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Floaty Pants Hands-Free Flotation Device

By: on June 04, 2016
$44.99
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It's the 4th of June. You know what that means: time to start ampin' up for the 4th of July! And the rest of the summer swimming, floating, and partying season for that matter. How's about some Floaty Pants to give your water-based fun a big, uh, lift?

Sure, they're cheesy as hell, and obviously look like giant adult diapers, but what's a little kitsch and kiddie pants when it comes to not drowning because you're drunker than Cooter Brown? Or, more importantly, when it comes to being able to float hands-free, thereby freeing up space to double-fist it in the middle of the lake?

Where noodles and saddles fail, dumping you off at the slightest perturbance, Floaty Pants hug tight--but comfortably!--around your hips and crotch to keep you upright and solid in the water. You won't need to tread or hold on, and Floaty Pants' posterior extension will even serve as a back rest primed to lean 'n' chill.

Floaty Pants are stuffed with high-buoyancy, water-resistant EPE foam and covered in soft, water-resistant nylon outer fabric. A neoprene crotch helps increase comfort and reduce chafing during wear. They come in a variety of colors and highly artistic styles, as well as sizes Medium and Large. Mediums typically fit adults 100 to 180 pounds, and Larges those 170 to 300 pounds.

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SmithFly Shoal Floating Tent

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TRITON - Human Gills

Discontinued

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Geizeer Ice Cube Air Conditioner

$119 - $129 from Geizeer »

Make that "Geizeer Super Cheap and Eco-Friendly Ice Cube Air Conditioner." (And it's actually pronounced "Guy-zer," not "Gee-zer," even though in my head it will always be the latter.) At an operational cost of less than...

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Noria Window Air Conditioner

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Granted, when it's hotter than a dragon's undercarriage out and I'm tasked with sleeping through the night, I don't really care if the air-circulating device that makes that possible looks like Jabba the Hutt's butt crack....

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Scorkl Handheld SCUBA Tank

$200 - $600 from Kickstarter »

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aRks 3D Printed Bikinis

aRks 3D has prototyped a series of 3D printed bikinis they call Coral. And I know what all the dudes out there are thinking: that's some Coral I'd sure like to come across in the ocean. In stark contrast what's running...

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Solar-Powered Air Conditioned Bed

$388 - $776 from Aries »

The Solar AC Bed wants to make it a Bananarama cool (cool!) cool summer without draining your wallet or sucking excess power from the grid. This modular cot frame surrounds your existing bed and absorbs solar energy throughout...

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Hidden Water Pools

One time a couple of minutes ago I saw a patio that turned into a swimming pool! That's crazy! Almost Fletcher Capstan expandable table proportions of crazy, and definitely more in compliance with my agenda of spending...