80

Shut Up Tape

By: on October 22, 2012
$12.38
Check It Out

Termed "66 meters of absolute silence" the Shut Up Tape is made in France, apparently by people who speak English, and probably by people who have these types of antagonistic thoughts about Americans regularly. Which is sad because Americans are such a tolerant and peaceful lot who never have anything incendiary to say about the stuck up, deodorant-shunning French.

The problem with Shut Up Tape is that it's counterintuitive. Because "Shut up" is a command that the person applying the tape would presumably utter to the person to whose mouth it is being applied, after which point the taped mouth A) would no longer be able to see the message and B) would appear to be communicating the sentiment to others. Either nonsensically, ironically, or indignantly--as in, "Yeah, I know I look like an SOL asshole...shut up. Or I suppose in this gagged-and-bound context "Shut up" could also be construed as a past tense passive voice proclamation. As in, "I have been shut up, and now I sit silently with a wad of packing tape encircling my body."

Honestly, I have no idea what this tape might be legitimately useful for, I just think the photo of the skinny blond dude wrapped up in it is kind of funny, and it reminds me of a Quentin Tarantino movie.

Buy Now

Cereal Killer Bowl

$24 from Amazon »

Decimate the Froot Loops, eradicate the Frosted Flakes, eliminate all traces of Trix with the Cereal Killer Bowl. Those Charms may be Lucky before the box is opened, but once once they hit your Dexter-approved bowl, it's...

Buy Now

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

$8.55 from Amazon »

A must-read for every cat parent! How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives consolidates 8 crucial public service pamphlets into a clear...

Check it out

School of Hard Blocks - Alphabet Blocks for Adults

The School of Hard Blocks is a set of 12 alphabet blocks modeled after the traditional wood children's blocks, but made of concrete. And made for adults who need to learn, ponder, or build up their own ABCs. Adultery....

Buy Now

Faking It: How to Seem Like a Better Person

$11.66 from Amazon »

...Without Actually Improving Yourself. As a self-help book, Faking It adds a delightful twist: you don't have to journal or meditate or talk about your feelings or change at all to help yourself. You just have to perfect...

Check it out

Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

Buy Now

Boob Cube

$9.50 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

Check it out

Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

Buy Now

The Complaint Department Grenade Sign

$9.99 from Amazon »

When I saw this "Complaint Department" sign with a "Please take a number" directive pointing right at the pin of a grenade, I first assumed it was meant for the office. I know my boss would sure like to have one....

Check it out

Nimuno Loops LEGO Compatible Adhesive Tape

$11 - $50 from indiegogo »

LEGO my Eggo. Really. Stick a strip of Nimuno Loops LEGO-compatible adhesive tape on your frozen waffle box, or maybe the plate you're serving them on, and go to LEGO town building a fortress none shall pass as you eat...

Buy Now

Do Your Park Magnets

$12 from Amazon »

We've seen the mostly innocuous You Suck at Parking business cards. And also the more permanent, and thereby more controversial, I Park Like an Idiot bumper stickers. Here we have a midpoint between the two: a-hole parking...

Check it out

What Do You Meme? Game

Elliot Tebele, overlord of the famed Instagram account Fuckjerry, has made a pretty natural transition with What Do You Meme? His images and commentary translate seamlessly from work day slacking reading material on the...

Buy Now

A is for Anus: The Alphabet (For Adults)

$9.99 from Amazon »

This alphabet isn't adult just because A is for Anus, but also because of the accompanying anatomical representation author Max Willy has selected to make sure everyone knows what an anus is. Stick out your pointer finger...