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Instant Home Marijuana Test Kit

By: on March 16, 2013
$7.27
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My company doesn't do drug testing because it recognizes that recreational weed use has far less of an impact on an employee's ability to perform well at work than, say, the office kegerator that gets tapped every Friday. However, I still might like to have an instant home marijuana test kit just to, you know, get high and see if I could beat it. I've been thinking I should set some goals, devise a new feat to conquer, anyway and this one appears to require an investment of less than $10. So, in an expertly replicated voice of the great Cosmo Kramer, I say, "Giiidyyy-up!"

Officially termed Instant Drug Screen Dip Card Tests, these pot detection sticks will use the power of your pee to verify whether or not you'll test positive for THC, much like the EPT uses the power of your girlfriend's pee to verify whether or not you'll test positive for 18 years of child support. Dip-and-reads function by identifying drug matabolites at specific cutoff levels in human urine, performing the feat with unwavering accuracy in under 5 minutes of painless effort on the user's part. Well, painless provided the user doesn't have poor aim and piss all over his hand, in which case, better get some ManHands Cannabis soap and clean that shit up, yo.

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Icky Stick Smooth Smoking Hand Pipe

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I don't like the Icky Stick just because I get a kick out of its branding schtick. I mean, that's the biggest reason, but so too am I interested in this hand pipe's claim that it has been "specially designed to provide...

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Grasshopper Vaporizer Pen

$99 - $145 from Grasshopper »

Ha! More proof that if pens wish to avoid extinction they better start bringing more to the table than a barrel full of ink! In fact, Grasshopper makes the biggest leap of all--the one I've been waiting for: it eliminates...

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vapRwear Smokable Hoodies

$99 from VapRwear »

Elvis "Papi" Edwards created the line of vapRwear smokable hoodies. Papi Edwards. Caribbean native. Colorado resident. Incredibly enterprising stoner. His vapRwear hoodies all have hookah-like drawstrings at their necks...

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Menorah Bong

$699.99 from 420 Science »

420 Science breaks it out only once a year, so if a 14" long, 8-bowled glass Grav Labs Menorah bong is what you've been foregoing 20 sacks and Gordita Supremes for since May, here's your chance to turn your pipe dream...

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The Breakfast Bowl - Cereal Bowl & Pipe

I found some new cereals for your Sunday brunch. They're called Special Kanga Kush and Lucky Choo Choo Charms. You can eat them from this glass breakfast bowl....

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Sun Token Solar Vaporizer Hybrid

$135 from Sun Token »

Wonder if my dermatologist would approve of this kind of baking in the sun. The Sun Token is a solar vaporizer hybrid. A handmade pipe with removable glass dome, it harnesses the sun's rays to to vape your herbs and mellow...

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The Frost Pipe - DIY a Pipe from Ice

$24.99 from Amazon »

This Frost Pipe isn't made of no corn cob, and it's not for kiddies building snowmen (or kiddies at all.) This Frost Pipe is a 3-piece freezer mold that lets you DIY your own pipe out of ice. What the Ice Luge is to drinkers...

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Star Wars Pipes

$55 - $69 from Etsy »

One good way to bring the Dark Side and the Light Side together is to get them all stoned. What, we're fighting? I'm trying to eradicate you from the galaxy? OK, well...why don't we order some deep dish pizzas...and a...

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The Aura Water Pipe

Sorry, hippies and artistic stoners. Now that marijuana is this close to mainstream acceptance, and not that much farther away from legalization, it's time for the techies and trendsters to move in and take over the conception...

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The Buckle Puffer

Discontinued

While my sense is that the types of people who would be in the market for a covert, authority-thwarting way to pack a pipe would not be the same types of people who would care to hold their pants up properly, I still...

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Wake 'n' Bake Coffee Mug

$49.95 from Amazon »

There are a ton of these wake 'n' bake mugs out there, but I went with the delightful navy blue one you see here because its marketing is genius. Coffee or tea alongside my morning tokes? Pssshhh, F that. Fill that pipe...

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Sherlock Holmes Vaporizer Pipe

You may consider the Holmes Pipe, a vaporizer twist on Detective Sherlock Holmes' iconic tobacco pipe, a sacrilege. A perversion of purity akin to turning the Houston football stadium into a Death Star for Super Bowl...