Vampire Slaying Kit
In some cases, an obsession has gone too far when someone ends up dead. In this case, the obsession is already dead, and you are simply protecting yourself from it, so don't let any of those self-righteous SOBs who think watching 11 hours of televised sports per week is perfectly sane, but your purchasing a vampire slaying kit is taking an obsession too far, belittle you for wanting this. The kit is housed in an antique wood box lined with hand-stained fabric, and each one's contents are unique in their design. Included are: 2 stained stakes and a leather mallet, all affixed with leather crosses; a stained and distressed wooden cross; a copy of the Bible; a set of rosary beads; and antique, hand-labeled bottles of holy water, holy oil, garlic powder, and mustard seeds. Huh? Mustard seeds? Since when are vampers offput by mustard? That has to be a rumor spread by Grey Poupon in a desperate attempt to move product in this downtrodden economy. In any case, the kit provides all of the necessary tools for warding off the undead, except, of course, the strength, agility, and wile to do so. Those skills come only from meticulous and repeated viewings of the Buffy box-set DVDs, which you, luckily, already own, and have playing on a constant loop anyway.