The Talking Periodic Table of Swearing
Interdisciplinary exercises combine two or more distinct areas of study, and present them as one cohesive whole. In a world-class display of interdisciplinary art, The Talking Periodic Table of Swearing endeavors to entwine the science of elemental chemistry with the linguistics of cussing a mother fucker out. And that's only the beginning.
Crafted into a fully-functional and interactive laser-cut MDF coffee table, The Talking Periodic Table of Swearing comes equipped with 103 neon buttons covering 300 feet and 300 soldered joints just begging for a little push, and the opportunity to unleash audible outbursts ranging from See you next Tuesday to Shut the front door. Swearwords are also categorized--heavy metals on the left rate as "gobsmackingly offensive", while the lighter gases over to the right are more "mildly infantile". All the cockamamie manmade elements at the bottom of the table encompass the anything-goes-but-what-the-WTF?! sorts of insults. The true works of art that come out delectably derisive and vulgar, yet somehow don't actually make any sense. If I were going to fall in love with an inanimate object that didn't have at least one or two parts of the female anatomy attached to it, this swearing table would be it. And that's only the middle.
Exponential quantities of bonus points go to the swearing periodic table's nationality. It is a British creation, which means all of the curses are British insults, which means all of them are delivered in a hilariously dapper English accent. Also, many of the vile incarnations of You suck and F you come off as almost cartoonish and unreal. For example: Cocking shitter; Prat in a hat; and Arseholes for goal posts.
Fucking genius.
/fletcher-capstan-worlds-56982.jpg?mode=crop "Fletcher Capstan - World's Coolest Expandable Table")
Fletcher Capstan - World's Coolest Expandable Table
World's. Coolest. Not an understatement. Take 10 seconds to watch the Fletcher Capstan expandable table video, and the rest of the day off work to recover from your blown mind. Or maybe you'll disagree that the mesmerizing...
/swing-convertible-table-31455.jpg?mode=crop "SWING Convertible Table & Shelf")
SWING Convertible Table & Shelf
The SWING convertible table-to-shelf is magic! Not quite Fletcher Capstan magic, but still a pretty sweet design from EVE Collection, especially for those with limited space for furniture...
Working Nintendo Controller Coffee Table
What holds feet, beer, and the controls that will drive your world-record-setting Tetris score? Feast your eyes on the fully-functional Nintendo Controller Coffee Table. Charles Lushear has entwined old school entertainment...
Float Levitating Table
Oh holy balls, it's a Rubik's Cube with the structural integrity of a marshmallow. In laymen's terms. In technical terms, the Float table is "a matrix of 'magnetized' wooden cubes that levitate with respect to one another."...
JAG Communal Grill Table
I don't really want a JAG Grill for myself. I mean, it's a lot of money and seems like a lot of work to put together and maintain, and then you have to, like, clean it... But I am very much in favor of someone I know...
/the-abyss-table-13242.jpg "The Abyss Table")
The Abyss Table
I don't know if falling onto Duffy London's forthcoming oceanic cross-section coffee table will send you into The Abyss, but I can almost guarantee running into it will stub all of your toes and bloody your entire leg...
SIGMO Instant 25-Language Voice Translator
When I meet an attractive and well-endowed Portuguese exchange student, I feel that talk is overrated. Body language suits me juuust fine. However, when I'm lost on the streets of Istanbul and the only person willing...
/cuss-collar-a-collar-that-42745.jpg?mode=crop "Cuss Collar - A Collar that Curses When Your Dog Barks")
Cuss Collar - A Collar that Curses When Your Dog Barks
Though the Cuss Collar sounds like a punishment for your foul-mouthed kids - or your husband - its application and function are a lot more literal. The Cuss Collar is a dog collar that swears whenever your dog barks...
/kotatsu-heated-table-24782.jpg?mode=crop "Kotatsu Heated Table")
Kotatsu Heated Table
Do you have to be a girl to want one of these super-cozy-looking Japanese Kotatsu? Do you have to be a girl to use the term "super-cozy-looking?" Oh well then. Call me a big ol' girl and send me a big ol' heated blanket...
Interactive LED Tables
I hope anyone who has one of these nifty Interactive LED Tables also has a few gallons of disinfectant on hand, because the two primary modes of interaction I foresee with their pressure-sensitive, illuminative surfaces...
/the-coolest-coffee-table-44972.jpg?mode=crop "The Coolest Coffee Table")
The Coolest Coffee Table
The Coolest Coffee Table is hiding things. So many wonderful things. It's like the Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory of living room furniture! Or, more directly, The Coolest Cooler of coffee tables...
Inception Coffee Table
Designer and model maker Stelios Mousarris calls this coffee table his Wave City, but you know this stellar assemblage of a city folding on top of itself comes straight from the trippy scenes of the movie Inception. Mousarris...