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Gardenzilla - Rampaging Kaiju Garden Gnome

By: on June 01, 2014
  • Gardenzilla Kaiju Garden Gnome
  • Gardenzilla Kaiju Garden Gnome
$34.99
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Praying mantises and ladybugs are heralded for their ability to rid gardens of many common pests, but in my experience they're utterly useless when it comes to eradicating the front yard of smug, chubby, razor-phobic gnomes. I've tried these organic solutions. And I've also tried pesticides. I've tried tossing the gnomes out, I've tried drop-kicking them down the street, I've even tried playing a game of Gnome Whack-a-Mole with a sledgehammer. Somehow, they always come back, bellies and smirks bigger than ever. Until. Now.

The Rampaging Kaiju, or as any proud owner will come to know him, Gardenzilla, has arrived to wreak havoc on the incumbent gnomic lawn ornaments who have long overstayed their welcome. Even at only 9" tall Gardenzilla's cast poly-resin heft will stomp out and tear through their attempts to evade with charm or weasel away through overgrown hydrangeas. The Kaiju, your garden's true guardian, is here.

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Godzilla Humidifier

Godzilla and his hot, humidifying breath are coming for you! You and your flu season and your flaky skin and your dried-out sinus passageways! Arid climates can run and winter chills can hide, but none shall escape the...

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Meteorite & Dinosaur Bone Rings

$387 - $1,749 from Etsy »

If your special someone is really that special, you won't just give them a ring, you'll give them a ring from a bazillion years ago! A ring that symbolizes how grand, vast, and enduring your love is. A ring that proves...

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Inflatable Dinosaur Costume

Discontinued

Giddyup, T-Rex! While I'm not so sure about the proportions of this inflatable dinosaur costume, what it lacks in mathematical accuracy it definitely makes up for in costume originality. Now riding into your Halloween...

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Life-Size Baby T-Rex Costume

Discontinued

Sometimes babies are born with disproportionately large body parts, which they subsequently grow into. Like dog paws and human eyes. No such luck for the baby T-Rex. Looks as if those little guys are stuck with midget...

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Dino Case - T-Rex Lunch Box & Carrier

$34.99 from Amazon »

No one will steal your lunch--or your maker tools, or your stash--ever again with T-Rex guarding it. The Dino Case from Suck UK uses the impenetrable strength of beastly prehistoric jaw to protect your most beloved PB&Js....

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T-Rex Skull Shower Head

$20 from Etsy »

He may be dead and decomposed, but that doesn't mean T-Rex isn't still capable of spewing the stink off you. Roman Mirskiy creates his T-Rex Skull Shower Heads on a 3D printer. They're all made from high-quality ABS plastic...

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Dino Pet Bioluminescent Night Light

Sold Out from Amazon »

Oh boy, it's like a dinosaur mixed with a firefly mixed with that neat-o photosynthesis word I learned in middle school. Dino Pet, a compilation of living, bioluminescent organisms called dinoflagellates housed in an...

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Mini Museum - Portable Curiosities Collection

$99 - $239 from mini museum »

It's not an oompa loompa, but a portable plaque of specimens ranging from a thread of circa 350 BC Egyptian mummy wrap to a sliver of T-Rex tooth is still rad enough for me to whine, "Mama! I want a Mini Museum! I want...

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8-1/2-Foot-Tall Garden Gnome Statue

$2,278.86 from Amazon »

It's gonna be tough to schlep this garden gnome around the world with you for photo ops, but I'll bet if you do the 8-1/2-foot lawn ornament will help your Instagram account go viral. Who wouldn't want to follow Gottfried...

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Giant Rideable T-Rex Bike

Sold Out from Craigslist »

Of course, of course Portlandia is the Craig's List source for a giant rideable T-Rex bike. I can smell Burning Man 2014 and self-entitled cries of "Share the road!" bellowing through major downtown arterials all over...

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Combat Garden Gnome

$65 from Etsy »

People just can't wait to pervert emblems of peace and goodwill, can they? First the benevolent garden gnome goes zombie and now he's Charlton Heston. Still, at under a foot tall, these combative cuties make perfect pairs--or...

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Raptor Dog Costume

$13.14 from Amazon »

Holy crap, as if I weren't already terrified enough of this beast! Now they have to go and put a raptor costume on it. Well tiny dinosaur dog, now you can keep your beady eyes, your snaggleteeth and your flesh-flaying...