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The Hillary Nutcracker

By: on December 30, 2011
  • The Hillary Nutcracker
  • The Hillary Nutcracker
$22.75
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Our current Secretary of State and former First Lady certainly has her hands full these days. Fortunately her legs are free. And what better way to set them to purpose than busting nuts. Er... cracking balls. Wait... cracking nuts.

The Hillary nutcracker stands 9 inches tall and actually does a pretty decent job of cracking nuts if you're actually buying it for that purpose.

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The PistachiOpener

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Munching on pistachios is my jam. Cracking open the shells, watching them pile up into a mountain of accomplished noshing. It's a fine way to spend a Saturday afternoon. But doing it can really leave an impression. A...

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Chia Trump

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Naomi Spring Nutcracker

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Naomi is like one of those girls who is incredibly hot and arousing, but also kind of stony and completely unapproachable. Dare speak to her, or even look at her for one beat too long, and she'll crush your nuts like...

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The Trump Coloring Book

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Whether you're for or against him, MG Anthony has compiled thousands of black lines and white space that will set you up to "show The Donald in his true colors." And I have to say, The Trump Coloring Book does a pretty...

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Star Wars TIE Fighter Nutcracker

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TIE Fighters may be fragile, but they're strong enough to crush your nuts. Rebel pecans, Jedi almonds, your only escape now is through my GI tract!...