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Chia Trump

By: on July 05, 2016
$18.39
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You can also get a Chia Hillary Clinton, but I think that one looks more like Benjamin Franklin wearing a necklace.

As obligatory, it seems, as the impending November election is the corresponding onslaught of presidential candidate and political merchandise. Novelty items like the Chia Trump you see here. Pro / anti-gear in the form of T-shirts, hats, and bumper stickers. Some decidedly anti toilet paper. And, my new favorite, the somewhat ambiguous (for or against?) Donald Trump socks with real faux hair. For or against the Republican nominee, these could go either way.

You know how Chia Trump works. Cultivate him, water him, nurture him, and watch his green 'fro grow. It should reach full glory in 1 to 2 weeks. Chia Trump: Make Ahairica Great Again.

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Presidential Knife Fight: The Game

Let me just address 2 points about Presidential Knife Fight: The Game up front. 1) It's a card game, not some Mortal Kombat-Pokemon Go hybrid that lets you find and collect past American Presidents to duke it out with...

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They Live Alien Donald Trump Mask

Remember John Carpenter's They Live? If you weren't into aliens and kitschy (yet poignant!) social commentary in 1988, the film suggests that America's "rulers"--the rich, the powerful, the elite, the CEOs and politicians--are...

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Liberty Clip Money Stash Keychain

$14.97 from Amazon »

Once again, RattlerStrap has climbed out from the manufacturing masses, and developed a creative, distinguished contribution to the overpopulated world of survival gear (see paracord belt, fire-starting shoelaces). In...

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American President's Resolute Desk Replica

$7,995 from History Company »

Executives as distinguished and dominating in the business world as I am require a desk that mimics their persona. Grand and imposing, intricate and enamoring, a desk of presidential proportions. As in, one actually used...

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Patriots Being Badass Prints

$25 from Etsy »

These patriots heard the battle cry of Team America, and hollered back an even louder Fuck Yeah! From Paul Revere's Midnight Ride on a Tron Light Cycle to Abe Lincoln wielding an M16 and giddy-upping on a grizzly bear...

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Putin Riding a Bear Action Figure

$69.95 from Amazon »

Chuck Norris was like, "Uh, Vladimir Putin just asked if he could see my bear, and then hopped on and rode off on it," and Robert Kraft was like, "Yeah, join the club, dude! He did the same thing with my Super Bowl XXXIX...

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Tools of Titans

$16.80 from Amazon »

Despite having Time Ferriss' name attached to it, Tools of Titans does not try to teach you how to become a billionaire or major world player in 4 hours. (If you're not familiar, Ferriss wrote the bestselling The 4-hour...

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The Trump Coloring Book

$8.90 from Amazon »

Whether you're for or against him, MG Anthony has compiled thousands of black lines and white space that will set you up to "show The Donald in his true colors." And I have to say, The Trump Coloring Book does a pretty...

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Success by Trump Deodorant

$7 from Amazon »

Donald Trump thinks you stink. Particularly if you're: Barack Obama; Hillary Clinton; George W. Bush; Carly Fiorina; Megyn Kelly; any other journalist; any other woman; disabled; Jeff Bezos; an immigrant; a Democrat;...

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Presidential Monster Action Figures

$24.99 - $37.99 from Amazon »

Just one question: how did Romney as the Ronmy make it into this set of Presidential Monster Action Figures? Some wishful thinker jump the gun on production? Because if we're throwing in any old yayhoo just for running...

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Breaking Bad - Heisenberg Pinkman 2012

$29.99 from Skreened »

Breaking Bad fans, your 2012 Election T-shirts are hot off the silk screener. No further explanation needed. Everyone else: yeah, yeah, so Heisenberg and Pinkman make meth. If you believe the conspiracy theorists, the...

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The Hillary Nutcracker

$24.95 from Amazon »

Our current Secretary of State and former First Lady certainly has her hands full these days. Fortunately her legs are free. And what better way to set them to purpose than busting nuts. Er... cracking balls. Wait...