Oh holy arachnid! I'm not going to need a set of Samurai sword kitchen knives to exact retribution on that SOB onion, I'm going to need them to save myself from the Alessi Juicy Salif citrus-squeezing alien! And by "citrus-squeezing" we all know I mean brain-squeezing. Just crack open a skull and this 3-legged monster will do the rest.
Part kitchen gadget, part kitchen sculpture, all terrifying object upon which to stumble in the middle of the night, the Juicy Salif was conceived and brought to horrific life by Philippe Starck for Italian design firm Alessi. It is aluminum-cast and mirror-polished in two sizes, 11-1/2" high x 5-1/2" in diameter, and 4-1/2" high x 1-3/4" in diameter. I'm just thankful individual juicers are cost prohibitive enough that my ex won't be able to amass and dispatch an army of them to probe and impale and cut me, and then squeeze lemon guts in my open wounds.
Muchas danke to Drool'd.