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Hail Protector for Automobiles

By: on March 12, 2013
$312 - $412
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"Are you tired of being a victim of hail and living in fear of hail damage?" That's, no joke, Hail Protector's opening line. I think they stole their copy from a domestic violence Website. Let's see what else: "...pounding down"; "...rain of terror"; "...permanent marks"; "...don't drive a beater". Yep, definitely plagiarized. Come on, guys, there's no need to turn to a .org to help with product marketing--just look at the Hail Protector. That thing sells itself.

Powered either by AA batteries, a cigarette lighter, or AC outlet, the Hail Protector sheet drapes over cars, trucks, and SUVs and, via remote control, inflates to a weather-combatting cloud cushion in minutes. It's rated to reduce or eliminate entirely vehicular damage caused by hail up to the size of softballs. In addition, the cover has UV- and water-resistant properties, as well as maintains breathability to prevent moisture and heat buildup.

Hail Protectors also come with a free lifetime subscription to a National Weather Service-based app that will warn owners 30 to 60 minutes ahead of time when hail is near.

I do have one question: who exactly is meant to lumber outside in inclement conditions conducive to hail, drape this unwieldy monstrosity over the vehicle, and inflate it? The Hail Defender fairy? This crazy SOB? Must be because my ass sure as sho' 'nuff won't be jumping to do some manual labor with Zeus & Co. up there readying to drive golf balls out of the sky. And the thought of incorporating Hail Shield application into my daily parking routine...dude, I can't even make my bed in the morning. People who aren't resistant to all forms of finger-lifting, though...enjoy.

Hail Protector runs as an Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign through May 2, 2013. Pledge levels are based on size of car/SUV.

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