Kitchen

Homemade Butter Mini Churn

$12.58 from Amazon »

Back to the roots, farm to table, quality ingredients, knowing what you're shoving down your piehole. What was the norm for our grandparents, and the waste of time what with this microwave and these golden arches around...

Self-Balancing Butter Knife

Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down. This is the Weeble of butter knives. A dynamo at the dinner table, the knife self-balances on one end when not in use so you don't have to lay its jam/butter/mustard-covered other...

Triple Divided Skillet

$34.99 - $54.99 from Amazon »

I understand the benefit of using a Triple Divided Skillet in theory, and maybe even under certain circumstances, such as preventing eggplant from touching anything I might consider eating. But definitely not in the way...

Mustache Guard Mug

$22 from Amazon »

June 21st is Father's Day. If Papa's already got a brand new bag (maybe the Henty you got him for Christmas?) now it's time for a brand new mug. Here's a hand(lebar)y choice for they of the hairy upper lips. The Bucardo...

I Could Eat a T-Rex Spaghetti Measurer

$19.55 from Amazon »

Whether you're hungry enough to eat a T-Rex, or just need a quick coupla bites of the child from the family he's terrorizing, this clever kitchen tool will measure out the precise amount of meaty flesh you need to achieve...

Chelsea Miller Kitchen Knives

$200 - $800 from Chelsea Miller Knives »

Under the tutelage of her father, and then brother, and then blade-smith Nick Anger, Chelsea Miller began upcycling leftovers such as horse shoe rasps and wood from her family's farm in Vermont into the rustic, standout...

Carolina Shuckers Hand-Forged Kitchen Tools

$25 - $55 from Carolina Shuckers »

Hand-forged in North Carolina by Kirk Davis or Michael Waller--you'll know which one because his name will be etched into the back of your purchase--Carolina Shuckers repurposes items such as old railroad spikes and equestrian...

Size Matters Cake Plate

$32.99 from Perpetual Kid »

Now you can have your cake and...measure it with a protractor too. This Size Matters plate is perfect for parents looking both to stick it to siblings warring over whose piece of devil's food is bigger, and make the kids...

Boomerang Wok

$243 from Amazon »

Ooh, it's a wok that doesn't make you play 52 Pickup with all the stuff you put in it. The Boomerang Wok features a "unique patented cupped edge" that enables Iron Chef-speed ingredient flipping and agitating with the...

Kitchen Apron with Built-in Oven Gloves

$49.99 from Amazon »

The Mitten Apron guarantees you'll never need to wonder where you left that oven glove, or risk finding out if the casserole dish is really still too hot to touch without one, again. Built-in hotness handlers make it...

NES Cartridge Cutting Board

$40 - $50 from Etsy »

Dave Stencil of Cutting Boredom has a place for you to slice and dice your mushrooms. You know, in case you prefer to eat them bite by bite instead of chest bumping or head butting them to get bigger. His NES cartridge...

Cinder Sensing Cooker

$499 from Cinder »

Cinder looks a little like a Foreman, acts a little like a sous vide machine, and makes the food it turns out taste a little like the best steak/salmon/caramelized onions you've ever had. At least according to the Sensing...

Onion Holder & Odor Remover

$17.27 from Amazon »

Some things that suck about raw onions besides the way they linger on my palate and infiltrate every burp I belch for the next 36 hours include: 1) Make me cry like a 9-year-old girl at her guinea pig's funeral when I...

The Butter Mill

$19.95 from Amazon »

Stop the bread massacre! Instead of putting holes in your toast and sandwiches, save your sourdough's texture and integrity by putting the holes in your butter dispenser instead. With its top surface covered in tiny...

Pancake Pen

$9.89 from Amazon »

I know I'm ur sunshine, Mama. You don't have to make me pancakes that spell it out for...no, wait! But I mean, since you're already almost finished with them anyway, you should probably just keep going. Mmmm, we have...

Crime Scene Hot Pot Trivet

$24.30 from Amazon »

Even in death this victim continues contributing to society, protecting your countertops and tablecloths from scorching. From crime scene to hot pot holder, I think it's fair to call this dude the ultimate giver, and...

Egg Minder - App-Enabled Egg Tray

$9.80 from Amazon »

The Wink Egg Minder is a smart egg tray, which at first I thought might be taking this Internet of Things thing way too far. A Nest thermostat for smart home heating, sure. That could have a huge impact on cost and energy...

Let's Cook Heisenberg Cutting Boards

$30.90 from Etsy »

I won't tell you what you should and shouldn't use these fine Breaking Bad cutting boards for, but...you might want to stick to "Let's Cook"-ing actual food. Like, how about cleaving some birds for a nice Los Pollos Hermanos...

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Nessie Ladle

$15.99 from Animi Causa »

She waits. She lurks. She stalks. And then suddenly, out of the depths of my 8-quart stock pot, Nessie emerges. Oh the terror! The foreboding doom! The...hey, what's the Loch Ness Monster got in tow there? Is that a ladle...

Grill It Stove Top Grill

$23.99 from Amazon »

Here's a grill for the inside, which is probably more pleasant to use this time of year than a grill for the outside. And it doesn't take up a fat wad of space, instead installing over a single burner on your range. And...

Pot Minder Boil-Over Prevention Disc

$5.99 from Amazon »

Isn't half the fun of cooking making a ginormous mess? And then spending hours you could be eating your Beef & Fritos Enchiladas cleaning up the kitchen afterward? Hmmm...maybe not so much. One of the top culinary offenses...

Pro-Balance Adjustable Weight Knives

$54 - $69 from Lee Valley & Veritas »

Pro-Balance of Hong Kong makes Red Dot Design Award-winning weighted kitchen knives for bodybuilders discerning chefs and other people who cut a lot. Their line of stainless steel knives features a hollow handle design...

Kobayashi Mug

$15.59 from Firebox.com »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

Waffle & Cookie Bowl Maker

$12.99 from Amazon »

The best part about the Bella Waffle Bowl Maker--I mean aside from the fact that it's a glorious device from heaven that makes waffle bowls--is that it also makes...are you ready?...COOKIE BOWLS. Sometimes when I'm having...

Damascus Dragon Gyuto Chef Knife

$119.37 from Amazon »

I don't chop onions or slice cucumbers, I slay them with a 67-layer damascus dragon pattern! This Japanese stainless steel knife is super sharp and clad in everyone's favorite hip-yet-medieval-sounding steel: damascus....

InstantVeg Spiralizer

Sold Out from Amazon »

Well I guess I better get my mama this InstantVeg Spiralizer for Christmas if I want her to keep making me curly shoestring french fries and zucchini spaghetti on my low-carb days (i.e., every 17th Sunday). See I got...

DeLonghi Perfecto Indoor Grill

$59.95 from Amazon »

Last winter I was all like, Mama, come on. It's only just below freezing. Get on out to the grill and make me...us...some BBQ ribs. But then a few days later she got pneumonia and I felt sort of bad. So this year I got...

Big Chop Wood Cutting Board & Stand

$128.34 - $179.70 from Etsy »

On the chopping block is right. Even though Danny van Kessel's Big Chop wood cutting boards look pretty tasteful and finely crafted, I have no doubt they'd serve faithfully when you need to hack up a big hunk of meat...

Glass Darth Vader Cutting Board

$36 - $42 from Etsy »

Look at Vader, all done up glassy and classy-like on a cutting board. Surrounds by...what are those things surrounding the Dark Lord of the Sith, etched doilies? Blades, he breathes to the X-Wing knife block, I am your...

Leather Knife Rolls

$330 from Steve Goodson »

Bobby Flay uses one of Steven Goodson's custom, handmade leather knife rolls. And have you seen Bobby Flay's wife? Hot. Dude has good taste. Know who else has a knife roll? Chefs Judy Joo and Andrew Hales. Yeah, I've...

Flare Super Efficient Rocket Science Pans

$32 - $125 from Lakeland »

Thomas Povey is a rocket scientist at Oxford University. But when he's not applying his thermodynamics expertise to advanced jet engines, he kicks back and thinks about how it might enable him to fry his eggs and blood...

bottleLoft Magnetic Fridge Storage

Brian Conti, also responsible for Strong Like Bull Magnets, heads toward Magnet Magnate status with his bottleLoft. botteLoft strips are magnetic bottle holders that install on the ceiling of your refrigerator to keep...

Zombie Cutting Boards

$35 - $50 from Kickstarter »

San Diego-based woodworker Dave Stencil has decided to bring zombies to the kitchen. To "make quality cutting boards that showcase your love for braaaaiiiins...and well prepared meals."...

Quik-Serve Conveyor Toaster

$59.99 from Amazon »

A pack of Toastabags, a Quik-Serve conveyor toaster, a couple loaves of bread, a couple pounds of cheese...huh. I might not starve to death when my mama goes out of town next week after all....

Sparta Knife Block

$49 from Missing Digit »

I think the Sparta Knife Block is even better than the Ex Knifeholder because while they are both clever ideas, the Sparta version connotes a brave and stoic warrior defending me instead of an angry and vengeful woman...

Big Boss Oil-Less Fryer

$89.99 from Amazon »

We all know there are 2 failsafe ways to make any food taste good: 1) Add bacon; 2) Batter and deep fry. Too bad both make you tub out and smell bad. However, for those intent on eating their nightly helping of fried...

Chemist's Spice Rack

$49.99 from ThinkGeek »

I'm trying to think of a way to spin the Chemist's Spice Rack into something besides the perfect gift for a complete culinary geek, but...donut hole. Then again, as evidenced by the comments on ThinkGeek's listing of...

Time Bomb Kitchen Timer

$10.26 from Amazon »

They could have done so much more when they decided to turn a ticking time bomb into a kitchen timer. I think rather than twisting the center people should be able to pull the fuse to set it. And then with each passing...

Ocean Kitchen - Aquarium Island

Once I'd covered fish aquarium bathroom sinks and aquaponic end tables I figured the whole fish-in-your-furniture schtick had run its course. What other piece of home decor could incorporate aquatic life without seeming...

Transparent Stock Pot

$200 from Moma Store »

It's no Sears Tower* glass Skydeck hovering 1,353 feet above the streets of Chicago, but at least this transparent stock pot is a lot easier to haul home, and way less likely to make you vomit. Well...unless you're a...

App-Controlled Crock-Pot Slow Cooker

$111.57 from Amazon »

Big Brothering and doing home things when you're not at home now extends to the kitchen with this collaboration between the Kleenex of slow cookers, Crock-Pot, and the June Cleaver of home automation, Belkin. The Crock-Pot...

Black Diamond Floating Knife Block

Edge of Belgravia, previously featured for their scandalous ceramic knife meat and produce stabbings, has added this Black Diamond floating knife block to their culinary repertoire. Designed by Christian Bird, the rough-cut...

Rolled Omelet Pan

$34.14 from Amazon »

This Rolled Omelet Pan could be an alternative to the Bubble Waffle pan for the gluten intolerant. Or an accompaniment to the Bubble Waffle pan for the culinarily adventurous who also could have beaten Joey Chestnut in...

Bubble Waffle Pan

$44.43 from Amazon »

I didn't know I had a favorite Hong Kong street food until I saw this fat, doughy bubble waffle. I haven't tasted one yet, but am reassured by the fact that my gut pretty much always gets along with anything described...

Automatic Japanese Noodle Maker

No need to knead, noodle lovers. Or mix, feed, or crank for that matter. Just pour water, flour, egg...and whatever other edible Eastern magic creates the kinky deliciousness that is ramen...into the Philips Noodle Maker...

Star Wars Stacking Mugs

$28.95 from Amazon »

I call not drinking out of Luke Skywalker's crotch! Star Wars Stacking Mugs. Divided into thirds both vertically and horizontally the trio features the uppers, privates, and legs of Luke, Han Solo, and a random Stormtrooper....

Lekue All-in-One Bread Maker

$30.96 from Amazon »

Lekue's Bread Maker is a bearer of bread. Bread, according to the Catalonian design firm, that bakes crusty and golden inside the same silicone container it's been weighed, kneaded, and shaped in. And you thought the...

Star Wars X-Wing Knife Block

$99.95 from Amazon »

What person on the planet...no...in galaxies both near and far, far away is not going to want a Star Wars X-wing knife block? Kids, geeks, chefs, home cooks, people who like knives, people who like food.... Admittedly...

Steak Saws

$14.38 from Amazon »

Steak Saws? Now that's a little cynical, don't you think? Just because you've had to get the entirety of your body weight behind carving bites off of every steak your wife/girlfriend/mama has served to this point in life...

Cover Blubber Food Savers

$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

Like Food Huggers, Cover Blubbers are condom-ish pieces of sticky rubber that fit directly over leftovers for preservation and storage. Kind of like plastic wrap or foil, except Cover Blubbers actually adhere and stay...

LEGO Kitchen Utensils

$34.99 from ThinkGeek »

This LEGO-esque utensil set makes me want to glue interlocking bricks to everything I own for easy wall storage on a baseplate. Belts, hats, game controllers, wallets, phone cases, underwear. I could wallpaper my entire...

Mellow Sous-Vide Cooker

$400 from Mellow »

Mellow is about to make it a little easier for the average person to cook all fancy and pretentious. Wi-Fi connected and app-controlled, the forthcoming sous-vide machine will allow users to dump in a bag of uncooked...

Clongs - Click-Lock Sit-Up Tongs

$20.72 from Amazon »

Since it's difficult for me even to pour a bowl of cereal without making a mess I'm not sure how much of a difference in cleanliness Clongs will make in my life, but I do appreciate their intent and nifty V-dip. And with...

Death Star Cutting Board

$19.95 from Amazon »

And I thought it couldn't get any better than R2-D2 measuring cups. Well, really, R2-D2 measuring cups are better than a Death Star cutting board, if for no other reason than their deconstruct/reconstruct Russian doll...

TowlHub USB Paper Towel Holder

$59.99 from Amazon »

As if it weren't amazing enough that there are paper towels so strong that a single quilted sheet can mop up an entire glass of spilt milk someone's crying over. Now these paper towels' holders can charge up to 4 of my...

R2D2 Measuring Cups

$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

What? R2-D2 measuring cups?! Dude. If R2-D2 can make me some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies in honor of the fact that I want some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, my whiny ex-girlfriend will officially be correct...

Good Grips Mango Splitter

$13.99 from Amazon »

OXO says, "There's nothing as luscious as a ripe mango." OXO obviously has never seen Kate Upton's rack. Or Kelly Brook's. Or Christina Hendricks'. However, I do agree that mangoes are in the luscious family. The luscious...

Zipstrip Herb Stripper

$7.63 from Amazon »

I question this Zipstrip's ability to zippily strip cilantro stalks, which is pretty much the only (culinary) herb I'm aware of that doesn't make me want to sneeze and vomit simultaneously, but if you like rosemary, thyme...

Power Mitt Oven Glove

$39 from Power Mitt »

Amidst all this talk of 2014 being the year of wearable technology, Pete Hottelet's Power Mitt reminds me that the real year of wearable technology was 1989. Even though it's kind of the bastard child of Nintendo on account...

Snack Attack Cookie Cutters

$11.99 from Perpetual Kid »

Why do I need a cookie cutter with a bite taken out of it? I can do this myself. In fact, when I have cookies taking bites out of them is pretty much all I do. I like the shark though. Kids might dig this whole Snack...

Curling Pan - Shapeshifting Cutting Board

Right now Juan Lee's Curling Pan is just a concept. A wicked concept that Juan better make happen because a cutting board that curls up into a frying pan when it hits the heat of a stovetop burner? Holy balls that's some...

The Official DC Comics Super Hero Cookbook

$12.81 from Amazon »

Well I know I would like a Batman mini pizza and some Martian Manhunter cupcakes for lunch today. And The Official DC Super Hero Cookbook says it is suitable for use by people ages 6 and up, so even if my mama refuses...

Lil Sweetie Cast Iron Stove

$207.94 from Amazon »

The reduction of "Little" to "Lil" normally makes me cringe. It might be second only to shortening words with "y" or "ie", or adding the letters to the end of them. "Sammy" instead of "sandwich" is the worst offense....

Good Grips 3-in-1 Egg Separator

$4.99 from Amazon »

I am the grandaddy master of the universe at separating eggs. If I do say so myself. I spent several hours learning how to perform this act of culinary prowess in 5th grade and...it's like riding a bike. I've never looked...

Blend and Cook Soup Maker

$169.97 from Amazon »

The Dump & Punch. That's a better name than Blend and Cook for Cuisinart's soup-making blender. Because if their literature is to be trusted, all I'd need do to enjoy a vat of steaming cream of tomato is dump in some...

Meat Seasoning Sticks

$14.69 from Amazon »

As all ladies who prefer older men know, nothing compares to well-seasoned meat. Particularly meat that has been infused with flavor from the inside. While rubs and marinades can slough off or lose their potency during...