Floaty Pants Hands-Free Flotation Device
It's the 4th of June. You know what that means: time to start ampin' up for the 4th of July! And the rest of the summer swimming, floating, and partying season for that matter. How's about some Floaty Pants to give your water-based fun a big, uh, lift?
Sure, they're cheesy as hell, and obviously look like giant adult diapers, but what's a little kitsch and kiddie pants when it comes to not drowning because you're drunker than Cooter Brown? Or, more importantly, when it comes to being able to float hands-free, thereby freeing up space to double-fist it in the middle of the lake?
Where noodles and saddles fail, dumping you off at the slightest perturbance, Floaty Pants hug tight--but comfortably!--around your hips and crotch to keep you upright and solid in the water. You won't need to tread or hold on, and Floaty Pants' posterior extension will even serve as a back rest primed to lean 'n' chill.
Floaty Pants are stuffed with high-buoyancy, water-resistant EPE foam and covered in soft, water-resistant nylon outer fabric. A neoprene crotch helps increase comfort and reduce chafing during wear. They come in a variety of colors and highly artistic styles, as well as sizes Medium and Large. Mediums typically fit adults 100 to 180 pounds, and Larges those 170 to 300 pounds.