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Flyboard

By: on February 25, 2013

Similar to the Jetovater, but with a lower profile, the Flyboard is a kind of powered wakeboard that allows propulsion under water and in the air, rendering its user akin to a dolphin, human cannonball, or Grand Prize winner of a Darwin Award. Riders strap themselves feet-first into boots connected to a hose, and use water propelled by pairs of foot and hand nozzles to dive below the surface, soar above it, and perform crowd-pleasing acrobatics reflective of individual skill and inability to grasp the concept of mortality everywhere in between.

Flyboard foot nozzles harness about 90% of the propulsion water, which the user controls with subtle tilts of the feet and body. The other 10% streams from the hand nozzles for a stabilizing effect similar to ski poles. Creators claim Flyboard operation is intuitive and easy to pick up, with most people able to glide underwater in search of circa 1984 Daryl Hannah in about 20 minutes. Complete mastery of the gear's capabilities and maneuvers requires about 3 hours of training. Speaking of which, those purchasing Flyboards must also commit to a $350 training course on how to operate them without severing spinal cords and rupturing spleens.

Flyboard does not divulge pricing online, but requests phone calls from interested parties. So that once you hear it costs...1 bazillion dollars...the Rico Suave sales rep can try to convince you that money means nothing when it comes to the ride of your life. And possibly death.

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