V Toaster & Knife
/v-toaster-knife-6942.jpg "V Toaster & Knife")
- Virgin Mary Toaster - $29.95
- Caprica Graystone Toaster - $89.99
- Black Stainless Steel PBJ Bagel Knife - $12.99
- Domo Toaster - $39.99
- Double Ended Grapefruit Knife - $5.49
I don't really need a V-shaped toaster and accompanying knife to facilitate PB&J assembly and consumption--my mama makes mine. Crunchy Peter Pan, seedless strawberry jam, two slices of pumpernickel (shut up, it's delicious), crusts removed, cut on the diagonal. But those less maternally fortunate than I may find Zlil Lazarovich's angle iron toast concept and knife split to prevent jam encroachment into the butter/peanut butter tub charmingly seductive. No more jagged edges during folding--for proof, check out the captivating video of Lazarovich clamping shut a piece of dressed toast. And no more double dipping or, worse, wasting an additional 5 to 8 seconds cleansing the knife in between spreads. Its two branches even have different textures to match their intended recipient's consistency and preclude cross-contamination from use to use.
/xbox-series-s-toaster-62293.jpg?mode=crop "Xbox Series S Toaster")
Xbox Series S Toaster
The PS5 might have been the gift to get for Christmas 2023, but those who have real bread in 2024 are buying the Xbox Series S...Toaster...
/freshly-baked-muscular-bear-61642.jpg?mode=crop "Freshly Baked Muscular Bear Bread")
Freshly Baked Muscular Bear Bread
I don't know which sounds worse: eating a bear; or eating a bear that's so jacked with muscles its flesh cooks all tough and rubbery. What's that? Try it raw? ... Uh, no. Cat sushi, maybe, but I draw the line at bear...
/the-peanut-butter-pump-37241.jpg?mode=crop "The Peanut Butter Pump")
The Peanut Butter Pump
Peanut butter that's unspreadable, or tears apart my sammich bread / crumbles my cracker during application isn't that big of a problem in my life. I mostly eat it by the spoonful, or pointer fingerful, out of the jar...
Darth Vader Toaster
Big Bad Toy Store says nothing--nothing!--about its forthcoming breakfast game changer, the Darth Vader Toaster, except this:...
Breakfast Sandwich Maestro
5 minutes to a breakfast sandwich. No drive-thru on earth can beat that...mainly because of the whole leaving the house and driving to the drive-thru portion of the equation. Otherwise I guess most of them could. If there...
Peanut Butter Cup Cake
A gargantuan mail-order Peanut Butter Cup Cake, stacked with double layers of rich chocolate devil's food hugging real peanut butter filling, and then drowned in a dark chocolate shell, is the reason acronyms like OMFG...
Rotimatic Indian Bread Maker
I'm still not even sure what the hell roti is. I thought Indian bread was either naan (mmmmm, chewy) or papadums (mmmmm, crunchy). What's this third formation of dough throwing a wrench into my narrow culinary view of...
/microwave-toaster-60721.jpg?mode=crop "Microwave Toaster")
Microwave Toaster
Confession: I do not own a toaster. Nor do I want to own a toaster. On average, I feel the need to toast bread about 3 times a year. Which is crazy, because I love toasted bread. I order it when I go out to breakfast...
Electric Nut Butter Maker
To illustrate what awaits future owners of a Nut Butter Maker (i.e., my mama), I have included photos of some of the pulverized-peanut-themed treats I would like to have made for me. From left to right, they include:...
/bacon-express-crispy-bacon-25681.jpg "Bacon Express Crispy Bacon Grill")
Bacon Express Crispy Bacon Grill
Whole wheat in the toaster, bacon in the...other toaster, a yank of the iceberg, a slice of the tomato, and mmmm. BLTeee-licious. Without turning on the stove or getting popped in the eye with a grease BB...
/mini-nutella-jars-21616.jpg "Mini Nutella Jars")
Mini Nutella Jars
Finally I can justify eating an entire jar of Nutella. The only problem is that these mini glass bottles of the creamerrific hazelnut spread come in packs of 16. So it's going to be like me and a bag of fun-size snickers:...
/encyclopedia-of-sandwiches-55323.jpg?mode=crop "Encyclopedia of Sandwiches Poster")
Encyclopedia of Sandwiches Poster
An Encyclopedia of Sandwiches Poster, now that's a great way to ensure you know exactly what kind of sandwich you're eating whenever you eat a sandwich. And also to ensure you're always eating a sandwich, because who...