63

The Talking Periodic Table of Swearing

By: on September 16, 2012
$81,065
Check It Out

Interdisciplinary exercises combine two or more distinct areas of study, and present them as one cohesive whole. In a world-class display of interdisciplinary art, The Talking Periodic Table of Swearing endeavors to entwine the science of elemental chemistry with the linguistics of cussing a mother fucker out. And that's only the beginning.

Crafted into a fully-functional and interactive laser-cut MDF coffee table, The Talking Periodic Table of Swearing comes equipped with 103 neon buttons covering 300 feet and 300 soldered joints just begging for a little push, and the opportunity to unleash audible outbursts ranging from See you next Tuesday to Shut the front door. Swearwords are also categorized--heavy metals on the left rate as "gobsmackingly offensive", while the lighter gases over to the right are more "mildly infantile". All the cockamamie manmade elements at the bottom of the table encompass the anything-goes-but-what-the-WTF?! sorts of insults. The true works of art that come out delectably derisive and vulgar, yet somehow don't actually make any sense. If I were going to fall in love with an inanimate object that didn't have at least one or two parts of the female anatomy attached to it, this swearing table would be it. And that's only the middle.

Exponential quantities of bonus points go to the swearing periodic table's nationality. It is a British creation, which means all of the curses are British insults, which means all of them are delivered in a hilariously dapper English accent. Also, many of the vile incarnations of You suck and F you come off as almost cartoonish and unreal. For example: Cocking shitter; Prat in a hat; and Arseholes for goal posts.

Fucking genius.

Buy Now

Swearball - Record & Fling Your Insults

Sold Out from Amazon »

Swearball invites you to "Give a flying F*%K." In fact, fling one. Hard. Inside this soft, squishy, grapefruit-sized ball lies a recordable sound module. Squeeze the ball to activate it, unleash up to 20 seconds of insults...

Check it out

Fletcher Capstan - World's Coolest Expandable Table

World's. Coolest. Not an understatement. Take 10 seconds to watch the Fletcher Capstan expandable table video, and the rest of the day off work to recover from your blown mind. Or maybe you'll disagree that the mesmerizing...

Check it out

Float Levitating Table

$10k - $20k from Rock Paper Robot »

Oh holy balls, it's a Rubik's Cube with the structural integrity of a marshmallow. In laymen's terms. In technical terms, the Float table is "a matrix of 'magnetized' wooden cubes that levitate with respect to one another."...

Check it out

Working Nintendo Controller Coffee Table

$6k from Etsy »

What holds feet, beer, and the controls that will drive your world-record-setting Tetris score? Feast your eyes on the fully-functional Nintendo Controller Coffee Table. Charles Lushear has entwined old school entertainment...

Buy Now

The Wonder Cart Table & Beach Cart

$45.99 from Amazon »

Calling this beach gear cart and table combo The Wonder Cart might be a bit of an overstatement. Sure, it's handy to be able to use the carrier to schlep all your towels and floats to the perfect spot, and then flip it...

Check it out

Pencil Time Pencils

$2.75 from Sharing Machine »

Do you know what time it is? ... It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Going back to school? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Leaving the kids a list of chores? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Filling out your order at Umami...

Check it out

The Abyss Table

$9,960 from Duffy London »

I don't know if falling onto Duffy London's forthcoming oceanic cross-section coffee table will send you into The Abyss, but I can almost guarantee running into it will stub all of your toes and bloody your entire leg...

Check it out

JAG Communal Grill Table

$2,499 - $2,999 from JAG Grill »

I don't really want a JAG Grill for myself. I mean, it's a lot of money and seems like a lot of work to put together and maintain, and then you have to, like, clean it.... But I am very much in favor of someone I know...

Check it out

SIGMO Instant 25-Language Voice Translator

Discontinued

When I meet an attractive and well-endowed Portuguese exchange student, I feel that talk is overrated. Body language suits me juuust fine. However, when I'm lost on the streets of Istanbul and the only person willing...

Check it out

Dripping Glass Jellyfish Sculptures

Daniela Forti creates these sick jellyfish sculptures and sculptural tables that I would definitely break within 5 minutes of owning using a glassworking technique called glass fusion, and a physics technique called gravity....

Buy Now

Keter Cool Bar - Outdoor Table & Cooler

$82.50 from Amazon »

I don't have a lot of space for outdoor furniture, so I like the double duty Keter's Cool Bar has agreed to pull for me. Part side table, part - surprise! - cooler, and it doesn't even look big and clunky, or like an...

Buy Now

Kotatsu Heated Table

Sold Out from Amazon »

Do you have to be a girl to want one of these super-cozy-looking Japanese Kotatsu? Do you have to be a girl to use the term "super-cozy-looking?" Oh well then. Call me a big ol' girl and send me a big ol' heated blanket...