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World's Smallest Violin

By: on November 15, 2017
$11.99
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This is the world's smallest violin, and I'm gonna play it just for you...whiners! So many whiners! At work. On the road. At the checkout line. In my inbox. And the biggest one of all: right there in my bathroom mirror.

OK, I don't know if this particular miniature violin is truly the World's Smallest, but at 3" long, it's definitely small enough to whip out of a drawer or pick up off your desktop and bow a few times to get your point across. Unfortunately, the fiddle model is only that - you can't really play it. But you could hum a line from your favorite sad sonata to enhance the effect, and ensure the grousing recipient of your sarcasm walks away even more irritated than he was when came over.

The world's smallest violin is made of polyresin and comes in an adorable little instrument case / display box.

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How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

$10.80 from Amazon »

A must-read for every cat parent! How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives consolidates 8 crucial public service pamphlets into a clear...

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Frosty the Eunuch Ugly Christmas Sweater

$65 from Amazon »

Ugly Christmas Sweater season is here. The days, they have shortened. The temperatures, they have dropped. And the Tipsy Elves, they have knitted. The tacky, silly, funny, and dirty entries in their 2017 sweater line...

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Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

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Boob Cube

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The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

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How to Be a Drug Dealer

$7.99 from Amazon »

If Breaking Bad didn't provide enough of an education, How to Be a Drug Dealer should fill in any gaps left in your study to achieve proficiency and realize success in your pursuit of the street pharmacist profession....

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Cereal Killer Bowl

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Decimate the Froot Loops, eradicate the Frosted Flakes, eliminate all traces of Trix with the Cereal Killer Bowl. Those Charms may be Lucky before the box is opened, but once once they hit your Dexter-approved bowl, it's...

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School of Hard Blocks - Alphabet Blocks for Adults

The School of Hard Blocks is a set of 12 alphabet blocks modeled after the traditional wood children's blocks, but made of concrete. And made for adults who need to learn, ponder, or build up their own ABCs. Adultery....

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Faking It: How to Seem Like a Better Person

$11.06 from Amazon »

...Without Actually Improving Yourself. As a self-help book, Faking It adds a delightful twist: you don't have to journal or meditate or talk about your feelings or change at all to help yourself. You just have to perfect...

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Populele Smart Ukulele

$179 - $229 from Popuband »

You can uke it put your app into it. The Populele calls itself the world's first smart ukulele, and while I'm not sure anyone is going to rush to become the world's second smart ukulele, if you're the strummin' type this...

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Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

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What Do You Meme? Game

Elliot Tebele, overlord of the famed Instagram account Fuckjerry, has made a pretty natural transition with What Do You Meme? His images and commentary translate seamlessly from work day slacking reading material on the...

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The Complaint Department Grenade Sign

$9.99 from Amazon »

When I saw this "Complaint Department" sign with a "Please take a number" directive pointing right at the pin of a grenade, I first assumed it was meant for the office. I know my boss would sure like to have one....