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Kitchen

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Monday, July 22, 2013
$14.95 - $59.95 from CeramiPro »

The way it usually goes with knives is that they either cost a lot or they suck. (Note: both varieties seem to be equally capable of gashing through my finger such that I require stitches and a tetanus shot.) CeramiPro's Phantom...

Monday, June 3, 2013
By: Behance

One of the first things you learn at Carulla Cooking School in Bogota, Colombia is how to use a knife. That's after you learn one of the first things you learn in Bogota, Colombia, which is how to use a gun (and where to buy...

Friday, March 8, 2013
$12.99 from Amazon »

This idea of hanging strips of pork candy on the Makin' Bacon microwave rack seems preferable to my grandma's method of pounding cooked pieces between an entire roll of paper towels. No speck of grease goes unabsorbed! She did the same thing with slices of pizza. I'm sure Reader's Digest told her it removes 100 calories per serving....

Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Discontinued

Lionel Richie is one of those weird celebrities like Demi Moore and Kate Winselt who kind of starts looking better as he gets older. See: Lionel Richie circa 1983. And: Lionel Richie now. His songs, of course, have always...

Sunday, July 21, 2013
$19.95 from Amazon »

Point 1: Crafting traditional sushi rolls requires the finesse and fine motor skills of a surgeon. Point 2: Compact 3D squares of food look way cooler and more Willy Wonka magical than squat cylinders of it. Ergo: Bring on...

Tuesday, January 8, 2013
$12 from Amazon »

True apple addicts don't have time to slough off the forbidden fruit's skin one strip at a time with a handheld peeler or their fingernails. And while other crank peelers technically get the job done expediently, their clunky, heavy metal presentation, tendency to remove half of the apple's flesh along with its skin, and creepy resemblance to a torture device from a Kafka novel make their acquisition...

Wednesday, November 7, 2012
$3.99 - $19.99 from Cafe Press »

Zach Golden's cookbook What the F*@# Should I Make for Dinner has spawned a culinary F-bomb phenomenon. Now the word "Fuck" is being inserted with reckless abandon into otherwise perfunctory statements about grocery runs...

Wednesday, April 24, 2013
$222.19 from Amazon »

The potatoes spilling out of this ribbon fry cutter look delicious. For $100 I would eat them raw. I might also eat them raw if I were sure no one was watching. Easy to load, easy to retract and reload, I know once I start...

Friday, August 9, 2013
$84.95 from Amazon »

Anyone who names all of their kids "George" obviously has one-track sensibilities and a one-note personality. He might be able to push Foreman Grills as a convenient tabletop producer of tasty sandwiches, but he could never...

Wednesday, August 14, 2013
$99 from Baking Steel »

The Modernist Cuisine Baking Steel, a heat-sucking slab of metal for home ovens, stovetops, and grills, deems itself virtually indestructible and swears it will never shatter or crack. Funny, because I guarantee the exact...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013
$7.88 from Amazon »

LEGO Minifigure ice cubes and chocolates: cool. But how about LEGO Minifigure pads of butter? LEGO Minifigure Jell-O shots? LEGO Minifigure frozen Pedialyte for sick kiddos? The possibilities for transcending all previous...

Tuesday, August 13, 2013
$44.31 from Amazon »

Get ready for ZERO!...GRAVITY!...SPICES! The cinnamon that used to consume 1 square inch in your cupboard? Now it hangs mightily in mid-air. The oregano? The thyme? The herbes de Provence? All haul out their death grip and...

Thursday, August 11, 2011
$159 from Amazon »

You can't stab your ex for real. Well, you can, and some do, but our jails are really getting crowded. So use this instead. It has the additional benefit of keeping your knife situation tidy. It also comes with 5 new weapons...

Saturday, September 14, 2013
$7.99 - $14.95 from Bit@h Cooks »

I could never match skills, and for once am not even going to try to match wits, with Jason Bailin. Bailin is a man who endeavors to transplant other men from Chinese takeout vestibules to the kitchen by way of tough love...

Thursday, January 31, 2013
$16.95 from Williams Sonoma »

Can I get one of those avocados along with the cuber? The ones I pick out always have a grisly tinge and surprise-mid-bite mushy brown spots. Or they're not ripe at all and taste like a bar of soap. Yeah, Mom, I know I used...

Friday, October 4, 2013
$25.99 from Amazon »

Waffle egg sandwich with bacon and cheddar. Waffle ice cream sandwich with Brownie Heath Bar Crunch and Mint Chocolate Chip. Waffle projectile with wells full of mustard and Sriracha. So many possibilities now possible with...

Thursday, April 19, 2012
$30 from »

Ain't nothing like a dose of psychosocial commentary with the morning OJ. According to this dogmatic little glass, I can't always get what I want (obviously, or else the Stones would have stopped touring 20 years ago) but...

Friday, March 16, 2012
By: Quirky

Like stackable soap, AutoStir self-stirring microwave dish is a rather elegant solution to an age-old perturbance--in this case, the uneven distribution of heat during nuking. How many times have you seared off a few layers...

Tuesday, July 31, 2012
$37.95 from Amazon »

And when not using it to slash through pepperoni and mozzerella, you can also carry the Big Bad Pizza Wheel as a self-defense weapon, or dangle it from the ceiling to practice your most excellently dangerous one-handed rings...

Monday, October 3, 2011
$12.95 from Amazon »

Cancer is still a problem, but some damn genius has finally solved the problem of spilling coffee all over the place all of the time. It seems like your arm would get tired having to constantly spin this thing around your...

Saturday, May 4, 2013
$93 - $113 from Kickstarter »

Mmm, pirate pancakes. Booty to pad your booty. Yeah I know. That was lame. Cut me some slack, though. You don't know what I was up to last night. No. No it didn't involve Diablo III and a 24-pack of Duff Beer....

Thursday, August 9, 2012
$85 from Best Made »

A trio of Japanese knives by Tosa Kajiyamura for all the chefs and sharp object enthusiasts out there. Sold separately for $85 apiece, the three blades enjoy a rich history dating back to the early Edo period in 17th century...

Thursday, December 6, 2012
$8.36 from Amazon »

Rum & Coke on the rocks? Yawn. You gotta HP-Lovecraft-mythical-sea-creature-things up every once in a while. Make it The Kraken Black Spiced Caribbean Rum & Coke on...more Kraken! Fred & Friends' Coolamari octopus ice cube...

Wednesday, September 4, 2013
$15.20 from Amazon »

A set of Gandalf vs. Saruman salt & pepper shakers solidifies it: salt is evil, pepper is good. Makes sense. Salt can curse us with high blood pressure resulting in an increased risk of heart disease and stroke. The worst...

Tuesday, April 16, 2013
$19 from Amazon »

It's not that quesadillas are hard to make on the stovetop or in the oven, it's that one typically craves a quesadilla when one is not fit to operate the stovetop or the oven. With minimal risk of administering second degree...

Monday, December 19, 2011
$3,500 from Chef Stack »

Now this is a pancake machine Henry Ford would appreciate. It's almost akin to something you'd see Homer lying down in front of with his mouth open wide as the Chef Stack Pancake Machine pumps endless pancakes into his mouth...

Tuesday, May 28, 2013
$106.73 from Amazon »

Percolator is just an elitist way of saying thing that forces liquid into one end of a solid, such as coffee or tea, and out the other as a way of steeping it. But Bialetti probably felt it sounded more sophisticated and legit...

Saturday, April 27, 2013
$8.09 from Amazon »

Chef'n decided one banana slicer more popular for its witty Amazon reviews than the function it serves wasn't enough for the world. Or maybe they were worried Hutzler's model was on the verge of becoming a monopoly. Or maybe...

Friday, September 23, 2011
$119.95 from Amazon »

All black and 8.5 inches from tip to tang... once you use this black instrument, you'll never go back to another. My wife has been begging me for one of these. I'm hesitant to oblige her for many reasons......

Saturday, January 21, 2012
$21.95 from Home Wet Bar »

This self-aerator eliminates the need to decant or let your wine rest after corking it, and the included wine glass eliminates the need to chug it straight from the bottle. Pour your cellar's best burgundy or zin into the...

Friday, February 3, 2012
$2,200 from Urban Cultivator »

No more excuses for not chewing, blending, juicing, or otherwise ingesting your greens. The Kitchen Cultivator is an all in one indoor home garden about the size--and four times the price--of the beer fridge every man would...

Wednesday, June 5, 2013
$57.10 from Amazon »

One time I went to Chile and while others gaped at the glaciers of Patagonia and marveled at the volcanos of the Lake District, I ate empanadas. While they trekked the rolling green hills of fourth-generation farms and strolled...

Sunday, October 13, 2013
$109.95 from Amazon »

This gift from the heavens cooks a Belgian waffle and an omelet simultaneously. Concurrently. At the same fucking time. Do I even need to say triple-decker waffle omelet sandwich? Do I need to say anything else at all?...

Wednesday, May 1, 2013
$14.95 from Williams Sonoma »

Nevermind the meat shredders in the photos, I think I'd pay $14.95 just for a bite of that meat. What is it, pulled pork? Yeah, it's gotta be pork. Nothing but a pig could look so succulent in shredded form. Excuse me for...

Friday, September 2, 2011
Sold Out from Amazon »

Some damn genius figured out how to bring s'mores away from the campfire and into the kitchen. And there's no pre-heating? I hate pre-heating. Pre-heating is for suckers and proactivists (just made up a word!). In a related...

Thursday, May 9, 2013
$149.95 from Williams Sonoma »

Williams Sonoma predicts Breville's compact countertop crispy crust pizza maker will change my life. Now, far be it from me to argue with the world's #1 kitchen store magnate about life-altering experiences, but given that...

Saturday, January 7, 2012
$30 from Amazon »

Do you eat, sleep, and breathe your favorite pro football team? Now you can graduate from the proverbial to the literal NFL fanatic with the Protoast Toaster. Its heating coils are fitted with your favorite team's emblem...

Thursday, May 30, 2013
$25 from GNR 8 »

Although my refrigerator is only one in a long and distinguished list of areas around my house that reek, tackling the remnant scents of curdled milk and decomposed lettuce with a Kuro Cube is probably a decent place to begin...

Sunday, October 9, 2011
Discontinued

I like my poison with coffee and cream. But, a pint of Guinness will do as well. And I think it's incredibly polite to notify me that I've been poisoned after, so I really appreciate the frankness the bottom of this pint glass...

Wednesday, September 25, 2013
$11.59 from Amazon »

I don't know if the Perfect Pancake Pan really cooks perfect pancakes as advertised, but if it does I would like to eat 8 of its delectably fluffy jack-flappers right now. Sumbitches look gooood....

Saturday, August 10, 2013
$49 - $100 from Amazon »

Oh holy arachnid! I'm not going to need a set of Samurai sword kitchen knives to exact retribution on that SOB onion, I'm going to need them to save myself from the Alessi Juicy Salif citrus-squeezing alien! And by "citrus-squeezing"...

Monday, September 30, 2013
$15.99 from Amazon »

This digital spoon scale enables measurement by weight as well as measurement by volume. That means in addition to knowing from a caloric standpoint how many pounds I'll gain over time when I transport tablespoonfuls of Nutella...

Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Citizens first met the Wheel of Death when the spinning, human-laced target debuted in 1938, and 75 years later, it still represents an exhilarating feat of precision and certainty whose use is likely to get at least one person...

Thursday, January 12, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

Part mercenary weapon, part magnetic field holder for your grocery list, these high quality magnets will hold up to a sheets of paper firmly against your refrigerator or any other metallic surface. Most crappy fridge magnets...

Friday, June 1, 2012

The Cliff Hanger Mug replaces traditional coffee mug handles with the synthetic boulders rock climbers use for indoor honing of finger strength. Not to state the obvious, but, that's funny. And apropos. Because coffee drinking...

Saturday, May 12, 2012
$7.51 from Amazon »

Darth Vader ice cubes make the season's light saber red hues of Kool-Aid and Jones Soda all kinds of cool. Even better, the helmet molds are also approved for melted chocolate, hard candy, and gelatin, so a veritable fleet...

Thursday, July 5, 2012
$10.99 from Amazon »

The universal sign for poison, now in a handy mold for making things that presumably are not! Well, maybe teaching children to associate pancakes and eggs in the shape of skulls with poison will help combat the growing problem...

Thursday, December 29, 2011
$53.51 from Amazon »

To the dismay of chickens everywhere, we've been brow-beaten with the idea that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And, while that is certainly debatable, it's definitely in the top three. Unfortunately, it happens...

Tuesday, December 11, 2012
$27.39 from Amazon »

Foodies, space conservationists, and those who don't have rad to the max mamas to cook all of your meals for you and deliver them weekly in Tupperware containers with clear content labels and smiley faces and notes about how...

Thursday, July 4, 2013
$30.37 from Amazon »

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union...okay, enough preamble. It's America's DOB. The big...what's 2013 minus 1776? The big 237. That age when countries really start to notice their genitals...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Discontinued

I don't know shit about baking, but I know plenty about eating. And these are gonna taste better than your average cupcake or brownie. And if they don't you can smash them into each other and see which one is the toughest....

Wednesday, July 11, 2012
$169.98 from Amazon »

Admittedly, the Five Finger Fillet Knife Set will consume a chunk of kitchen countertop space. 10.4" x 11" x 10.4" to be exact. But I think its radness in appearance more than compensates for its shortcomings in spatial functionality....

Tuesday, February 21, 2012
$49.95 from Amazon »

Food snobs, stoners, children never lucky enough to have parents who took them to the Olive Garden, meet the Perfect Pieces Lasagna Pan. From the Baker's Edge folks' noodles, to the Barilla boxes of yours, comes a quadra-channeled...

Tuesday, May 29, 2012
$575 from Supermarket »

In the grand tradition of the Boob Scarf and Boobs Ice Luge, we present: boobs. And following in the footsteps of the Female Form Guitar and Peanut Butter & Jelly Wallet: butts. The 6-piece Tea & A Set redefines the concept...

Thursday, September 22, 2011
$13.18 from Amazon »

Shoot up your hamburger in style with this condiment filled side-arm. I have a feeling if a family owns two of these, the mom (or dad if the family is really weird) is going to have a lot of cleanup to do after lunch....

Friday, June 14, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

This electric grill sits on the tabletop. Which means it is going to reduce the amount of time it takes for babyback ribs brushed with KC Masterpiece and teriyaki shrimp kebabs to transfer from its cooking surface to my mouth....

Friday, November 16, 2012

Monkey see, monkey do--if you drink like a fish, your kids will too! So put away that bottle of Tanqueray, stow the Whisky Advent Calendar 'til after hours, and grab a couple of these Handblown Fish Straws to sip, suck, and...

Saturday, December 1, 2012
$6.16 from Amazon »

The holidays. They encourage us to appreciate and reminisce about those we love. Yet somehow, they also provoke us to fixate on those we hate. Fred & Friends examined this 'tis the season, yin-yang dynamic...and saw dollar...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011
$19.95 from Williams Sonoma »

Luke (inhale, exhale) I am a cookie. Simple way to turn your stupid, boring, crappy cookies into something out of this galaxy. God I love cookies. If you don't like cookies, try the pancakes....

Friday, March 23, 2012
$7.50 from Amazon »

Ahhh, here's one for the kids, the kids at heart, and the practicing hipsters. The Crustache Cutter performs a little snip-snip on bread that's boringly shaped like bread to produce hilarious/clever/ironic (depending on which...

Friday, July 6, 2012

One biting comment I could make about Tigere Chiriga's Floating Mug is...hmmm...donut hole. I got nothin'. It's just a simple, yet truly novel design, whose purpose is as terrifically useful as its look is incredibly cool....

Tuesday, December 27, 2011
$20.95 from Amazon »

Those nights of binge eating and the haunting lure of a fridge filled with simple carbs and trans fats? Send them to their metaphorical death. Die leftover deep dish pizza! See how you like it in your gut, cookie dough ice...

Saturday, February 25, 2012
$9.16 from Amazon »

How many kids are going to ram the Lickety Spoon down their throats trying to mock-tongue something with it? Even if we're playing by Price Is Right rules, I think you can safely bet "All of them," and still be the closest...

Tuesday, July 10, 2012
$11.58 from Amazon »

Yo, TARDIS, I need to run a quick errand in 2343 today. Let me just pour a cup of coffee and...TARDIS? TARDIS, dude, where you at? [The TARDIS, having been exposed to a hot beverage, has disappeared from its current location...

Sunday, September 4, 2011
$7.59 from Amazon »

The Gingerbread Man always acted like such a wuss. Enter The Ninjabread Man. I think he could slide right into all of our favorite Christmas stories and nobody would bat an eyelash. Please use black icing. Stars sold separately....

Friday, August 19, 2011
$12.95 from Amazon »

I like to keep my beer almost slushy it's so cold. And I never disrespect wood. These double wall glasses are the perfect solution. They help insulate your drink from your fat, hot, grubby little hands while keeping your table...

Monday, September 12, 2011
$8.69 from Amazon »

The first few sips from this innocent looking porcelain mug are pretty tame, but as you continue drinking things get a lot more exciting. What's that lurking in the murky depths of your morning coffee? It's a damn shark....

Tuesday, August 30, 2011
$18.68 from Amazon »

There are a few items from my childhood I've been trying to hunt down for a while. A slush puppy machine (not slurpee, slurpees suck), an armitron, Debbie Does Dallas VHS tape and this. I'm gonna get a brain freeze....