Hail Protector for Automobiles

By: on March 12, 2013
$312 - $412
Check It Out

"Are you tired of being a victim of hail and living in fear of hail damage?" That's, no joke, Hail Protector's opening line. I think they stole their copy from a domestic violence Website. Let's see what else: "...pounding down"; "...rain of terror"; "...permanent marks"; "...don't drive a beater". Yep, definitely plagiarized. Come on, guys, there's no need to turn to a .org to help with product marketing--just look at the Hail Protector. That thing sells itself.

Powered either by AA batteries, a cigarette lighter, or AC outlet, the Hail Protector sheet drapes over cars, trucks, and SUVs and, via remote control, inflates to a weather-combatting cloud cushion in minutes. It's rated to reduce or eliminate entirely vehicular damage caused by hail up to the size of softballs. In addition, the cover has UV- and water-resistant properties, as well as maintains breathability to prevent moisture and heat buildup.

Hail Protectors also come with a free lifetime subscription to a National Weather Service-based app that will warn owners 30 to 60 minutes ahead of time when hail is near.

I do have one question: who exactly is meant to lumber outside in inclement conditions conducive to hail, drape this unwieldy monstrosity over the vehicle, and inflate it? The Hail Defender fairy? This crazy SOB? Must be because my ass sure as sho' 'nuff won't be jumping to do some manual labor with Zeus & Co. up there readying to drive golf balls out of the sky. And the thought of incorporating Hail Shield application into my daily parking routine...dude, I can't even make my bed in the morning. People who aren't resistant to all forms of finger-lifting, though...enjoy.

Hail Protector runs as an Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign through May 2, 2013. Pledge levels are based on size of car/SUV.

Check it out

SALT Self-Defense Gun

$299.99 - $349.99 from Salt Supply »

Lorenzo Maggiore already figured out how to A-Salt bugs in an effort keep our extermination of insects simple, clean, and green. Now we have a means of SALTing humans, this time in an effort to keep our defense against...

Buy Now

Fast Strike Self Defense Weapon

$22.95 from Amazon »

It's called Fast Strike and - whirwhack! - it's gonna sting. The non-lethal self defense weapon looks like the antenna on the cordless phone my family had growing up. Which, coincidentally, also kinda hurt when someone...

Check it out

Life Armor Disaster Shelter

$5k from Seikoh »

The recent, tragic path of Hurricane Sandy reminds us that disaster planning shouldn't just be relegated to theoretical discussions and jokes about Zombie Apocalypses. Seikoh's Life Armor Disaster Shelter can accommodate...

Check it out

ZORE X Smart Gun Lock

$95 - $169 from ZORE »

A couple years ago we saw Armatix's attempt to smarten up gun safety with a system that pairs your firearm with a digital watch, allowing the former to shoot only when it is within range of the latter. ZORE has a different...

Check it out

In Case Of Cabinets

$200 from In Case Of »

In case of a zombie, vampire, werewolf, or demon emergency take this tiny sledgehammer, break the glass, and prepare to fight for your life. Or run like a girl while tossing Holy Water over your shoulder. In Case Of cabinets...

Check it out

Rain Shield

A 2012 red dot award winner for design concept, Lin Min-Wei and Liu Li-Hsiang's Rain Shield could make carrying an umbrella 1) somewhat stylish and 2) more than an exercise in futility. Its shield-like construction uses...

Check it out

The Espire Gas Mask

Carlos Schreib created the Espire respirator for professional varnishers and chemical engineers who don't want to work with a heavy filter over their mouth or walk around the office looking like an evil steampunk doktor....

Buy Now

Go Guarded Self Defense Ring

$15.99 from Amazon »

I bought my girlfriend, She-Ra: Princess of Power, a purple Brutus the Bulldog keychain to serve as her attacker ass-kicking assistant, but I'll admit when it arrived, it turned out to be a lot bigger and clunkier that...

Check it out

TigerLady Self-Defense Claw

$29 from TigerLady »

Remember that old Secret deodorant commercial? Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman? I'd put TigerLady in that same category. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman...to slash, gouge, and rip apart any...

Buy Now

Rhino Shield for Smartphones

$24.99 from Amazon »

Although the aesthetics of the shattered screen look are starting to grow on me, I do prefer the functionality of smartphones whose parts are intact. And the very nature of touchscreens--that to work as intended they...

Check it out

Tempo Drop Weather Forecaster

$79 - $94 from GNR 8 »

Tempo Drop is a stylized version of storm glass. Or if, like me, you don't know what the Orville Redenbacher a storm glass is either, then the Tempo Drop is a stylized weather forecaster. The sealed glass container holds...

Buy Now

Freetoo Outdoor Gloves

$12.98 - $21.68 from Amazon »

Men, what can you do with Freetoo's outdoor gloves? An Amazon reviewer says, "I threw several heavy punches at a tree in my yard. And no it didn't feel good on my hand but it didn't damage it at all. If you punch someone...