Dragon's Blood Medicinal Tree Sap

By: on July 11, 2016
Sold Out from
Check It Out

The Croton lechleri bleeds to save you from cuts, bacteria, acne, wrinkles, and receding gums. At least if you believe the loooong list of indications that come with each bottle of Dragon's Blood. Dragon's Blood is a striking red resin or sap obtainable from a few different plant species that has long been used in traditional Chinese medicine as an anti-fungal, anti-microbial, anti-bacterial treatment for everything from open wounds and bites to GI issues. This bottled version contains 100% raw Croton lechleri tree sap.

Reviews of the product are very positive, particularly reports of using Dragon's Blood as a natural remedy for cuts and scrapes, and for oral health. Some say it heals wounds 4 times faster, though faster than what, I'm not sure. Manmade antibiotics? The body on its own? Mayonnaise? And those who brush or swish with it report hyper-clean teeth and much healthier gums.

Confession: I bought some Dragon's Blood a few weeks ago. Because my dentist keeps telling me I brush too hard and am F'ing up my gums. I thought this might be a way to repair them without changing my behavior. But I'll never know because what Dragon's Blood tastes like is Dragon's Poison Stomach Bile. I was able to put that foulness in my mouth exactly one time. Holy crap is it awful. Other people complain about the smell, but the bottle I got smells like nothing. And tastes like karma for every wrong I've ever committed in my whole life.

So now my girlfriend mixes it in with her moisturizer and lathers it on her face to tighten her skin and fight wrinkles. I'll let you know in 10 years how that worked out.

I will say one cool thing about the sap itself is that it comes out of the bottle exactly as you see in the photos. Red and runny. But if you squeeze a few drops into your palm and then swirl it around with your finger it lightens to a white-gray color and also thickens into a paste that makes it very easy, and not messy, to apply to mosquito bites or cat scratches or eczema.

More issues and maladies they say Dragon's Blood can alleviate, combat, or support:

  • Hemorrhoids
  • Athlete's foot and other fungal infections
  • Herpes outbreaks
  • Scarring
  • Digestion (when ingested)
  • Diarrhea (when ingested)
  • Protect bodily organs from external radiation (when ingested)
Check it out

Amabrush 10-Second Automatic Toothbrush

$90 - $113 from Amabrush »

Amabrush says it's the World's First Automatic Toothbrush, but watching the demo video makes me think it's just the first time someone thought to cross a Blizzident with a vibrator....

Check it out

Blizzident - 6-Second Toothbrush

$199 from Blizzdent »

It looks like someone put the inside of a sea urchin on the inside of a mouthpiece, but if Blizzident really works, I wouldn't care if it looked like one of the McPoyle brothers' armpits. I'll be able to brush my teeth--and...

Buy Now

My Shiney Hiney Brush Set

$16.88 - $19.98 from Amazon »

Well. I wouldn't argue it isn't dirty. I'm just not sure I care enough to go to the lengths required to make my hiney shiney. I think this cleansing brush set for the bunghole is geared towards women anyway, judging by...

Buy Now

Spare Me 5-in-1 Auto Rescue Tool

$24.95 from Amazon »

Taking the basic shape of a snow and ice scraper, the Spare Me Auto Rescue Tool extends its scraper's head into an arced body, and adds several rows of traction-ready teeth on top to multiply the car companion's skills...

Buy Now

Toe Separator Socks for Alignment & Relief

$4.49 from Amazon »

Mmm, spread those sexy toes wide! Not just for my benefit, but for your own. Whether you're into yoga, promoting blood circulation and relieving foot pain after a workout, or slowing down the growth of your bunion, the...

Buy Now

Prescription Bottle TimerCap

$19.95 from Amazon »

TimerCaps call themselves "one simple change, that changes everything." And indeed the replacement caps for prescription bottles are clever, and a potential fairy godmother, on a couple of levels....

Check it out

Down There Repair

$15.95 from Sam's Natural »

Application of Sam's Natural Down There Repair fixes two major male discomforts and social embarrassments: chafed crotch and smelly crotch. It can also be used preventatively, thwarting these afflictions from striking...

Buy Now

AquaDance Drencher Showerhead

Sold Out from Amazon »

No, I am not showing you the AquaDance Drencher 3-setting 8" curved rainfall showerhead with waterfall mode just because it looks like a vagina....

Buy Now

Titanium Toothpick

$15.90 - $17.95 from Amazon »

What can you do with a titanium toothpick? Why, dig out that bit of popcorn embedded in your molar as you leave a midnight showing of The Shining, and then...stab the eyes out! of the mugger who waits for dazed victims...

Buy Now

Neti Pot Sinus Cleaner

$12.82 from Amazon »

The first time someone told me about Neti Pots I thought they sounded like some new age hippie yoga naturopath weirdness. And also kind of gross. Seeing a Neti Pot in person only solidified this belief. Then I tried one....

Buy Now

Buzzy Pain Blocker

$39.95 from Amazon »

Buzzy helps relieve the pain of shots, lab draws, bee stings, burns, burning medicines, Band-Aid rip-offs, and tattoos. Tattoos? Really? I mean, I can get behind a vibrating ice pack fashioned in the likeness of a bumblebee...

Buy Now

ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel

$9.99 from Amazon »

I didn't have enough room in the title to add "...for Man Parts." Do you think it would be too offensive to give a bottle of ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel to this guy I know at work as an Anonymous Santa gift?...