A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Sunday, November 4, 2012
$8.71 from Amazon »

Ice straws are what I will give children to drink hot chocolate with so I don't have to hear them whine and cry about how it's too hot and they burnt their tongue and waaa, waaa, waaa, I want a hug. I often want a hug too...

Wednesday, April 24, 2013
$16.99 - $24.99 from Bubi Bottle »

Innumerable points to the Bubi collapsible bottle for calling itself a Bubi and including the option of affixing nipples to its top. Obviously. But in addition to these superficial treats, the Bubi bottle also boasts some...

Friday, November 23, 2012
$9.26 from Amazon »

Now that we've got Thanksgiving out of the way, it's time to deck the halls, fire up the "Jingle Bells" sing-a-longs, celebrate Jesus, and eat cheese. Cheesus Christ, a cheese grater that--like many folks' Sunday rituals and toast--pays homage to our "grate Lord", will assist in the merry partaking in the latter two. A stainless steel shredder with JC's likeness coaxing blocks of parmesan into...

Saturday, March 10, 2012
$224.73 from Amazon »

The KettlePizza insert takes homely, mediocre 22.5" kettle grills, such as Webers and Stoks, and magically transforms them into flashy, gourmet, pseudo-woodfired pizza ovens capable of putting New York slices, Chicago deep...

Friday, February 3, 2012
$7.87 from Amazon »

Red Solo cup, I fill you up. And am way less likely to drop you in someone's lap now that you are made of foam instead of cheap plastic that accrues grip-compromising condensation like Lindsay Lohan accrues pardons for criminal...

Thursday, July 18, 2013
$32.20 from Amazon »

You already stand at the kitchen counter eating spoonfuls of peanut butter straight out of the jar anyway, so why not make the guilty pleasure even more enjoyable with PB Crave's addition of the ingredients you might pile on top if it ever made it to a slice of bread? Here, intensifying the already addictive nut spread, are the equally coveted swirls, bits, and essences of honey, banana, chocolate...

Thursday, April 4, 2013
$45 from Etsy »

From chemistry class I remember something about diatomic elements and noble gases, but mostly I remember that my teacher wore a tie-dyed lab coat and I could always see this one girl's lacy bras when she would bend over the...

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Wagons, the color blue, toys loud enough to get me grounded, stereos gangsta enough to make me feel like I was a part of the rap community, all of the things I loved as a young boy come rushing back in a singular, superb composition:...

Friday, October 26, 2012

Nothing like a little colorful latex with cockamamie explanations of what you did to require bandage coverage to make paper cuts, minor dicing mishaps, and drunken tumbles look a little more admirable. Each box of What Happened?...

Thursday, August 8, 2013
$25.99 from Amazon »

Do you think XAPPR is pronounced "Zapper" as in "Xylophone," and as in "Shoot 'em up with your smartphone," or "Ex-app-ear" as in "X-ray," and as in "Push the button and your ex will magically materialize before you, naked...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011
$33 from Jet Pens »

There is nothing better than knowing you're writing down your daily to do list (probably the same damn stuff you wrote down the day before, and before that) with a superior writing instrument. And that's exactly what this...

Sunday, August 19, 2012
$9.40 from Amazon »

Swearing in another language. It's the only thing we really cared to learn during the mandatory years of high school French. Actually, my earliest memories of foreign curse words came much earlier, in 2nd grade, when the term...

Sunday, April 7, 2013
$399.95 from Amazon »

I recently got an email from a fan that said, "I hate to be HOT." Hahahaha, get it? A fan that hates to be hot. Actually, I just noticed that hilarious pun after I wrote it. I really did get an email from someone telling me...

Thursday, November 29, 2012
$152 from PrezzyBox »

At first I thought this was an actual washing machine/suitcase combo. Like for moms to tote around and use to instantly remove the spit-up and dirt and, in my case, Bloody Marys, from their kids' perpetually soiled clothes....

Sunday, January 15, 2012
$69.99 from Amazon »

For hosts, no more contracting pink eye or ocular herpes from smooshing your cornea against the peephole. For guests, no more wondering how much worse your wide hips or severe jaw line look magnified and distorted on the other...

Thursday, March 7, 2013
$199.99 from SamTimer »

Although most of my anecdotes and personal claims to greatness are complete BS, I swear, what follows is a true story. Two true stories, actually. First, I am a formidable Scrabble player. Second, one time I dated a girl who...

Monday, July 22, 2013
$14.95 - $59.95 from CeramiPro »

The way it usually goes with knives is that they either cost a lot or they suck. (Note: both varieties seem to be equally capable of gashing through my finger such that I require stitches and a tetanus shot.) CeramiPro's Phantom...

Friday, April 12, 2013
$34.09 from Amazon »

Domo started out as a Japanese television network mascot. Then he began starring in skits during station breaks. Then he got made into an English-language manga series for the US and Canada, and then he got made into a toaster....

Friday, August 12, 2011
$33.16 from Amazon »

This is a big ass shark that gets filled with helium so you can control who you'd like to kill with it. Check out the video after the jump for a better visualization of what I'm saying here. This thing looks pretty awesome...

Friday, March 30, 2012
$229.95 from Amazon »

Is it sun-blazin', mosquito-laden, river-floatin', mountain-bikin', pop-a-tent-in-the woods season yet? Segue from winter into the months of the year that don't make people want to jump off highway overpasses with the terrifically...

Monday, July 1, 2013
$200 from LotusGrill »

The LotusGrill, a compact, smokeless charcoal BBQ, is a perfect example of the type of gadget that makes me go, "How'd they do that?!" but really I'm not interested in an explanation if it requires more than 20 seconds of...

Tuesday, April 2, 2013
$61.56 - $82.26 from Amazon »

To me, the idea of smelling like a bomb of anything connotes an unpleasantly strong and cloying odor, and when I think of a bomb of spices all that comes to mind are the scents that permeate my clothes, my hair, my skin, my...

Thursday, October 3, 2013
$30.78 from Amazon »

If I tried to plant carrot and radish and whatever that third thing is seeds in some dirt behind a transparent sheet of acrylic probably what I would end up with is a pile of dirt behind a transparent sheet of acrylic. But...

Saturday, June 22, 2013
$18 - $45 from Society 6 »

You're going to have to buy a print, T-shirt, hoodie, or tote bag of The Periodic Table of the Muppets if you want to see the details of this comprehensive compilation of Jim Henson's finest because the Internet is showing...

Thursday, June 27, 2013
$24.90 - $159.90 from Awesome Maps »

Although all maps technically contain the places you want to see before you die, Awesome Maps' Bucketlistmap provides the added service of specifics--the phenomena, landmarks, and activities within each country or region that...

Saturday, December 29, 2012
By: Generate

First and foremost, designer Sotirios Papadopoulos' Full Moon Cabinet ships with an accompanying CD of music custom-compiled to reflect its aura. Never mind that the lunar credenza is also coated with Eco Light Inside, a material...

Tuesday, October 8, 2013
$8.99 - $36 from Get Up and Go »

Get Up and Go baked goods advertise their delivery of caffeine without the coffee. Having consumed several...in the past 11 minutes...I would advertise that, even better, they jack up my motivation and focus without the puckered...

Friday, June 22, 2012
$64.95 from Etsy »

Holy crap, can you imagine how many cookies the Cookie Monster would eat if he were high? Possibly all the cookies in the world. Which in a way would be interesting to witness, but in a bigger way very sad, because then I...

Tuesday, January 15, 2013
$25 from Etsy »

While I would trust the paracord to help me in my times of need--jimmying a suspended shelter during floods or stepping in for my broken shoelace during the 3-on-3 playoffs at the YMCA--I have to admit its Vader component...

Friday, June 22, 2012

Jolly Rogers, Hearts that say "Mom", Tweety Birds, sure they're gumball machine classics when it comes to temporary tattoos, but what about getting tatted out for 2 to 3 days in a design that expresses true individuality and...

Wednesday, March 6, 2013
$27.15 - $31.57 from Amazon »

They're terming Brook & Hunter's axe of a thousand ways to destroy and maim a "garden tool". Yeah, for all the "weeding" I have to do when gangs of Girl Scouts jump me in the grocery store parking lot because I dissed Do-si-dos....

Tuesday, May 8, 2012
$24.99 from ToyVault »

When it's cold on the slopes, the only thing better than wearing a toasty warm ski mask is wearing a toasty warm ski mask whose Lovecraftian green tentacles scare the ever loving shit out of fellow downhillers. The Cthulhu...

Saturday, July 27, 2013
$1,998 from Amazon »

If I were to stumble upon, say, a honey badger battling a cobra, or a monkey washing a cat, I wonder how close I would be able to sneak before disrupting the event and getting myself killed. Probably not close enough to satisfy...

Thursday, October 24, 2013
$13.99 from Amazon »

Well let's just take the modicum of elbow grease required to enjoy an ass fattener alongside a campfire out of the s'mores creation equation entirely. Now I don't even have to engage my upper body muscles supporting and rotating...

Thursday, November 29, 2012
$199 from Amazon »

Shoot first, focus later. So goes the mantra to the Lytro Light Field Camera, the photography world's first "living pictures" point-and-shooter that allows users to tweak both the focus and the perspective of photos after...

Monday, June 3, 2013
By: Behance

One of the first things you learn at Carulla Cooking School in Bogota, Colombia is how to use a knife. That's after you learn one of the first things you learn in Bogota, Colombia, which is how to use a gun (and where to buy...

Friday, September 2, 2011
$10.64 from Amazon »

Finally a real need has been filled. Underpants for your hands. Great for protecting your hands while... eating chocolate and scratching your butt? Maybe these gloves should be worn under your regular gloves to protect them...

Thursday, August 11, 2011
$17.99 from Lootiful.com »

This is pretty badass and very well made. The iPWN! Case for iPhone 4 fits AT&T models perfectly and you'll surely be the only person you know that has one... unless you know a bunch of other geeks....

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Nothing gives me more satisfaction than finding new and exciting ways of flipping people off. First, an umbrella, and now, a housekey. The Middle Finger key--or as vendor Goodworth & Co. calls it, the "Best Wishes" key--is...

Tuesday, July 9, 2013
$99.95 from Amazon »

Who wants a pork chop, a salmon fillet, a bloody mary, or a piece of chocolate cake that tastes like it's spent hours slowly absorbing the apple wood of a smoker? In seconds, and without heat, the Smoking Gun portable food...

Friday, March 23, 2012
$399.99 from Marshall Fridge »

The Marshall amp replica refrigerator, signed by Jim Marshall, emblazoned with authentic Marshall logos, and fitted with a real Marshall facing has a paradoxically acoustic effect: it makes your brews and carbonated shots...

Tuesday, February 26, 2013
$8.49 from Amazon »

What if Darth Vader had been a good dad? Or even had just announced his paternity to Luke sometime before he got into that imminent death predicament? Darth Vader and Son not only speculates on this topic, but does so with...

Thursday, May 23, 2013
$8.06 from Amazon »

Penis pasta, penis pasta, penis pasta! Cornelius just made me say it 3 times fast. I found that it wasn't very difficult, but he found it very funny because everyone in the Apple store looked at me like I'm the type of person...

Sunday, July 15, 2012
$575 from Etsy »

San Diego Comic-Con may be winding down, but the San Romero zombie apocalypse is just amping up. And if you're going to splice off heads and bifurcate torsos chainsaw-wielding-Juliet style when it gets here, you're gonna need...

Thursday, August 25, 2011
Discontinued

Though probably the type of installation that has to be seen in person for true appreciation, the photos are still pretty darn phenomenal. I feel like you could stare at this marvel of intricacy for an hour every day and find...

Monday, May 27, 2013
$12.98 - $63.99 from Amazon »

On the one hand, a sippy wine glass is really dumb. But on the other, it is kind of useful, as wine is very easy to knock over or dribble on your brand new Wool & Prince button-up when someone tells one of the funniest jokes...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012
$25 from Brad McGinty »

Who isn't a fan of checking out innards these days? Particularly when the innards belong to our favorite film creatures--Mogwais, Gremlins, Martians, Predators, Xenomorphs--and particularly when the versions we used to cut...

Thursday, January 3, 2013
$7.95 from Amazon »

The extent of Amazon's grenade knife description: "Looks like a grenade." Hmmm...sold! I'm such an easy target for advertisers. Don Draper could probably sell me a pile of gorilla shit. He could probably sell me a ticket to...

Friday, March 8, 2013
$12.99 from Amazon »

This idea of hanging strips of pork candy on the Makin' Bacon microwave rack seems preferable to my grandma's method of pounding cooked pieces between an entire roll of paper towels. No speck of grease goes unabsorbed! She...

Wednesday, October 31, 2012
$15.99 from Amazon »

Communication, so the saying goes, is key. How appropriate then for the bilinguists of the Galactic Republic to provide us with this Translator Ring, a finger-sized key to communicating with the Huttese. Imagine how Jabba...

Thursday, April 25, 2013
$11.58 from Amazon »

Not only is this item called Colon Cleaner Hot Sauce, but it's sold by a vendor named Professor Phardtpounders. How tacky and immature. I want some. Specifically, I want a concoction of Scotch bonnet peppers, mustard, modified...

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Suck it, chocolate bunnies! This Easter all the cool kiddies want chocolate craniums cast from real human skulls! OK, so how many comments of outrage am I going to get when I point out that partaking in a piece of dark chocolate...

Tuesday, March 13, 2012
$14.50 from Amazon »

A 3" x 1" alarm that attaches to any door or window, and fires a powerful siren if anyone enters. It's the perfect companion for travelers, people with nosy mothers and girlfriends, and the inexplicably paranoid. In addition...

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Miso Soup Design, bad move releasing photos of the Anti-loneliness Ramen Bowl before you have actual Anti-loneliness Ramen Bowls to sell. Now everyone wants one, everyone is pestering you to buy one, and the bowls' target...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

NCC-1701 is ready for reception of coasters, remote controls, back issues of Scientific American, and holey crew-socked feet. Craftsman Barry Shields spent a month forging the USS Enterprise from ash, poplar, and cherry woods...

Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Discontinued

Lionel Richie is one of those weird celebrities like Demi Moore and Kate Winselt who kind of starts looking better as he gets older. See: Lionel Richie circa 1983. And: Lionel Richie now. His songs, of course, have always...

Monday, July 15, 2013
$19.95 from Amazon »

I think all kids should be given a Chalktrail and told to ride however they want around a big open driveway or parking lot. Then when they've finished a bunch of child psychologists can come in to examine and assess their...

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Chrono-Shredder is a clock, a calendar, a reminder that those who sit at home and simply watch time go by have lives filled with nothing but growing piles of shit on the floor. Poetic, no? Susanna Hertrich combines machine...

Thursday, August 1, 2013
$11.16 from Amazon »

Oh balls. I mean, oh geometric block shapes. Now even drinking my morning coffee is going to turn into an exercise in quick critical thinking and spatial recognition. At least it appears that heat from the liquid poured into...

Sunday, July 21, 2013
$19.94 from Amazon »

Point 1: Crafting traditional sushi rolls requires the finesse and fine motor skills of a surgeon. Point 2: Compact 3D squares of food look way cooler and more Willy Wonka magical than squat cylinders of it. Ergo: Bring on...

Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Hey, a chess set that's fun to play with even for people who don't know how to play chess. Umbra brings the world of Wobble to its thinker's game, either to add some whimsy to what is otherwise an insufferably boring, hours-long...

Saturday, October 27, 2012
$4,945 - $5,695 from Pen Boutique »

Even as a Batman die-hard, I'm pretty sure that if I had $5,000 to spend on Dark Knight products, I wouldn't go for a fountain pen. But different folks, different strokes, 'ey? And if you fancy yourself, say, a DC Comics poet...

Thursday, June 6, 2013
$10 from Lollyphile »

Oh, would that they were made of real breast milk...that would be F'ing sick. But in the grand spirit of edible items simply modeled after choice body parts*, the Lollyphile's Breast Milk Lollipops don't contain actual breast...

Sunday, May 12, 2013
$519 from ID Cook »

Those days when it's hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk or the sun's bright enough to light ants on fire with a magnifying glass? The COOKUP 200 solar BBQ turns nearly every day into an over-easy-on-the-concrete-cruel-bug-exterminating...

Monday, October 1, 2012
$29.99 from Etsy »

Had I an oven in which to grow a bun, definitely a Skeleton Baby T-Shirt would be my preferred method of announcing it to the world. I wonder if wearing it would deter the nosy old hens who feel up preggo women's bellies...

Sunday, April 22, 2012
$4k from Choc Edge »

Choc Creator is a revolutionary Voltron of Americans' two favorite things to do: screw around on the computer and eat. The first commercial 3D chocolate printer, Choc Creator Version 1, employs 10 mL syringes filled with liquid...

Monday, December 3, 2012
$70 - $100 from Combat Humidor »

Combat Cigar Humidors take Made in America to the next level. The waterproof stogie canisters are also custom crafted to order by disabled Marine Corps veterans out of Spanish cedar encased in an M13 7.62 x 51 linked ammo...

Wednesday, October 23, 2013
$12,900 from Brevet »

Is it classy or trashy that Rolex has taken time to the casino? I mean, sure, the thought of Bond-like high rollers sipping whiskey and playing Blackjack connotes a certain level of luxury, but the red, black, and green of...