Household

The Balvenie Reclaimed Whiskey Barrel Bar Cart

$3,900 from Todd Snyder »

Nevermind that Mats Christeen is an artisan furniture craftsman capable of transforming reclaimed Balvenie whiskey barrels into the Balvenie Bar Cart you see here. Dude is also a former NHL draft pick and pro hockey player...

Offencils Profanity Pencils (NSFW)

$14.99 from Amazon »

Offencils profanity pencils are like the Daniel Tosh of insulting writing tools. They say it, they own it, and if you're offended, well...you're probably a scat-sucking twat face anyway. And, also like Tosh, if you can...

Kleenex-Munching Cat Tissue Box Cover

$21 from Amazon »

Nevermind your tongue, cat got your Kleenex? Here's hoping he's feeling generous once flu season hits...

Eisberg Mountain Wine Decanter

$38.99 from Amazon »

The Eisberg wine decanter represents an interesting metaphor. With its snowcapped mountain rising out of the base of the aerating chamber, a decanter filled with your 2008 Cab puts you at the summit of your climb. Which...

2019 Dragon Sex Wall Calendar

$19.99 from Amazon »

It seems I've been neglectful in my dragon sex updates, missing 3 years' worth of Dragon Sex Wall Calendar releases! These pages haven't seen any good dragon sex since Kelsey Todd's 2015 edition of the hottest date tracker...

Bones the English Butler Cocktail Table

$211.14 from Amazon »

Have a seat. Take a load off. Rest your weary bones, and let this happy bag of bones bring you a drink. With Bones the English Butler it's always service with a smile...

Sprout Plantable Graphite Pencils

$14.95 from Amazon »

It might not be the requisite #2, but using a Sprout Pencil will still help you ace at least one exam: the one that challenges you to grow some basil or forget-me-nots out of your graphite pencil...

The Journey Pipe

$29.99 - $59.99 from The Journey Pipe »

The road is long, but the journey is...totally chill with a nice fat bowl packed into your Journey Pipe...

Miso Muddler

$17.80 from Amazon »

Miso thick. Miso lumpy. Miso in need of a Miso Muddler. You can use this double-ended, globe-shaped take on a whisk the same as you would your standard issues, to beat eggs and mix up salad dressings, but UchiCook has...

Skullduggery Skeleton Toilet Brush

$25.77 from Amazon »

I wonder what this skull did while he was living to get the sentence of cleaning toilets in his afterlife. Probably went over to his buddy's place and made a beeline for the bathroom after downing a wad of sausages with...

Pirate Ship Party Bucket

$129 from Pottery Barn »

I'm not gonna do it. I'll look at the Pirate Ship Party Bucket, and I'll tell you about the Pirate Ship Party Bucket, but I'm not gonna...arrrgghhh! Shiver me timbers, it's just too harrrgghhhd not to! This ice chest...

ZipStitch - Close Wounds Without Stitches

$29.99 from ZipStitch »

If I had a gaping laceration on my leg, and someone handed me a ZipStitch kit and told me my options were to treat myself for free, or go to the hospital and spend $500 on stitches, I'm pretty sure I'd pick...passing...

MOFO Pole Tool-Free TV Mount & Stand

$649 from Amazon »

MOFO says, "Put it anywhere you like...in under 2 minutes." Whoa. Now that's a MOFO...

Wine Chiller Stick with Pour Spout

$9.99 from Amazon »

My wife was nagging that I didn't put any white wine in the fridge like she asked me to so I told her to take this wine chiller stick and shove it up her Pinot Gris...

Cloud Chandelier

$139.99 - $316.99 from Amazon »

It's like sunshine on a cloudy day. Well, as close to sunshine as a warm yellow lightbulb can get anyway. And when you give one of these charming cloud chandeliers as a gift to your girlfriend, you should definitely tell...

Real Scientific Humulus Oil - Hops-Based CBD Oil

Real Scientific Humulus Oil, or RSHO-K, is CBD oil's attempt to bring relief without the leaf. It's the first (and currently only) CBD oil supplement that isn't derived from the cannabis plant, and has never been in a...

Geometric Cake Molds

$43 - $80 from Dinara Kasko »

Just the silicone mold, not the cake. Sorry. Elbow grease and above-average baking skills required to hover your fork and knife over one of Dinara Kasko's geometric masterpieces...

Tatanka Custom Handmade Kitchen Knife Set

$1,375 from Etsy »

If you're buying these Tatanka Custom Kitchen Knives as a gift, I hope their recipient appreciates the effort and skill knife maker Tom Nelson is going to put into collaborating with you, and handcrafting a set of culinary...

3D Fireworks Light Bulbs

$11.99 - $14.99 from Amazon »

Halloween, Christmas, New Year's, the 4th of July, birthday parties, Netflix & chill...these 3D fireworks light bulbs would make delightful decor for pretty much every holiday and special occasion...

Door Bull Door Barricade Security Device

$59.49 from Amazon »

The Door Bull adds an additional layer of security to your home, reinforcing locked doors at their frame, and creating a barricade much stronger than your lock and bolt alone. Installed on either side of an inward-opening...

Walk The Plank Mouse Trap

$14.27 from Amazon »

Heh, this Walk the Plank Mouse Trap looks like something out of the game Mouse Trap I used to play when I was a kid. Works about the same too: clip the trap over a 5-gallon bucket, and set up ramp. Your choice on ramp...

Feed Me: 50 Home Cooked Meals for Your Dog

$19.46 from Amazon »

50 Home Cooked Meals for Your Dog?! How about Feed Me: 50 Home Cooked Meals for Your Husband? I've seen dogs dig gristle out of the trash. I've seen dogs lick smeared PB&J and Filet-O-Fish sandwiches off the ground at...

Aerospace Grade Oligodynamic Copper Mega Sphere

$249 from Amazon »

The Aerospace Grade Oligodynamic Copper Mega Sphere! It's your new secret weapon, shined up all bright like a retina-damaging laser, and ready to take over the world of sick office decor! Display it on your desktop, right...

X-Acto Basic Knife Set

$16.49 - $19.76 from Amazon »

You'll never be without X-Actly the right X-Acto with this complete set of the company's basic knives and blades. A no-fail gift for Dad (or gift for Mom if she's a crafty mama...or a Dexter mama) the X-Acto set comes...