The Hot Tub Boat

By: on January 22, 2013

While the HotTug, a Dutch, wood-fired tug boat with a built-in hot tub, is cozy and quaint-looking, it defies American protocol by not being the size and price of a luxury SUV. Thankfully, Hammacher Schlemmer recognized these unfortunate discrepancies, and got to work hunting down a vessel more representative of the inordinately wealthy people who would be using it. Success struck in Seattle, WA--a city with a rich nautical history, and a nouveau riche demographical present--in the form of the 16' Hot Tub Boat.

A marine carpenter specializing in custom houseboat design engineered the floating jacuzzi with a Vinylester hull, slatted African teak deck, and 24-volt electric motor. Hot tub dimensions are 8' long x 4' wide x 2' deep, accommodating up to 6 adults and a total weight (with water) of 2,100 pounds. An integrated diesel-powered boiler heats and bubbles the tub to a maximum 104 degrees F, which is hopefully just below the temperature at which the bather sitting closest to the boat's joystick steering mechanism transitions from cognizant and able to avoid oncoming watercraft, to totally Zenned out and cool with hitting a 42' sailboat head-on because, hey man, everyone's gotta go sometime and when you think about it, nothing but death gives us true peace and makes us more one with the Mother Earth.

The Hot Tub Boat's maximum speed is 5 mph on calm water, and its alleged maximum draft distance is 20". A rechargeable battery pack delivers 10 hours of power in a single, overnight charge. Please call 800.227.3528 for further details, and Johnny Rizzo for the $42,000 loan you'll need to complete the boat's purchase.

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