The Talking Periodic Table of Swearing

By: on September 16, 2012
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Interdisciplinary exercises combine two or more distinct areas of study, and present them as one cohesive whole. In a world-class display of interdisciplinary art, The Talking Periodic Table of Swearing endeavors to entwine the science of elemental chemistry with the linguistics of cussing a mother fucker out. And that's only the beginning.

Crafted into a fully-functional and interactive laser-cut MDF coffee table, The Talking Periodic Table of Swearing comes equipped with 103 neon buttons covering 300 feet and 300 soldered joints just begging for a little push, and the opportunity to unleash audible outbursts ranging from See you next Tuesday to Shut the front door. Swearwords are also categorized--heavy metals on the left rate as "gobsmackingly offensive", while the lighter gases over to the right are more "mildly infantile". All the cockamamie manmade elements at the bottom of the table encompass the anything-goes-but-what-the-WTF?! sorts of insults. The true works of art that come out delectably derisive and vulgar, yet somehow don't actually make any sense. If I were going to fall in love with an inanimate object that didn't have at least one or two parts of the female anatomy attached to it, this swearing table would be it. And that's only the middle.

Exponential quantities of bonus points go to the swearing periodic table's nationality. It is a British creation, which means all of the curses are British insults, which means all of them are delivered in a hilariously dapper English accent. Also, many of the vile incarnations of You suck and F you come off as almost cartoonish and unreal. For example: Cocking shitter; Prat in a hat; and Arseholes for goal posts.

Fucking genius.

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