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Tongue Chair

By: on June 09, 2012
  • Tongue Chair
  • Tongue Chair

If it's possible to feel sorry for a chair, I feel sorry for the Tongue Chair. Sure, he's living the life when empty. People see him and grin, chuckle, momentarily forget they have three quarterly reports due in 10 minutes and their wife is probably cheating on them with the stay-at-home dad two blocks over. But what about when someone sits down? That poor SOB. I mean, when I eat something that makes me want to projectile vomit, I say it tastes like hot buttered ass. Thankfully though, I don't actually know how accurate this statement is. Can't say the same for the Tongue Chair. Even the heavy duty marine-grade vinyl his taste buds are made out of can't possibly diminish the ick and tang of gluteal cheeks and crack. As much as my job sucks, and as much as I'm dreading the legal repercussions of body slamming Mr. Mom when I see him at the playground on Sunday, I can at least be thankful I'm not living my life as a glorified ass cushion. Huh. Thanks Tongue Chair. That's the second time today you've made me smile.

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Another supervillain yahtzee! This black skull armchair was the one prop missing from my master plan to raise an army of babies and eliminate all cats and bike lanes from my township! The only downside is that it does...

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The Lamzac Hangout is a DIY cloud. Except made of solid nylon ripstop so you won't go crashing thousands of feet to the earth when you lie down on one. And also minus the ice crystals. Unless you decide to unfurl a Lamzac...

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