorPit. Gifts for Dad = done. The RazorPit, which I prefer to think of as a Big Boy Bed for my razor, recruits a patented friction...

Pinky Queen Nipple Lightener (NSFW)

I understand that Pinky Queen nipple...pinkener?...is a boobie beauty tincture developed with a female customer base in mind. And I definitely think females with nipples that are splotchy, unsavorily-hued, or look like...

Lightning Reaction Reloaded - A Shocking Game

$25.86 from Amazon »

Well I hope the Reloaded version of Lightning Reaction doesn't follow in the footsteps of The Matrix and suck. Or maybe it's being cheeky and willingly emulating the trilogy's second installment--in the sense that while...

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Objects in Mirror Are Losing Decal

$1.95 - $6.99 from Amazon »

Now drive slow, honey, it's not a race. Ha! Clearly that bit of motherly wisdom is a crock, as indicated by this vehicle manufacturer-issued decal right here on my side view mirror. It is a race, Mama. And all of those...

Sky Bouncer - Bouncing Frisbee

$15.50 from Amazon »

Great. Now when I don't catch the frisbee not only is it going to hit me in the face, it's going to hit me in the face and then bounce off up to 25 feet. The Sky Bouncer flies like a disc but ricochets off walls, floors...

Puzzlebox Orbit - Brain-Controlled Helicopter

$89 from Puzzlebox »

The power of the human mind. It inspires nothing less than awe and reverence. Even the minds of idiots, which often serve either as entertainment or pleasurable, self-elevating disbelief that someone could be dumb enough...

The Can Stamp

$6.95 from Can Stamp »

Ever since the days of colonialism and the American Frontier...no...way before that. Ever since the days animals began eking out a drop more urine even when they didn't have to pee just so that they could piss on things...

Wheeled Snow Shovel

Sold Out from Amazon »

This shovel has been fitted with a gigantic wheel to make it exponentially easier to use, and it's called the Snow Wolf. So that's two things it has going for it. Also it claims that when old people whose children and...

Elf Sweater

$64.95 from Amazon »

At first I was like, This is the ugliest ugly Christmas sweater I've ever seen. It is so ugly it's not even ironic, it's just ugly. Then my (newly single!) friend Cornelius reminded me it looks like Will Ferrell as Buddy...

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Pet Jellyfish Tank

Giveaway: Pet Jellyfish Tank

Puppies and kittens for Christmas? How boring and uninspired. This year, enter to win your very own pet jellyfish gliding languorously around a desktop-sized jellyfish tank (a $366 value)!...

PS4 Retro Nintendo Skin

$29.99 from Decal Girl »

This retro Nintendo skin for the PlayStation 4 is what I'm giving to Cornelius as a Pre-Christmas and, more importantly, consolation gift since he will not be having sex with any regularity (i.e., at all) for the foreseeable...

Decimator Staff Lightsaber

Discontinued

I wish Saberforge would stop churning out new custom designs faster than I can squirrel away enough money from helping old ladies with groceries and skimming off the top of the church collection basket to buy them all....

Grow Glow Snow

$6.01 from Amazon »

Grow Glow Snow! It's not a request, it's an order, son! Get a bowl! Get some water! Watch it expand to 100 times its starting size, just like a diaper that's been pissed in*! And, if you're a real man, turn off the lights...

Sundial Ring

$25.99 from Amazon »

To use the sundial ring, hold it upright to align one of its 3 reference lines straight up. Calibrate to your time zone by using the reference line corresponding to to your latitude (i.e., northern cities use a different...

Kano - Simple DIY Computer

$129 from Kano »

Simple as LEGO, powered by Pi. The Raspberry techie kind, not the 3.14Infinity kind. Or the fruit kind for that matter, but a DIY mini computer powered by flaky-crusted dessert might be the one element to rocket launch...

Stirio - Automatic Pot Stirrer

$68 from Unikia »

Life hacking innovator Unikia adds the Stirio to its online showroom of tools that will expedite and elevate the filling of my belly. We previously saw the Compleat FoodSkin flexible lunchbox, a simple trick for keeping...

Ninja Sphere Environment Controller

$225 - $575 from NinjaBlocks »

The next generation of Ninja Blocks, a hackable tech warrior system enabling users to monitor and control their households from afar, has removed all right angles, increased its functionality, and gone balls to the wall...

Kama Pootra: 52 Mind-Blowing Ways to Poop

$8.31 from Amazon »

Both the best and the worst part about the Kama Pootra is that many of its 52 Mind-Blowing Ways to Poop turn a visit to the crapper into a group activity. I mean, on the one hand, who couldn't use a little help pinching...

Rabbit Electric Cocktail Shaker

$16.60 from Amazon »

I imagine this Rabbit electrical cocktail shaker contains the same motor as the Rabbit electric ladies' vibrator, which must mean it is strong, powerful, and effective, yet gentle and sensitive to the needs of its user....

Air 1 Christmas Stocking

$45 from 2 AM Projects »

Swoosh! The only problem with hanging a 2 AM Project Air 1 stocking for Christmas is that it's gonna dunk on Santa's ass every. time. Over his head, under his beard, around his fat jelly belly...nothin' but net. This...

Passages - The William Shatner Watch

$399 from indiegogo »

Now, is the Passages the kind of Shatner watch that can command an Enterprise, or the kind of Shatner watch that encourages you to name the price you'll pay for it, and if there are any left in stock, it's yours? Well...

Superfight! Card Game

$35 from Amazon »

Superfight! instructs us to imagine Cards Against Humanity meets Apples to Apples. For the sake of what comes next, I would add to imagine this meeting takes place in either a dark alley, an octagon, or on opposite ends...

Life-Size Animated Talking Reindeer

$5,400 from Frontgate »

The idea of Dasher, a life-size reindeer that talks and moves, is decent, but, uh...did they have to give him the voice of Ross Matthews? MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Let's hang pink and purple stockings! At least that's...

Skull Armchair

By: Harow »

Another supervillain yahtzee! This black skull armchair was the one prop missing from my master plan to raise an army of babies and eliminate all cats and bike lanes from my township! The only downside is that it does...

Humvee 40 Million Candlepower Search Light

Sold Out from Amazon »

Good news, Clark Griswolds of the world. If you don't have 7 hours to spend staple gunning 700,000 strands of lights to your house this year, you can still xenon-bomb Julia Louis-Dreyfus and her husband out of their midnight...

Van de Graaf Generator

$139.95 from Amazon »

When I was little they used to have one of these devices that makes your hair stand on end at an amazing and delightful place called The Magic House. My mama would sometimes take me there if I could go 8 days straight...

Q-Ba-Maze Marble Run

$35.96 from Amazon »

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and people who live in marble towers should watch out because...bombs away! MindWare's Q-Ba-Maze 2.0 is an interlocking system of brightly-hued cubes that tinkerers...

The Pantera Claw

$44 from Amazon »

I don't know if the Pantera Claw looks cooler than the Wolverine-esque claw we previously showed you--I should have had the forethought to consult on this topic with the bearded grandmaster modeling the latter version--but...

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Original Grain Wood Watches

Giveaway: Original Grain Wood Watches

Enter to win your choice of an Original Grain all-natural wood and stainless steel watch (up to a $195 value)!...

Meteorite & Dinosaur Bone Rings

$387 - $1,749 from Etsy »

If your special someone is really that special, you won't just give them a ring, you'll give them a ring from a bazillion years ago! A ring that symbolizes how grand, vast, and enduring your love is. A ring that proves...

Damascus Pocket Knife

$500 from Huzza »

A carbon fiber handle holsters 120 layers of Swedish rose stainless damascus steel in this folding pocket knife fit for a pretty, pretty princess, or a male with extraordinarily refined and luxurious tastes. Like myself....

Bulletproof Clipboard

Sold Out from Amazon »

Know why I need a bulletproof clipboard? The same reason I need a tactical beer mug: so that I'm prepared the 1 in 1,000,000 times I need to go Jason Bourne in protecting and defending myself, and so that I'm prepared...

Iron Man 3 Arc Reactor Coasters

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

I hope the electromagnetic fields projected by these Iron Man 3 glowing Arc Reactor coasters will keep my drinks safe this holiday season from particulates of snot and saliva ejected by fellow partygoers whose mothers...

Pocket-Sized Grappling Hook

$34.95 from CountyComm »

One more Bat Toy for my Bat Toy Box! This pocket-sized tube that adeptly screws into a grappling hook was originally produced by EDO Robotics in response to a desert warfare operator's request for a lightweight, reusable...

PetChatz - Pet Communication System

$349 from Pet Chatz »

The simulation of being at home when you're not at home. It's the new black. And from smartphone-controlled security systems to interactive pet communication systems like the Petcube and, now, PetChatz, the application...

The Bad Girls of Batman Print

$275 - $899 from Kult »

Holy Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite! Poison Ivy has just given radical new meaning to the term "thunder thighs." I don't know whether to stop drooling and try to voodoo her out of the print, into my living room, or surround...

A Christmas Story Monopoly

$31.89 - $89.95 from Amazon »

When you're finished Monopoly-izing zombies in the Walking Dead version, I triple dog dare you to get into the holiday spirit with A Christmas Story's take on the beloved board game. Who wants to have a BB gun-off for...

Circuit Scribe Conductive Rollerball Pen

Sold Out from Amazon »

A few random soundbites from Circuit Scribe, a rollerball pen filled with magical (i.e., specially developed reactive silver) ink that enables users of all ages with average or better fine motor skills to draw circuits...

Knuckle Duster Beard Comb

$31.75 - $100 from Shapeways »

Could the knuckle duster beard comb become the new pinky ring? Intimidating, yet decorative, with the added bonus of serving a pragmatic purchase? Oh boy! I hope this power play comes to pass. I'd consider the finger...

Animated Ugly Christmas Sweaters

$54.95 - $64.95 from Amazon »

I see your ugly Shhh!-ing Santa Christmas sweater, and raise you an ugly Shhh!-ing Santa Christmas sweater with animated eyes bouncing lecherously to and fro as if he were watching a naked lady elf tossing relay and entreating...

Full Metal Jacket Jeep

$106,888 from Starwood Motors »

100 hours to build this beast. Totally worth it. Their words, not mine. Not that I'm calling BS or anything. It's just that I'll never know if Starwood Motors' Full Metal Jacket Jeep is totally worth it or not because...

Shot Glass Crawler

$26 from Shapeways »

A bird in the hand is worth...nowhere near as much to me as a shot of Fireball in the hand. Birds are dirty and carry avian flu and salmonella. Even some of the cooked ones. Ahem, chicken. But hands. Hands are the poster...

The Zombie Shooting Guide

$17.52 from Amazon »

If we were to step into reality for a brief moment, I guess we would concur that the opportunity to apply combat marksmanship and self-defense training to an encounter with an actual zombie is probably never going to...

Homemade Twinkie Maker

$18.92 from Amazon »

Now that Twinkies have returned to market, a homemade Twinkie maker might not classify as the same magnitude of necessity that it did for about 8 months there. But, still, it's kind of a necessity. You never know when...

Black & White Marble Bedding

$50 - $350 from Safe House USA »

Nothing screams wealth and class like marble flooring, marble countertops, marble statues, and marble-covered rolls in the hay. Here, Safe House USA gives buyers the option of going full mar-balls to the wall with their...

Periodic Table of Swearing Mug

$16.09 from Firebox.com »

In lieu of spending $80 grand on the Talking Periodic Table of Swearing coffee table I think I might part with my Andrew Lincoln and go for the Periodic Table of Swearing mug instead. Granted, it doesn't blurt heinous...

Bublcam - 360-Degree Camera

$477 - $525 from bublcam »

What better way to prove you've got balls than to show 'em? That's the cue photography seems to be taking from projects such as the Panono and, here, the bublcam. A baseball-sized spherical camera, bublcam houses 4 equidistant...

Thanksgiving Popcorn Feast

$34.99 from Amazon »

Well here's one way to appease vegetarians, gluten intolerants, lousy cooks, people with a dish washing aversion, and Orville Redenbacher this Thanksgiving. King of POP has condensed an entire Turkey Day feast into 9...

The Walking Dead Monopoly

$32.07 from Amazon »

I don't know what you get when you pass Go--maybe another axe or Gator machete to add to your zombie defense arsenal--but I do know that when I play Monopoly: Walking Dead Survival Edition I'll have permanent dibs on...

Natural Sunrise Alarm Clock

$200 from Amazon »

Some people believe that a blaring alarm shattering the silence of our slumber and tearing our eyes open in the still-blackness of a winter morning isn't so good for the body. Philips, makers of the Wake-Up Light and...

Gin & Whisky Advent Calendars

$161.09 - $241.59 from Firebox.com »

Do you see what it says on one of the drams in the Gin Advent Calendar?! Professor Cornelius! Professor Cornelius Impleforth! I can't stop laughing! Partly due to the thought of my friend Cornelius being a professor...