Super Mario New York City Subway Map

$25 - $45 from RIPT »

Pipes, mushrooms, a Cape Feather or two, and it's even a real, useful map of the New York City subway system. The Super Mario NYC Subway Map salutes Super Mario World in its pixel-by-pixel mass transit trek through 16-bit...

Switch - Customizable Pocket Knife

$89.99 from Quirky »

Modular. It's going to take tactical to the octagon for the title of Most Profitable Buzzword. Modular cell phones, modular pens, and now a modular pocket knife. Quirky Inventor James Robinson's Swift is Swiss Army gone...

Brewtis the BottleKeeper

What's better than filling a water bottle with water? Filling a water bottle with beer! And what's better than filling a water bottle with beer? Inserting an entire bottle of beer into the water bottle! Wait...do what?...

iFingerLock - Fingerprint Padlock

Sold Out from Amazon »

I have exactly two recurring dreams. One is about 12th grade calculus and my having to take a final exam even though I did not realize I was signed up for the class, and the other is about not being able to remember my...

White Castle Slider Scented Candle

$11.99 from Amazon »

I don't think there is a fast food item on the planet more polarizing than the White Castle slider. You either love them and eat 2 dozen on a dare the night before your wedding and then spend the entire reception puking...

Indoor Ninja Throwing Star Range

I don't know too much about Lexington, Kentucky. Well, really I don't know anything about Lexington, Kentucky except that beginning Spring 2014 it will be #1 on my list of vacation destinations. In Spring 2014 Ninjas...

The Gift of Nothing

Sold Out from Amazon »

Merry Christmas to all! Especially my friend Cornelius, who is sulky this year on account of his girlfriend having dumped him at Thanksgiving! This breakup was, of course, the best Xmas gift I myself could have received...

Tesla Coil

I don't know if a 50,000-volt Tesla coil is powerful enough to play a tag team rendition of "Sweet Home Alabama" like the pair in the above video, but it does radiate enough high-frequency energy to light 2 fluorescent...

A Monthly Taste of Japan Box

$12 - $144 from Skoshbox »

Listen up, 11th hour shoppers, plus anyone else who loves candy, surprises, and/or the delicacies of Japan (the edible, not the human ones): Skoshbox, a deliverer of monthly, fresh-off-the-boat candies and snacks from...

NUVIZ HUD for Motorcycle Helmets

$499 from NUVIZ »

If you're not lucky enough to be selected by Skully to beta test their HUD motorcycle helmet, you might consider joining the line to own the NUVIZ take on motorcycle Head-Up Display. The NUVIZ Ride:HUD, a joint venture...

PPShots Toilet Photo Holder

$7.99 from Amazon »

Ahhh, nothing like the holidays to remind me whose face I'd like to take a giant piss on. PPShots produces Adhesive Photo Protectors--clear toilet sticker designed to house and keep intact photos stuck on the inside of...

Pleasure Products Organizer

$29 - $69 from Kickstarter »

This one's for the ladies. I think. It's hard to keep track of who likes what anymore....

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Titanium & Moonglow Ring

Giveaway: Titanium & Moonglow Ring

Enter to win your finger the sleek design and mystical luminescence of an Isotope Titanium & Moonglow ring from Black Badger Advanced Composites (a $325 value!)...

SOS Parachute - High-Rise Building Escape System

Panamanian inventor Morris Shahbazi once bragged to disbelieving ears that his SOS Parachute, an emergency evacuation system for people in high-rise office buildings, hotels, and residences, could open in 100 feet, or...

Carbon Fiber Playing Cards

$120 from Kickstarter »

Yes, they shuffle. But they can't do the bridge/easy stack after the riffle, so if you want a deck of carbon fiber playing cards, you'll have to be willing to press them together and realign them into a neat pile yourself....

PowerTrekk Fuel Cell Charger

$202.36 from Amazon »

myFC PowerTrekk is a portable fuel cell charger that runs on ordinary water. Ordinary water orrrrr...a rechargeable lithium-ion battery....

Chihuahua Taco Holders

$27.99 from Overstock.com »

Yo quiero three large divots carved out of my back so I can hold tacos for gringos. Meet Tito...and his twin brother Tito...a duo of chihuahuas eager to liven up your Taco Tuesday with their droll method of tortilla shell...

I Will Not Be Your Father Condom

Nice. A condom to carry my message to all the unborn children in the world. Attention would-be zygotes! I WILL NOT BE YOUR FATHER!...

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Hummingbird Wine Glass Charms

$16 from Amazon »

Aw, little hummingbird charms to perch atop my wine glass and demarcate which syrah has my backwash in it. How precious and handy. A service to all. And unlike ringed glass ID tags, the hummingbirds can act as markers...

Ministry of Silly Walks Watch

Sold Out from Amazon »

Even if you've never seen John Cleese perform the Monty Python skit leading to the creation of this terrific Ministry of Silly Walks watch--since I happen to be younger than my mama, I for one haven't--you can probably...

No More Woof - Dog to Human Translator

$65 - $400 from No More Woof »

From the Nordic Society of Invention and Discovery--yes, that's a real society, not one made up by Wes Anderson--comes No More Woof, a device that lifts up the latest technology in micro computing and EEG, and plops it...

The World's First Smart Basketball

$230.34 - $249.95 from Amazon »

The 94Fifty basketball is so smart it can measure any force you apply to it, instantly output data about your game, hone your shooting skills, coordinate competitions against other players, and diss your mama for being...

Giant Bean Bag Sofa

$149 from Amazon »

Appropriately, this giant, 7' bean bag sofa is called the Fuf. In honor of all the people who are going to Fuf on it. In comfort, no less. The Fuf replaces the traditional foam balls of 1970s bean bag creations with patented...

Diamond Ring Candles

$24.95 from Diamond Candles »

Diamond Candles makes candles (duh) with embedded diamonds (du...really?) Each candle is guaranteed to contain a sparkly ring for its burner to discover as the wax diminishes. Granted, they're not all diamonds, and they're...

Kinetic Light Newton's Cradle

$49.99 from ThinkGeek »

You know what they say: when the balls are knockin', Newton's cradle must be rockin'. Fine. They don't say that. But maybe they will once these Newton's cradles with color-changing LED balls take the kinetic sculpture...

Tortilla Baby Blanket & Hat

Mmm, mmm that baby looks good enough to dunk in guacamole and drizzle with Cholula. I'm a little confused about the tortilla swaddling blanket's accompanying hat though. Why does it have a knot in it? Aren't tamales the...

Star Wars Love Pillowcases

Discontinued

Han Solo. You mack. The only lady I could get away with saying, "I know" in response to "I love you" to is my mama. I actually have proof of this in the form of the one other time I tried it on the one other lady who...

Gaming Glasses for Eye Fatigue

$21.95 - $154.52 from Amazon »

It's the graphics for a travel brochure. It's Q4 performance spreadsheets and their accompanying presentation slides. It's a thesis on the association between country music and suicide. Fine. It's really just Call of...

Buy Tighe Dual Blade Titanium Knife

$1k from Blade HQ »

This dual-bladed evolution of bladesmith Brian Tighe's Nirk Tighe won Most Innovative Custom Design at the 2012 BLADE Show. Now what I wonder is if the Buy Tighe knife is really so outstanding that it's worth a cool grand...

Tactical Laser-Guided Pizza Cutter

$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

Necessity, she is the mother of invention. Even if it takes decades--no, centuries!--of jagged edges and misshapen triangles. Of someone popularizing the word "rustic" to justify the serving of sloppy, ugly food. Necessity...

Butterfly Labs Jalapeno Bitcoin Miner

$333.15 from Amazon »

Butterfly Labs' entry level Jalapeno Bitcoin miner sells with a mining rate of 5 G/Hash per second, as well as with an upgrade that bumps its performance to 7 G/Hash per second. And while both are pretty paltry in comparison...

Ice Cream Sandwich Bench

$950 from Jellio »

To quote Freddie Mercury, "Is this real life? Or is it just fantasy?" Let's see...well, according to the $950 subtotal in my Jellio shopping cart, it is real life. Oh boy! Real life now has furniture that looks like ice...

Shotgun Flower Shell

Plant flowers, not bullet wounds. That's ST lab's rosy goal with Flower Shell. The Scandinavian company, which has developed several trendy, quirky, and what they hope will be considered visionary products, plans to release...

Pasta Boobs

$9.45 from Amazon »

I hear Pasta Boobs pair best with cream-based sauces. I hear Pasta Boobs should be cooked al dente if you want them to stay firm. I hear if you serve Pasta Boobs to kids under 3, they'll only gnaw on the tips. I hear...eh...

Hydrogen Reactor

$100 from Amazon »

While it sounds like something Batman would be called upon to save the world from, Brunton's Hydrogen Reactor is actually an innocuous, albeit robust, deliverer of power to portable devices. It's a piece of scientific...

Pop-Up Encyclopedia of Sharks & Sea Monsters

$18.62 from Amazon »

One Amazon reviewer gives Encyclopedia Prehistorica: Sharks and Other Sea Monsters 5 stars, raving, "My 3-year-old loves it!" Well guess what, toddler mama, I'm 33 and I love it too! From Robert Sabuda and Matthew Reinhart...

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PlayStation 4

Giveaway: PlayStation 4

Who wants to wait to get their hands on the elusive, highly-coveted Sony PlayStation 4? No one! Who's going to have to wait to get their hands on the elusive, highly-coveted Sony PlayStation 4? Most everyone! Except you....

The World's First Smart Rifle

$22,500 - $27,500 from TrackingPoint »

Taking top honors in the category of Yo That's Crazy and Moderately Disturbing but I Guess It Was Gonna Happen Sometime: TrackingPoint's PGF. Precision. Guided. Firearm. It's fighter-jet-style, lock-and-launch technology...

Skypanel Light Diffusers

$35.95 from Amazon »

Skypanels are intended to make places such as waiting rooms and hospitals and dentists' chairs and baby nurseries less awful than they inherently are by covering harsh fluorescent lights and diffusing their searing output...

DrumPants

$99 - $199 from DrumPants »

We all tap our feet, our thighs, our chests, and the asses of the opposite sex if they are amenable to it anyway, so why not create an instrument that returns a more audible, rich, and percussive sound than that of flesh...

Anti-Sweat Armpit Stickers

Would discovering a girl is wearing anti-sweat armpit stickers in the middle of making out with her be better or worse than discovering she's wearing a heavily padded bra? I can't decide. Both would be incredibly disappointing....

Star Wars: The Blueprints

$59.99 from Amazon »

In Star Wars: The Blueprints, "the meticulously researched text gives voice to the groundbreaking and brilliant engineers, designers, and artists that have, in film after film, created the most imaginative and iconic...

Technomancer Digital Wizard Hoodie

$119.99 from ThinkGeek »

Sometimes for April Fool's Day merchants make up fake products and list them as real products that no one can actually buy and it's hilarious. And sometimes for April Fool's Day merchants make up fake products and list...

Cheese & Chocolate Curler

$50.36 from Amazon »

The Swissmar girouette says it was devised to shave and curl Tete de Moine, a fancy cheese from Switzerland that probably costs $100 pound, but you can also use it to make byooteeful ribbons of chocolate, or on any old...

Jedi Bathrobe

$29.99 from Amazon »

I bet this is the only bathrobe on Amazon--no, on the planet!--that has 121 customer reviews! 121 reviews! 159 if you count its second listing here. 159 reviews*! Of a bathrobe. I know it's a Jedi bathrobe and it has...

Zombie Hammer Survival Tools

$79.95 - $139.95 from Zombie Hammer »

"Zombie Hammer survival tools are designed to last longer than cockroaches." Longer than cockroaches! Now that's a sell. This knuckle dustered cache of apocalyptic weapons must have a collective immune system of steel!...

Wireless Rechargeable Touchpad

$34.99 from Amazon »

Here's a way to increase the functionality--oh, no, sorry, "unlock the power" of your Windows 8 PC. The Logitech rechargeable touchpad expands upon the standard built-in trackpad both dimensionally with its large, 5.9"...

Pure Copper Old West Shot Glasses

$124.99 from Jacob Bromwell »

Jacob Bromwell's set of Old West shot glasses are pure copper, handmade by up to 5 American workers, and in very limited supply. So get 'em while they're smokin' hot, and you just might have the perfect beginnings for...

Smarty Ring Smartphone Controller

$175 from Smarty Ring »

Smartphone-connected watches, smartphone-connected wristbands, it was only a matter of time before someone came up with a smartphone-connected ring. Particularly with the great fanfare surrounding the Ring Clock. Smarty...

Stealth-X Carbon Fiber Snow Sled

$2,549 from Snolo Sleds »

Carbon fiber. That stuff is pretty light, right? Hey! Cornelius! Good news! Next time we sneak onto the golf course to go sledding it's going to be WAY easier to schlep our implements back up the hill from the bottom!...

Elevation Training Mask 2.0

$79.99 from Amazon »

Trading in the original Elevation high altitude oxygen training mask for the lighter, more compact, and generally sexier 2.0 version is kind of the same as Justin Timberlake trading in Cameron Diaz for Jessica Biel:...

NYC Taxi Drivers Beefcake Calendar

$14.99 from NYC Taxi Calendar »

See, ladies, why waste time exacting revenge upon your ex-boyfriend when you could be spending it pursuing one of these hot transportation professionals as your new boyfriend? The 2014 NYC Taxi Drivers Beefcake Calendar...

Ex-Boyfriend Revenge Kit

$1,680 from Her Royal Flyness »

I am drawing this Ex-Boyfriend Revenge Kit to the world's attention only so that if anyone sees a woman carrying a bluish-greenish colored purse you'll know to report her immediately to a shrink, the police, and Batman....

Smartphone Controlled Paper Airplane

$30 - $75 from Power Up Toys »

We've seen electric paper airplanes. And we've seen flights of fancy controlled by smartphones. But never before in the history of mankind's existence on the universe have we seen an electric paper airplane controlled...

Killer Rabbit Slippers

$28.66 from Amazon »

Beware ye who enter the the Cave of Caerbannog without backup in the form of cozy, yet stylish, footwear. Officially licensed by Monty Python--with a snarl-and-sap of approval from the Killer Rabbit himself--these snaggletoothed...

Merry F**king Christmas Wrapping Paper

$12.35 from Calligraphuck »

Ah. It seems Mr. Garrison has forayed into the business of paper products. Merry Fucking Christmas. Come on, you know you want to sing along as you read it. Maybe tie a little Mr. Hat plush to the ribbon if you're one...

Ravioli Rolling Pin

$24.99 from Amazon »

And maybe when I'm not making ravioli I can use this rolling pin on the knots in my back and my tightly wound IT band. The beechwood ravioli rolling pin delivers a strong sense of self-satisfaction to its rollers as it...

LifeStraw Go Water Filtration Bottle

Sold Out from eartheasy »

Think Fast LifeStraw Go Promotion: In honor of their debut, LifeStraw Go water bottles will be available for 43% off their normal retail price through December 11, 2013 ($19.95 vs. $34.95). Follow the link to vendor eartheasy's...

Alcohol Shot Gun

$22.16 from Amazon »

I call shotgun! Wha--what the F Scott Fitzgerald, Cornelius?! You just sprayed me in the eye with...what is that, a...juicy fr--...no, a buttery nipple? You just squirted a buttery nipple at my face?! That's...that's...well...

Designer Star Wars Jewelry

$42 - $4,950 from Etsy »

Paul Bierker is a formally educated designer with a BFA in Jewelry Design and Graphic Design, and a BAMF in handcrafted Star Wars jewelry. Even I might wear a ladies' sapphire and diamond ring if it also looked like the...

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Tokyoflash Watches

Giveaway: Tokyoflash Watches

Enter to win your choice of any watch from Tokyoflash (up to a $199 value!) You've seen Tokyoflash's ringed LED Tron Watch, the Kisai 7, on DudeIWantThat.com. And you've seen their safety-first (with sci-fi dotted light...

Sriracha Vodka

Hello there, ma'am. Fine evening we're having, wouldn't you say? What's that in my hand you ask? Here, have a closer look....

Snow-Melting Stair Mat

$49.54 from Amazon »

What?! A snow-melting stair mat? And a baby demonstrating its use?! But the best part of accumulated Mother Nature dandruff is watching little kids wipe out trying to navigate through it! I do feel bad for old people...

Naughty Cookie Cutters

$29.49 from Firebox.com »

These are disgusting. A perversion of gingerbread men, and a perversion of the spirit of Christmas!...

Family Bug Out Bag

$969 from OuttaGEAR »

If my family were to bug out, probably the first thing we'd do is tear apart this bag of supplies in search of the Xanax and Scotch it does not contain to help calm ourselves down. Luckily, in the event that one of us...

Wipebook - Whiteboard Notebook

$14 - $28 from Wipebook »

Wipebook poses the question, "You know how creative people use whiteboards to generate cool amazing ideas?" And I ask the question, "You know how creative people with cool amazing ideas who can't draw, or even really...