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Shark Repellent Rash Guard

By: on July 23, 2013
Discontinued

Though most people would probably rather get burnt by the sun than bitten by a shark, both injuries are pretty bad these days. Take your pick on which one leads to a slow, tortuous death, or having flesh ripped away from random parts of your body. Seriously. Has anyone ever had a suspicious mole or skin spot removed? They dig that shit out. The point is, this wildly-patterned, red-hued beach shirt could save you from both cancer and the real-life re-enactment of this scene from Jaws.

The Shark Repellent Rash Guard provides UV protection of up to 50 SPF, helping to prevent skin from turning the same color as the shirt, and reducing the need for sunscreen application in hard-to-reach places. As for the part about deterring attacks from pit bulls of the sea, the rash guard's design supposedly mimics the appearance of the lion fish, a venomous swimmer that sharks, who evidently don't enjoy being poisoned any more than humans do, avoid eating. More importantly, even if you don't end up looking exactly like a lion fish, the hope is that you'll look decidedly not like a sea lion, a shark's favorite menu item, and one for which it sometimes mistakes two-legged land dwellers gallivanting through its waters.

Though I have no research to back the claim, I think the Shark Repellent Rash Guard will also protect wearers from Sharkinis. What?! Why would I want protection from a Sharkini? Well, what if it's an ugly Hammerhead Sharkini or, more probably, a Whale Sharkini. I'm not saying that's definitely what you'll need it for, just that it's good to be prepared.

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You Need More Than Balls: Top 10 Water Toys

Beach balls are classic and rectangular rafts still keep you afloat, but the creativity, tech, and fat wallets of today demand a little more of water-based entertainment. Here are my picks for the Top 10 Water Toys of...

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aRks 3D Printed Bikinis

aRks 3D has prototyped a series of 3D printed bikinis they call Coral. And I know what all the dudes out there are thinking: that's some Coral I'd sure like to come across in the ocean. In stark contrast what's running...

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Scorkl Handheld SCUBA Tank

$200 - $600 from Kickstarter »

Bite down on a Scorkl and you'll score 10 minutes of untethered underwater breathing. No snorkel confining you to a foot below the water's surface, and no loading up with a 35-pound SCUBA tank and BC like an aquatic pack...

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TRITON - Human Gills

Discontinued

TRITON, the human gills design concept I showed you dudes here 2 years ago (and which many of you had mucho to say about in our comments section) is running a crowdfunding campaign to actually produce the equpiment. TRITONs....

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The Wonder Cart Table & Beach Cart

$40.61 from Amazon »

Calling this beach gear cart and table combo The Wonder Cart might be a bit of an overstatement. Sure, it's handy to be able to use the carrier to schlep all your towels and floats to the perfect spot, and then flip it...

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Modpools - Shipping Container Swimming Pools

$26,900 from Modpools »

Rather the seal him inside a shipping container bound for Abu Dhabi, why not fill that shipping container with water and let Odie dog paddle around inside it with you this summer? Dig up a big hole in your backyard, and...

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Swim Desk

$1,999.99 from ThinkGeek »

While great for your joints I'm not so sure how good the Swim Desk is going to be for your computer and mobile phone. Definitely recommend keeping a vat of rice on hand while work-stroking at it. And also maybe an EMT...

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Sharkini Swimsuit

$120 from Bad Aby Designs »

Sharks are scary. Girls are scary. Gaaahhh! It's the worst hybrid ever! To all Dude Facebook readers who expressed sentiments of peeved off at our posting of a Sharkini photo without information about where to throw wads...

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DryPro Waterproof Cast Covers

$32.51 - $46.19 from Amazon »

I found out about these DryPro Waterproof Cast Covers in the weirdest place last night: an internet ad. Like, a mandatory streaming commercial break during some show She-Ra: Princess of Power was using her dad's cable...

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Folding Beach Chair & Roller Cart

$81.99 from Amazon »

This folding beach chair and roller cart has it all: room for your gear and room for your rear. Fishermen, beachgoers, and festival regulars can haul their blankets, coolers, and other outing necessities (i.e., fiber...

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Ameo Powerbreather

$149.99 from Amazon »

Somewhere between the decidedly unrealistic TRITON human gills and the somewhat limiting Easybreath, bob Ameo's series of high-performance snorkels, the Powerbreathers. These upgraded underwater oxygen channels are intended...

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Underwater Jetpack

Supermarinovation asks, "Have you ever been snorkelling and seen something incredible below you, but haven't been able to get to it before your breath runs out?" To which I say, "Sure." And follow up with, "And have you...