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Kneeling Dragon Table

By: on October 25, 2014
$378.08
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Not only is this dragon holding my beer and taquitos for me, he's kneeling in supplication while doing it! How pathetic. Come on, Puff, Jackie Paper's not coming back. It's time to start rebuilding your manhood. See if Smaug can help you. He seems pretty testosterone-driven. Maybe not the most eager and patient teacher, but you could always offer to hold his Arkenstone for him in return.

The Kneeling Dragon Table by Design Toscano has a resin beast base and 39" glass top.

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Keter Cool Bar - Outdoor Table & Cooler

$139 from Amazon »

I don't have a lot of space for outdoor furniture, so I like the double duty Keter's Cool Bar has agreed to pull for me. Part side table, part - surprise! - cooler, and it doesn't even look big and clunky, or like an...

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The Wonder Cart Table & Beach Cart

$36.68 from Amazon »

Calling this beach gear cart and table combo The Wonder Cart might be a bit of an overstatement. Sure, it's handy to be able to use the carrier to schlep all your towels and floats to the perfect spot, and then flip it...

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Fletcher Capstan - World's Coolest Expandable Table

World's. Coolest. Not an understatement. Take 10 seconds to watch the Fletcher Capstan expandable table video, and the rest of the day off work to recover from your blown mind. Or maybe you'll disagree that the mesmerizing...

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Float Levitating Table

$10k - $20k from Rock Paper Robot »

Oh holy balls, it's a Rubik's Cube with the structural integrity of a marshmallow. In laymen's terms. In technical terms, the Float table is "a matrix of 'magnetized' wooden cubes that levitate with respect to one another."...

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The Don Vino Wine Table

$3,500 - $5k from Chicone »

I'm crowning the Don Vino Wine Table "The Godfather of Wine Storage." Not just because creator Chicone Cabinetmakers has given it the Italian Don honor, but also because it is a unique, classy, and dually functional piece...

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Working Nintendo Controller Coffee Table

$6k from Etsy »

What holds feet, beer, and the controls that will drive your world-record-setting Tetris score? Feast your eyes on the fully-functional Nintendo Controller Coffee Table. Charles Lushear has entwined old school entertainment...

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The Abyss Table

$9,960 from Duffy London »

I don't know if falling onto Duffy London's forthcoming oceanic cross-section coffee table will send you into The Abyss, but I can almost guarantee running into it will stub all of your toes and bloody your entire leg...

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JAG Communal Grill Table

$2,499 - $2,999 from JAG Grill »

I don't really want a JAG Grill for myself. I mean, it's a lot of money and seems like a lot of work to put together and maintain, and then you have to, like, clean it.... But I am very much in favor of someone I know...

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Kotatsu Heated Table

Sold Out from Amazon »

Do you have to be a girl to want one of these super-cozy-looking Japanese Kotatsu? Do you have to be a girl to use the term "super-cozy-looking?" Oh well then. Call me a big ol' girl and send me a big ol' heated blanket...

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Trojan Hidden Dining Set

$1,595 from Expand Furniture »

Lift up the Trojan console's skirt and find--surprise!--4 baby Trojan chairs. All ready to pop out at a speed inversely proportional to April the giraffe's calf, and set up alongside the expandable table's foldout leaves...

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Dragon Hoodie

$447 from Canada Cosplay »

I like it when objects can wholly encompass their descriptors both literally and figuratively. For example, previously dragons were hot due solely to their deadly breath of fire. But then Canada Cosplay decided to turn...

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Prosthetic Dragon Spikes

$375 from Etsy »

Is there a word for when something is equal parts disturbing and smokin' hot? That's what I'd like to call the image of this lady wearing Dragon Spikes. Their mutant effect is remarkable, somewhere between mythical miracle...