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Kitchen

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Monday, December 30, 2013
$11.97 from Amazon »

I wasn't that impressed with this Lekue microwave omelette maker until I watched the video. Now I am sufficiently impressed. Whomever filmed that thing should receive the informercial Oscar for cinematography. The omelette...

Saturday, February 22, 2014
$8.99 from Amazon »

It would be better if it were in the shape of the toast I'm going to pile it on, and I also doubt my ability to flip an egg within such tight confines without losing part of it to my burner, but I still appreciate the sentiment...

Thursday, March 27, 2014
$11.99 from Perpetual Kid »

Why do I need a cookie cutter with a bite taken out of it? I can do this myself. In fact, when I have cookies taking bites out of them is pretty much all I do. I like the shark though. Kids might dig this whole Snack Attack concept too. It's a good teaching tool. You know, along with their fun baking activity and resultant tasty snack they get a lesson on how if they ever encounter a real great...

Tuesday, October 30, 2012
By: Behance

The latest in shoebox living, Buse Ustun of Ankara, Turkey created VIA particularly for young adult couples cohabitating in tiny apartments with limited kitchen space. The compact, modular cooker incorporates all major kitchen...

Monday, May 7, 2012
$7.20 from Amazon »

Mmm, from dead fetus to sharp shooter. I'm going to take a shot at loading the Hand Gun Egg Fryer Mold into the Rule of Thirds, as described by my 9th grade English teacher. He said that a third of the people we meet throughout...

Friday, November 23, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

Now that we've got Thanksgiving out of the way, it's time to deck the halls, fire up the "Jingle Bells" sing-a-longs, celebrate Jesus, and eat cheese. Cheesus Christ, a cheese grater that--like many folks' Sunday rituals and toast--pays homage to our "grate Lord", will assist in the merry partaking in the latter two. A stainless steel shredder with JC's likeness coaxing blocks of parmesan into...

Friday, January 3, 2014
$9.99 from Amazon »

A lemon shark is a real thing! It looks like this! Do you think it's called a lemon shark because it prefers lemons to human limbs or because it is particularly sour? Wikipedia says...wamp, wamp. Neither. It's just yellowish...

Thursday, April 4, 2013
$45 from Etsy »

From chemistry class I remember something about diatomic elements and noble gases, but mostly I remember that my teacher wore a tie-dyed lab coat and I could always see this one girl's lacy bras when she would bend over the...

Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Discontinued

Lionel Richie is one of those weird celebrities like Demi Moore and Kate Winselt who kind of starts looking better as he gets older. See: Lionel Richie circa 1983. And: Lionel Richie now. His songs, of course, have always...

Thursday, May 2, 2013
$89 from Amazon »

John Boos designed the corner cutting board/counter space saver from solid maple and recommends that you add it to your "kitchen arsenal". Please raise your hand if you have a kitchen arsenal. Please raise your hand if you...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013
$5.04 from Amazon »

No jokes, no sarcasm, this snap-on can strainer is just a good idea, plan and simple. Do you know how sick I am of getting tuna juice all up in my cuticles when I squeeze out a can for lunch? A colander? Ha! The idea of schlepping...

Wednesday, October 30, 2013
$72.25 from Camper Van Gift »

Whether it's a tent, a bunk bed, or an actual motor vehicle...that can't go faster than 50...it seems the VW Camper Van has achieved an iconic status that will never wane. But what I want to know is, can the VW Camper Van...

Tuesday, September 24, 2013
$16 from archer »

I'm not sure if a soap that smells of barrel-aged, charcoal-filtered whiskey will inspire me to do the dishes more often, but it will probably inspire me to to do that tie-dye lava milk experiment catalyzed by dish soap on...

Wednesday, November 7, 2012
$3.99 - $19.99 from Cafe Press »

Zach Golden's cookbook What the F*@# Should I Make for Dinner has spawned a culinary F-bomb phenomenon. Now the word "Fuck" is being inserted with reckless abandon into otherwise perfunctory statements about grocery runs...

Friday, April 12, 2013
$39.99 from Amazon »

Domo started out as a Japanese television network mascot. Then he began starring in skits during station breaks. Then he got made into an English-language manga series for the US and Canada, and then he got made into a toaster....

Wednesday, April 24, 2013
$218.14 from Amazon »

The potatoes spilling out of this ribbon fry cutter look delicious. For $100 I would eat them raw. I might also eat them raw if I were sure no one was watching. Easy to load, easy to retract and reload, I know once I start...

Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Companion Cubes. Companion Ice Cubes. A Captain Obvious merchandising exploit that kind of manages not to sacrifice coolness in spite of it. Even those unfamiliar with the Portal universe might gravitate towards this silicone...

Friday, March 8, 2013
$12.99 from Amazon »

This idea of hanging strips of pork candy on the Makin' Bacon microwave rack seems preferable to my grandma's method of pounding cooked pieces between an entire roll of paper towels. No speck of grease goes unabsorbed! She...

Sunday, July 21, 2013
$19.95 from Amazon »

Point 1: Crafting traditional sushi rolls requires the finesse and fine motor skills of a surgeon. Point 2: Compact 3D squares of food look way cooler and more Willy Wonka magical than squat cylinders of it. Ergo: Bring on...

Tuesday, January 8, 2013
$17 from Amazon »

True apple addicts don't have time to slough off the forbidden fruit's skin one strip at a time with a handheld peeler or their fingernails. And while other crank peelers technically get the job done expediently, their clunky...

Friday, August 23, 2013
$13.44 from Amazon »

I'm not sure whose poor planning skills decided The Snacking Dead: A Parody in a Cookbook should be released after the October 13th Season 4 opener of The Walking Dead, thus eliminating all of its potential profits from themed...

Tuesday, January 15, 2013
$2 from Amazon »

LEGO Minifigure ice cubes and chocolates: cool. But how about LEGO Minifigure pads of butter? LEGO Minifigure Jell-O shots? LEGO Minifigure frozen Pedialyte for sick kiddos? The possibilities for transcending all previous...

Monday, June 3, 2013
By: Behance

One of the first things you learn at Carulla Cooking School in Bogota, Colombia is how to use a knife. That's after you learn one of the first things you learn in Bogota, Colombia, which is how to use a gun (and where to buy...

Monday, July 22, 2013
$14.95 - $59.95 from CeramiPro »

The way it usually goes with knives is that they either cost a lot or they suck. (Note: both varieties seem to be equally capable of gashing through my finger such that I require stitches and a tetanus shot.) CeramiPro's Phantom...

Thursday, August 11, 2011
$159 from Amazon »

You can't stab your ex for real. Well, you can, and some do, but our jails are really getting crowded. So use this instead. It has the additional benefit of keeping your knife situation tidy. It also comes with 5 new weapons...

Friday, August 9, 2013
$70.62 from Amazon »

Anyone who names all of their kids "George" obviously has one-track sensibilities and a one-note personality. He might be able to push Foreman Grills as a convenient tabletop producer of tasty sandwiches, but he could never...

Monday, October 3, 2011
$12.95 from Amazon »

Cancer is still a problem, but some damn genius has finally solved the problem of spilling coffee all over the place all of the time. It seems like your arm would get tired having to constantly spin this thing around your...

Wednesday, August 14, 2013
$99 from Baking Steel »

The Modernist Cuisine Baking Steel, a heat-sucking slab of metal for home ovens, stovetops, and grills, deems itself virtually indestructible and swears it will never shatter or crack. Funny, because I guarantee the exact...

Friday, March 16, 2012
By: Quirky

Like stackable soap, AutoStir self-stirring microwave dish is a rather elegant solution to an age-old perturbance--in this case, the uneven distribution of heat during nuking. How many times have you seared off a few layers...

Thursday, April 19, 2012
$30 from »

Ain't nothing like a dose of psychosocial commentary with the morning OJ. According to this dogmatic little glass, I can't always get what I want (obviously, or else the Stones would have stopped touring 20 years ago) but...

Thursday, August 9, 2012
Discontinued

A trio of Japanese knives by Tosa Kajiyamura for all the chefs and sharp object enthusiasts out there. Sold separately for $85 apiece, the three blades enjoy a rich history dating back to the early Edo period in 17th century...

Thursday, January 31, 2013
$16.95 from Williams Sonoma »

Can I get one of those avocados along with the cuber? The ones I pick out always have a grisly tinge and surprise-mid-bite mushy brown spots. Or they're not ripe at all and taste like a bar of soap. Yeah, Mom, I know I used...

Saturday, May 4, 2013
$93 - $113 from Kickstarter »

Mmm, pirate pancakes. Booty to pad your booty. Yeah I know. That was lame. Cut me some slack, though. You don't know what I was up to last night. No. No it didn't involve Diablo III and a 24-pack of Duff Beer....

Tuesday, July 31, 2012
$37.95 from Amazon »

And when not using it to slash through pepperoni and mozzerella, you can also carry the Big Bad Pizza Wheel as a self-defense weapon, or dangle it from the ceiling to practice your most excellently dangerous one-handed rings...

Monday, December 19, 2011
$3,500 from Chef Stack »

Now this is a pancake machine Henry Ford would appreciate. It's almost akin to something you'd see Homer lying down in front of with his mouth open wide as the Chef Stack Pancake Machine pumps endless pancakes into his mouth...

Tuesday, August 13, 2013
$38.13 from Amazon »

Get ready for ZERO!...GRAVITY!...SPICES! The cinnamon that used to consume 1 square inch in your cupboard? Now it hangs mightily in mid-air. The oregano? The thyme? The herbes de Provence? All haul out their death grip and...

Thursday, December 6, 2012
$7.12 from Amazon »

Rum & Coke on the rocks? Yawn. You gotta HP-Lovecraft-mythical-sea-creature-things up every once in a while. Make it The Kraken Black Spiced Caribbean Rum & Coke on...more Kraken! Fred & Friends' Coolamari octopus ice cube...

Saturday, January 21, 2012
$21.95 from Home Wet Bar »

This self-aerator eliminates the need to decant or let your wine rest after corking it, and the included wine glass eliminates the need to chug it straight from the bottle. Pour your cellar's best burgundy or zin into the...

Saturday, September 14, 2013
$7.99 - $14.95 from Bit@h Cooks »

I could never match skills, and for once am not even going to try to match wits, with Jason Bailin. Bailin is a man who endeavors to transplant other men from Chinese takeout vestibules to the kitchen by way of tough love...

Friday, September 23, 2011
$119.95 from Amazon »

All black and 8.5 inches from tip to tang... once you use this black instrument, you'll never go back to another. My wife has been begging me for one of these. I'm hesitant to oblige her for many reasons......

Friday, October 4, 2013
$24.83 from Amazon »

Waffle egg sandwich with bacon and cheddar. Waffle ice cream sandwich with Brownie Heath Bar Crunch and Mint Chocolate Chip. Waffle projectile with wells full of mustard and Sriracha. So many possibilities now possible with...

Friday, February 3, 2012
$2,200 from Urban Cultivator »

No more excuses for not chewing, blending, juicing, or otherwise ingesting your greens. The Kitchen Cultivator is an all in one indoor home garden about the size--and four times the price--of the beer fridge every man would...

Tuesday, May 28, 2013
$106.59 from Amazon »

Percolator is just an elitist way of saying thing that forces liquid into one end of a solid, such as coffee or tea, and out the other as a way of steeping it. But Bialetti probably felt it sounded more sophisticated and legit...

Tuesday, April 16, 2013
$19 from Amazon »

It's not that quesadillas are hard to make on the stovetop or in the oven, it's that one typically craves a quesadilla when one is not fit to operate the stovetop or the oven. With minimal risk of administering second degree...

Friday, September 2, 2011
Sold Out from Amazon »

Some damn genius figured out how to bring s'mores away from the campfire and into the kitchen. And there's no pre-heating? I hate pre-heating. Pre-heating is for suckers and proactivists (just made up a word!). In a related...

Wednesday, September 4, 2013
$28.99 from Amazon »

A set of Gandalf vs. Saruman salt & pepper shakers solidifies it: salt is evil, pepper is good. Makes sense. Salt can curse us with high blood pressure resulting in an increased risk of heart disease and stroke. The worst...

Saturday, April 27, 2013
$7.04 from Amazon »

Chef'n decided one banana slicer more popular for its witty Amazon reviews than the function it serves wasn't enough for the world. Or maybe they were worried Hutzler's model was on the verge of becoming a monopoly. Or maybe...

Saturday, January 7, 2012
$30 from Amazon »

Do you eat, sleep, and breathe your favorite pro football team? Now you can graduate from the proverbial to the literal NFL fanatic with the Protoast Toaster. Its heating coils are fitted with your favorite team's emblem...

Sunday, October 9, 2011
Discontinued

I like my poison with coffee and cream. But, a pint of Guinness will do as well. And I think it's incredibly polite to notify me that I've been poisoned after, so I really appreciate the frankness the bottom of this pint glass...

Thursday, May 30, 2013
$25 from GNR 8 »

Although my refrigerator is only one in a long and distinguished list of areas around my house that reek, tackling the remnant scents of curdled milk and decomposed lettuce with a Kuro Cube is probably a decent place to begin...

Thursday, December 29, 2011
$46.97 from Amazon »

To the dismay of chickens everywhere, we've been brow-beaten with the idea that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And, while that is certainly debatable, it's definitely in the top three. Unfortunately, it happens...

Wednesday, June 5, 2013
$66.85 from Amazon »

One time I went to Chile and while others gaped at the glaciers of Patagonia and marveled at the volcanos of the Lake District, I ate empanadas. While they trekked the rolling green hills of fourth-generation farms and strolled...

Wednesday, May 1, 2013
$14.95 from Williams Sonoma »

Nevermind the meat shredders in the photos, I think I'd pay $14.95 just for a bite of that meat. What is it, pulled pork? Yeah, it's gotta be pork. Nothing but a pig could look so succulent in shredded form. Excuse me for...

Wednesday, September 25, 2013
$7.82 from Amazon »

I don't know if the Perfect Pancake Pan really cooks perfect pancakes as advertised, but if it does I would like to eat 8 of its delectably fluffy jack-flappers right now. Sumbitches look gooood....

Friday, June 1, 2012

The Cliff Hanger Mug replaces traditional coffee mug handles with the synthetic boulders rock climbers use for indoor honing of finger strength. Not to state the obvious, but, that's funny. And apropos. Because coffee drinking...

Sunday, October 13, 2013
$104.95 from Amazon »

This gift from the heavens cooks a Belgian waffle and an omelet simultaneously. Concurrently. At the same fucking time. Do I even need to say triple-decker waffle omelet sandwich? Do I need to say anything else at all?...

Thursday, May 9, 2013
$149.95 from Williams Sonoma »

Williams Sonoma predicts Breville's compact countertop crispy crust pizza maker will change my life. Now, far be it from me to argue with the world's #1 kitchen store magnate about life-altering experiences, but given that...

Thursday, January 12, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

Part mercenary weapon, part magnetic field holder for your grocery list, these high quality magnets will hold up to a sheets of paper firmly against your refrigerator or any other metallic surface. Most crappy fridge magnets...

Saturday, May 12, 2012
$12.50 from Amazon »

Darth Vader ice cubes make the season's light saber red hues of Kool-Aid and Jones Soda all kinds of cool. Even better, the helmet molds are also approved for melted chocolate, hard candy, and gelatin, so a veritable fleet...

Thursday, July 5, 2012
$10.99 from Amazon »

The universal sign for poison, now in a handy mold for making things that presumably are not! Well, maybe teaching children to associate pancakes and eggs in the shape of skulls with poison will help combat the growing problem...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Discontinued

I don't know shit about baking, but I know plenty about eating. And these are gonna taste better than your average cupcake or brownie. And if they don't you can smash them into each other and see which one is the toughest....

Saturday, August 10, 2013
$49 - $100 from Amazon »

Oh holy arachnid! I'm not going to need a set of Samurai sword kitchen knives to exact retribution on that SOB onion, I'm going to need them to save myself from the Alessi Juicy Salif citrus-squeezing alien! And by "citrus-squeezing"...

Monday, September 30, 2013
$21.99 from Amazon »

This digital spoon scale enables measurement by weight as well as measurement by volume. That means in addition to knowing from a caloric standpoint how many pounds I'll gain over time when I transport tablespoonfuls of Nutella...

Tuesday, February 21, 2012
$49.95 from Amazon »

Food snobs, stoners, children never lucky enough to have parents who took them to the Olive Garden, meet the Perfect Pieces Lasagna Pan. From the Baker's Edge folks' noodles, to the Barilla boxes of yours, comes a quadra-channeled...

Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Citizens first met the Wheel of Death when the spinning, human-laced target debuted in 1938, and 75 years later, it still represents an exhilarating feat of precision and certainty whose use is likely to get at least one person...

Tuesday, May 29, 2012
$575 from Supermarket »

In the grand tradition of the Boob Scarf and Boobs Ice Luge, we present: boobs. And following in the footsteps of the Female Form Guitar and Peanut Butter & Jelly Wallet: butts. The 6-piece Tea & A Set redefines the concept...

Thursday, September 22, 2011
$13.71 from Amazon »

Shoot up your hamburger in style with this condiment filled side-arm. I have a feeling if a family owns two of these, the mom (or dad if the family is really weird) is going to have a lot of cleanup to do after lunch....

Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

Admittedly, the Five Finger Fillet Knife Set will consume a chunk of kitchen countertop space. 10.4" x 11" x 10.4" to be exact. But I think its radness in appearance more than compensates for its shortcomings in spatial functionality....